Not So Sexless But Might As Well Be

I have been married now for almost 21 years and lucky if we have sex once a month , there is little foreplay and is over before I can barely blink. He does not hug or kiss or flirt. Me on the other hand ...I WANT touch, I crave it. I want to feel wanted and needed. I don't get that. I feel like I am slowly dying . Does anyone else feel that way? I know that sounds nuts but I feel that way so often. And it breaks my heart. I believed in marriage and all that it stood for , but now..not anymore. I am 50 years old and afraid that I could not make it on my own due to health reasons and have a child still dependent on me. I feel lost and lonely. :(
deedee62 deedee62
46-50, F
19 Responses Nov 14, 2012

Don't think of sex now

Hi deedee, I haven't logged in here for ages. I noticed that you contacted me 6 days ago but can't find a record of it. Lost and lonely sums things up perfectly. I personally believe that we can never feel totally free unless we can say anything we like to someone and hug and caress them in any way we like without them rejecting us.

What you miss are the things I so enjoyed doing for the wife. Once a month would be an improvement Being a man I need to relieve myself. I lay next to her and do what I must. She knows and does not care.

It doesn't sound nuts at all deedee - intimacy is far more than the sex - it's the touching, the little smiles, the compliments (even it the meal was burned to charcoal). It's knowing your partner is thrre for you through thick and thin.
It isn't a lets get it over with **** to do my duty..

It's incredible how we grow apart.

In my case it was years of frustration and anger until I finally found out the inner demons preventing my wife from being the girl I thought I'd married.

Love to chat.


I would like to have sex once a month. Just to feel my skin against her's would be wonderful.

I'm in the same place. It's almost like a drug..the need for physical touch. Been married for 14 years and the wheels are starting to come off this train in the last couple of months. For me, the physical touch, the intimacy, the feeling of being loved is needed to also want the sex. Anyone else feel that way?

I sure feel that way

When you say it is over before you can blink, what do you mean exactly? I am in a one a month or once every couple months situation too. I get so pent up when I do get action that I only last for a few seconds. I try to make up for it with oral and other passion, but I find lack of frequency leads to poor performance which adds to the lack of frequency. All that said, does he not snack on your coochie?

Snack on your Coohie ? Is that areal sex act?


Why yes it is. That's the same thing as eating your *****.

So does he then? I'm guessing not.

1 More Response

If you analyze all of these comments, you are not alone deedee. you are not alone.. =)

I think that some intimate gadgets would do help to you:

first, you have to be bold and strick up a conversation talk about your honest feelings, communication is the KEY, and only way to find out what's exactly wrong in your marriage. and then you can decide weather if you can still fight for it.
Affection IS relationship, and if you have none in your marriage then it's dead already same as any relationships. there is no reason to continue. it's never easy to break up, but it's the only way to save yourself from endless pain, and if you have a sense of self worth and brave enough to chase what you want for real. once you get devoiced you will instantly feel relieved.
that's what I did, and i found my answer, move on, feeling much better than trapped.

I am your male counterpart. Except we haven't been intimate since 2004. She says that "stuff" is not part of her life anymore.

my heart goes out to you...
cruel and unusual punishment...

thanks :)

Leave her. She is selfish

Hey, someone with a similar problem, does once in the last 4 years, and probably once in the next 8 qualify for wanting something different?

I feel for you. Hey I would be happy with kissing , hand holding, cuddling, if I could not have sex but I don't even get that :( I am such a touchy feely person..

Not wanting this to sound wrong, but, I know what you are feeling right now and tomorrow and the next day.

Doesn't sound wrong at all

Ok. Can I speak to you in private. I am new to this laptop and know nothing.

Must go to sleep now. Thanks people, its something even to get to this. Later.

Anytime,not sure how to do that . I am new :)

3 More Responses

Is your situation a dealbreaker for you ?

If it isn't, then you are stuck until it reaches those proportions.

Tread your own path.

I know what you mean. my wife is the same. But stick with it, we know they are worth it. We have three lovely kids and I know what they expect.

read some of my stuff...
it almost killed me...
joyinthejourney, clg


"I WANT touch, I crave it. I want to feel wanted and needed. I don't get that. I feel like I am slowly dying . Does anyone else feel that way? "

I think your expression of our situation is so very accurate and I definitely feel the same way as you. Touch, love and sex are vital for our well being. For me everything associated with sex assumes a spiritual perspective. It is THE most exciting and rewarding aspect of my life and without it I too feel that I am dying.



How is it now? The same?

I can empathize---same age range, with a dependent child with special needs. Keep reading here, though. The posts represent a wide continuum, from dawning realization on one end to life well beyond a SM at the other. You still have a multitude of choices involving action and attitude, even while in a SM.

The official definition of a Sexless Marriage is less than 10 times per year, sounds like you are there so "not so sexless" is... sorry... sexless.

I feel your pain. Was it always that infrequent (married for 21 years, was it always once a month, or is that recent?).

Like rabbits until 4 years ago (or is it 6) then BANG, no more????

Sorry you are going through this. You will find great support and encouragement here. Sadly, there are 33 -something thousand of us, Hugs to you.