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Arrogance

Tonight I was vilified by someone in this group that I tried to reach out with wisdom and kindness. What I got back was branding me of being an adulterer and a bad mother. I will not tolerate being vilified by anyone!

The attacks came one after another on every story comment and I realized that either I was dealing with someone with a personal agenda or a nutcase. The fact that I have been stalked by members of my husbands family gives rise to a personal agenda and that my husbands name was mentioned gives rise to a personal agenda.

Are peoples lives so void of meaning that they get some pleasure of trying to tear members down? There is a sickness here that I find abhorrent. It is a sickness of the soul. Making one's self feel better at the expense of another. Like a pack of dogs attacking a member of the pack.

My attack from a member of ILISM has me wondering if this is personal? Why would a member try to tear me down with so much animosity? I do not know this person. Simply gave some insights as to what works for me. Being branded an adulterer is beyond any ordinary interactions.

Know that I responded in a PM to my attacker in no uncertain terms that I found the snide remarks to hold no credibility in my mind however I do not want my time spent here to be a defense of who I am or my decisions for my life.

I am disgusted with judgment. Implications that I was and am a bad mother. I will fight and back down every person that attacks me in this way. No one will take away from me what I fought so hard to have. My self respect. If anyone attacks me I will give back far more then they can give.

I fought hard for my life as it is now. I owe no apologies and will give none. You want to have a go at me? Bring it on. No one will ever again try to make me feel less then who I am! That is me! My life and no one will ever try to diminish that ever again! Diane
dartist dartist 56-60, F 15 Responses Nov 14, 2012

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Thanks for all of the support and also a few challenges. What irks me about these types is that they denigrate everyone they are not totally in agreement with. Then the name calling starts. Be clever and give us a witty jibe. The same old adulterer, *****, cheater, blah, blah, blah gets annoying.

I bit and have had a few PMs with this person and he appears devoid of nuances and subtle ways of dialogue. Apparently all of this relates to his father's ex who took dad to the cleaners big time. And then again, perhaps it is the other way around. I just cannot be sure.

The only thing that will give this guy satisfaction is if all of us adulterers start wearing hair shirts, flog ourselves daily and in public, and get the big red A branded on our forehead. Tomorrow I visit the town weaver, a maker of fine leather goods, then top it all off with a quick stop at the local smithy. Actually this sounds kind of interesting folks!!!! Any other punishments you can think of? Hubby is grinning ear to ear! Peace,D

My present partner committed adultery before leaving her SM and divorcing, and now repeats the sin by committing adultery with me (I'm separated, not divorced). As you can imagine we feel dreadful and feel impelled to punish each other by doing degrading things to each other's bodies. We sometimes even say vile and disgusting things to each other while we're doing this. We punish ourselves in this way until we're exhausted, and yet still we keep on sinning. I suspect you are stuck in the same hell (and if not, I suggest you give it a go).

<p>Dartist, I know your story..and so I am sending a 1000 hugs. I think there are few here that would have had the ability to deal with you situation, with the grace and poise and dignity, and personal strength that you have shown. You certainly have won my heart, and admiration. <br />
My suggestion, is next time, just block the people, flag the remark, and be done with them.You don't need that kind of person in your life. Instead keep those close to you that support,and encourage, and are forthright and have personal integrity. keep only those in your life that have something of value to offer. As for the rest...hit the delete button.</P>

It's all about me, I and myself. Why can't people say only nice things to me ? I am going to the corner and cry now

. . . authenticity, support and respect????

Does it really matter to you that you were called an adulterer?

I'm surprised given what else you've written. The heart of the little girl you wrote about surely is more interested in putting her energy into the love of her life rather than spending any energy on the empty accusations of others? I think you waste your beautiful life giving credence to something so shallow. But I know the unhealed pain that is triggered in me by others and maybe this is just your unhealed pain popping up to say hello.

Anyway find a way to truly ignore them if you can as they don't sound worthy of you - but that maybe just me as a man speaking and not what you need to hear as a woman.

The term 'troll' has been around for a long time online. It originally came from angling, trolling is about putting an artificial lure in the water that fish find themselves instinctively unable to resist from biting. Some of them are doing it deliberately, some are doing it because they can't help themselves. I try and ignore them most of the time, because 'biting' is what they want. But I suspect if you ask, many of us will be willing to go as a shoal and tip the boat over. However, fishermen are more likely to leave when they get no bites.

Dear D,

Your tender heart and deep compassion lead you to reach out to others and help them achieve a better and happier way of life. Most of us who benefit from this grace of your's are deeply appreciative and grateful - because your insight, your empathy and your hard won personal experience give added value, authenticity and credence to every word you write.

I am one whose life has definitely been changed for the better by having had access to you through your participation on this board. I know there are many, MANY others like me.

Those whose pain and personal damage is so great that they are forever warped are the ones who cannot or WILL NOT benefit. I feel sorry for these people - and they disturb me greatly. In the scheme of life, deliberately attacking those who try to help you is akin to attacking yourself. Refusing to recognise or accept that help is being offered, and instead choosing to denigrate and offend the giver, speaks of a very disturbed individual IMO.

