It Is Amazing To Me That.... many people are right where I am at in my own life. I tried to start a blog once to solicit input on how other people deal with the feelings of rejections and the EVERY-SINGLE-DAY looking at myself in the mirror and wondering "What is wrong with me?" And not in the sense of why am I feeling like this - more in the sense of my having something wrong with me that makes me NOT be desirable to my spouse.
I have heard from SO many people about "my life" and "living my life to the fullest" and "I owe it to myself to divorce and be happy" but the people who said those things were not the ones who had to look into my best friends eyes, my best friends being my kids, and say "everything you dreamed of in your lives is over as the foundation of all that you based what a family really is - is over - so I can go "be happy".
So I stay. I do not plan on leaving. We do not fight anymore. We do not argue. Years of counseling helped me to get it all off my chest and be validated when the counselors would look at my wife and say ".... um... how do you expect him to feel???" and they would explain to her that it is perfectly normal for a husband to be strongly attracted to his wife and desire to have the intimacy that a married couple are allowed, above all others, to experience. But that "stuff" is not a part of her life anymore. She is a happy, wonderful, successful, person who is an awesome mommy to our kids. She has friends. We have friends. We camp and travel and have fun with our friends. I guess I am in the category to her of a "best-friend". Which I have accepted.
I have read this same thing over and over. I know how awful it feels and feel so bad for all those people.
Its just amazing to me the we live like this....
Drummer1013 Drummer1013
46-50, M
2 Responses Nov 15, 2012

Like 88ElmiraSt said, a best friend wouldn't repeatedly wound us like this. I have a lot of friends, and a few I would consider my best friends, family even. I used to think my refusing husband was one of them... not anymore.

It seems as though she is an asexual and probably thinks "every" normal person is like HER. Nope, sorry honey, WRONG ANSWER. Only 1% are asexual so for illustration's sake consider this: at a fictional gathering of 100 people you are the ONLY ONE who thinks that way. You're just like that person who announces "that joke isn't funny" while there are 99 people LAUGHING.

AWESOME illustration. And YES... LOL I have to laugh... when we used to discuss it she would say that all the time. "Everyone is like this.... nobody has the relationship you dream of" is what I always heard. It used to really **** me off :) Now we don't even discuss it.

Well maybe she should be with "nobody" because you are somebody and this just doesn't count as holding up her end of the deal. Oh, and Ms ethnocentric "Everyone is like this"--the remaining 98 people in the room side with your husband, NOT YOU..


Are we freaks? I am with you 100%

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