My H had finally decided to seek help to manage and get through his PTSD, that I believe is a part but not all of what has went wrong with our SL. It's been a couple weeks and It seems I might be getting the old him back piece by piece and it is an amazing feeling I can't even describe. Next to a feeling of sadness to think about how happy I am that my H actually wanted to have sex with me.

How do you build up what used to be your self confidence when the one person you promised to spend the rest of your life with is the one that at times makes you feel like the lowest of the low?

I've found that outlets such as working out more often and doing my own hobbies more have helped but it's almost as if I am constantly fighting a battle of is this time and effort worth it? Will it always be a feeling of depression that you are not good enough?

I suppose since I am choosing to stay with him to work through the PTSD and self confidence issues he himself faces, it is just something I'm going to have to deal with.
EmbracingChange EmbracingChange
26-30, F
2 Responses Nov 16, 2012

<p>My experience is that it takes quite a while to regain trust, and needs to be reinforced by consistent good behavior. Quite a lot of that it associated with trust in yourself and self-confidence that inevitably takes a battering as part of the disaster. Building good spirals of feeling (you have some basis now), and being alert to problems, and assertive about your feelings helps. And expecting set-backs.</p><p>So in that respect, I'd be kind to myself, and look after myself in ways that weren't associated with him. Particularly because you're effectively a carer, that's one of the hardest places to be because you don't get attention or recognition for yourself. Your needs have gone on the back burner, you're assumed to be all responsible and in a role that isn't vulnerable and loving. Very hard to operate all those roles, and unfair on you.</p><p>I was wondering if you'd investigated support groups etc for families with PTSD sufferers? It might be worth a look, and asking some questions of medics etc.</p>

It is a challenging situation.

After prolonged periods of engaging in behaviour that made him less and less relevant to you as a spouse - and you gradually adjusting to that (albeit not willingly) - he apparently wants to make himself relevant in your life again.

You would be quite entitled to tell him to get ******, but I gather that is not going to be your position, at this point anyway.

Your 'trust' level is NOT going to flick back on in any hurry (be aware it may never do so) but might gradually return based on incontrovertable evidence that he has actually changed his behaviours.

It is HIS job to produce that evidence.

It is your job to judge that evidence.

And it is still your right to tell him to get ****** if said evidence is not being produced, or is being produced in quantity, quality and speed at a rate you do not find tolerable.

This is a fancy way of saying "run the clock on it "

Tread your own path.