Hard as it is to do, may I encourage you to recognise that the attacks of such a person are like those of a paper tiger - unable to touch you? In an urgent bid to feel "important" such people find their only personal credence in attacking others. This is sad and sick.

Just this week I have undergone a situation that has some similarities to this - not on a forum but in real life. I too felt attacked, misjudged and personally insulted. I suspect it is almost impossible (for most of us) to accept such treatment with equanimity! Therefore, I have been spending time thinking about the lessons I have learnt (many of them here on ILIASM) about life and about people.

I have reminded myself that those who add value to my life are welcome; those who do not, need not apply. (Thanks Mvc!!) I have reminded myself that it takes a level of personal knowledge and understanding of others that this person (my attacker) has not achieved to truly recognise and understand the damage they cause in such situations. (And I am not above feeling smug that in this area, I exceed that person's abilities!! lol)

I have thought about how important it is to be open to the ideas and suggestions of others without responding at that gut level of rejection, when someone gives you good advice. You gave this person good advice and he spat it back at you in vitriol - because he cannot "hear" anything apart from his own viewpoint.

And I have struggled with the concept of "forgiveness" and come down on the side of doing that. . .because I know that choosing to keep the situation in negativity hurts me more than anyone else.

Please know, D, that I am NOT setting myself up here to "advise" you on how you should behave or respond!! I'm simply sharing with you what is working for me. Will I trust this person again? No! Will I open myself to future attacks? No! Will I give myself undue grief by allowing this person's actions to dwell in my mind? I certainly hope not.

You KNOW the sort of person you truly are - and those of us on ILIASM who know you value you highly and appreciate you greatly. To paraphrase an old advertisement "Can ten thousand ILIASMers be wrong?" ROFL! If you possibly can, hold tight to your self knowledge that you are a person of great worth and immense value. That you are a person whose contributions to society (and especially this one) make a great difference for GOOD.

Allow yourself to feel pity for the damaged and unevolved soul whose actions are so damaging - and refuse to allow yourself to sustain any long lasting damage from such a poor and unworthy source. As Baz says, the opinions of those with credence are to be considered of value. The opinions of the rest are unworthy of our attention.

Dear friend, you are held in high esteem and with great affection by so many of us here. Allow those feelings in to act as balm to your soul - and ignore the behaviour of those whose opinions are irrelevant.

What an amazing answer, Enna. You have echoed my own thoughts and feelings about such people, and so eloquently. I could not have said it better, or added to it.

Enna, I'm going to save your answer for future reference IRL. Very valuable.

Liked a thousand times.........very well said.

I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I,
and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.
If not, it can't be helped.
(Fritz Perls, "Gestalt Therapy Verbatim", 1969)

Generally this works for me, and I don't get riled up at people who have a different take on life, a different view of how the world is made up, of how relationships should be.
Occasionally however there are people around who behave like the proverbial bull in a china shop. Ok, it's only china. But when they start trampling on PEOPLE, I may blow my stack ...
... but let their opinions be the judge of me? No, really. What, will I be consulting with scorpions and stinkbugs next?

Love your comment, Enna. Well said.

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I have posted on many forums over the years, just ignore/block and know you are better than the attacker no matter what you have done.

I'm sorry you were attacked....especially when shedding light on your issue! All I can say is, ignore the idiots and keep it pushing! You can't waste your time arguing with those who refuse to understand your situation. It's your life and how you live it is up to you.....no one else!

Block with abandon! There are crazies everywhere, and particularly online.

wisdom indeed!

dartist - I also live in a sexless marriage, but I am male. It's not a funny issue and happens to many people in my age group (60-65). We are working on a way to find answers and started by my wife going to the doctor to see if there are any medical issues associated with our sexlessness. I would be interested if you find reasons this occurs and I will let you know what I find out. Thank you for your posts.

Larry, this issue needs a post from you. It is not an answer to or a response to the original post. If you are seeking information on sexless marriage, you are wise to read widely on this forum.

Those sad, deluded, pathetic, apathetic creatures deserve only our pity, and NONE of our precious time or passion.

Dartist - this guy may have picked on you, but he was picking on others during your period of inactivity. This makes me suspect that it's not personal to you. He's just a horrible person.

Tbe reason they attack you is because they themselves are worse then you.

By passing judgment upon you makes them low.

Fortunately you already know just who you are and can stand firmly on your two feet!

STUPID CAN NOT BE FIXED!

Worse then you, sorry not to make you sound bad. You know what i mean

"Are peoples lives so void of meaning that they get some pleasure of trying to tear members down?" <---You have to ask?

I would feel mortified if one of the credible ILIASM members gave me a bagging.

But when such invective emenates from the Sammys / that Yoko Ono impersonater chick or similar on the board, I tend to just shrug.

No one is immune to this. Within the last 10 days or so sister neuilly copped a bagging from a couple of opportunistic empty heads. Yes, Neuilly !!!!!!

Sister Dartist. The stuff you have contributed to this group is there in the records. It will stand there as testament to your good sense and compassion for as long as you leave it there.

The unreasoned and uninformed contributions of Yoko and Sammy will join the ranks of Hvac, JohnyWhoozle and other past masters of the cheap shot who's names have passed into the ether, never to be remembered.

Tread your own path.