Sensual Massage

You've had plenty of answers already, but I'm in a similar position to you (and so much of the "middle aged" male population). I have had several sensual massages over the past few months. For the most part, they were unsatisfactory. Today was very different. I found a lady about 15 years older than the Chinese teen parlour workers. Working from home, Jenn offers a pleasant and relaxed environment, interesting conversation and skilled delivery of her abilities. My day began with my wife holding my rock hard erection for about a minute. No caressing, no farking movement, nothing. Then it ended as soon as it began and she went back to her iPad. Hmm. That prompted me to look for something better...and I found Jenn. I'm happy with that and I will not be cheated out of intimacy. I'm disappointed that my intimate life has come to this and I don't know where it will take me in the future but just let it happen.

First, thank you everyone for your responses. I guess this was a topic that resonated with everyone, and its so nice to be able to talk to someone that understands, cynical or not. I appreciate the support everyone gave.

Second, based on a few comments I decided not get the massage :( . Not that i will never try it one day, but for now I wanted my wife to know what was going on. I took the communication route first.

She got back from her trip and was very upset to find me in bed hung over. instead of the massage i went out and partied with some friends til 5am. She also found 2 empty bottles of wine from the previous nights. She confronted me saying she was really concern that I was becoming an alcoholic. We had a long trip in a car (I had to drive hung over). i took that opportunity to explain to her that I was not an alcoholic, that I was unhappy.

The road trip in the car allowed me to corner her. She had no where to go, so she had to listen. I told her everything, Including that I wanted to get a sensual massage. I know it wont really change things, but It felt really good to share that with her and not keep it to myself. I wanted her to understand what was at stake. She didnt say anything and I went on for almost an hour before she finally said "wow, marriage is really hard".

You're overthinking this. She withholds what you should be getting in the marriage. That is unethical if you want to quibble over the ethics. So you're supposed to go the rest of your life without touch? Make sure it includes a hand job.

Sorry, if I am a bit cynical... I enjoyed massage all my life and had done it a lot in my life... Once( quite a while ago I said to my husband that I would never pay for sex, but happily would pay for regular massage- I tried to drop a hint...) I did many courses of massage(back, head, full body,aromatherapy,reflexology) and offered to use my skills on my husband... He never wanted either receiving or giving..
During last 3 years(my complete sexless patch) I had some massage, which was very nice, refreshing and beneficial for my body and soul, but was nothing to do with sexual desire as such...
Now, after you chose not to be sexless any more,I get (and give) a lot sensual/sexual massage from my lover...
The bottom line is yes, massage MAY lead you to infidelity(eventually) or MAY NOT... Long staying in SM led some people to suicidal thoughts, depression,ED,frustration and hatred towards their partners...
Why you are so bothered about what is cheating and what is not?
Does your wife so much bothered that actually withdrawing sex from her husband is the worst possible cheating?
You are so-o young! Is it really a good situation to be in- refused in basic need?

If you want to go and get pulled off, do it.
It is neither 'right', nor 'wrong', it is a hand job. Any moral framework on the subject YOU supply, not me, not anyone else.

Likewise, I wouldn't be too concerned about the chick splitting up as a result of some **** weak book.

It appears that your marriage contains plenty of its' own troubles that need attention.

Tread your own path.

You're beating about the bush here, but yes, any choice you make can lead you in all sorts of directions. And you make your own standards of behavior, and it makes a lot of sense if they really are your own, not inherited from somebody else. Of course, your W is liable to judge according to self-serving standards if she finds out, I suspect your ethical concerns are actually more to do with fear of her reaction. Which is OK.

If it helps you at all, I think it's morally & ethically indefensible for a person to insist on fidelity when they're not busting a gut to help their partner be satisfied, and I think that can be justified (particularly since I have no axe to grind there, I didn't have an affair or stray). Philosophically, that form of autonomy-extremism is simply inconsistent, asserting autonomy for one but not for the other. Of course, that doesn't stop the judgemental and self-serving from lambasting you, but then, fvck-em.

People do all sorts of things, they are imperfect and - well - human! Personally, I'd be focusing on something that would change the situation forever, never again, rather than getting a sticking plaster. But as you allude, that simple step could change your life quite unpredictably - fun, eh! Means you're alive.

"The awful daring of a moment’s surrender
Which an age of prudence can never retract
By this, and this only, we have existed..."

It all seems to depend upon your level of need for human touch. I've had a few over the years because my ex-wife and I had virtually no physical contact of any kind, including holding hands or hugs for the last fifteen years or so of the marriage, and I had the same mindset as you. What I found was with a few exceptions a lot of the masseuses that work in these places and working under duress (especially in Asian parlours), or are inexperienced college kids earning tuition money. If you decide to go for it, the first feelings that you'll probably experience are likely guilt and fear of being discovered by the neighbours or your pocket being picked while you're in the shower. If you do go, just take enough money for the session and leave your wallet and ID in the car and park a block or two away. Also, in my town, the cops quickly find out who provides these services and parks a cruiser outside in order to scare enough patrons away so the place closes. Different in "The Big Smoke", but they will respond to neighbours complaints and complaints from the girls that the owners are sexually harassing them or stealing their money. Can't comment on the Tantric experience; the only Tantric practioner in town charged $500 for a two hour session.

Personally, I found that the stresses associated with this far outweighed the momentary pleasures.

This is a mixed bag. Of course it is cheating and it is wrong to cheat. But, I tried this before marriage (during our sexless courting - yes
I still married her). Some were good, some were not worth it at all. I also started to get the sense that I was participating in human trafficing or that there was an involuntary servitude thing going on so I walked away. Worth exploring, in the final analysis.

I am in the same position ; a sexless, touchless marriage & just over 6 months ago went & had a sensual tantric massage from a lady who happened to be naked, just as I was.
Never discussed it with my wife or anybody else I know (have done on here) so the secret is mine
I had a wonderful 90 min session - thought I had died & gone to heaven, read my story / experience about it
My advice is go for it, in fact wife is away again soon & I am thinking of a return visit

I've been reading up about this...it's a very high quality hand job right??? Would your wife view it as infidelity?? I bet she would.

Don't get me wrong, I'm an unrepentant cheater, so I'm not throwing stones. Just suggesting that you maintain a level of internal honesty.