Home Alone

I went out with a couple friends tonight. Had coffee and then beer straight from the brewery. Nice to live in a town with such good, local made beer! Ran in to a friend. Between her, the beer, and no sex for a year and a half, it was a difficult night. I had a choice to make: do the right thing and go home; or continue the evening with my friend, heading to the next stop for another drink, knowing where that might lead. I chose to be home alone, but it to a conscious, willed effort to make a clear decision to leave, alone, and come home to heat up leftovers and remember what it was like. To try my best to bring up to a super real level what I remember it being like to feel a woman.
Here I sit.
deltachi78 deltachi78
31-35, M
7 Responses Nov 16, 2012

When using the term relationship I didn't necessarily mean like a long term one... after having sex with someone there is a change in the relationship/ rapport with that person, it kind of complicates things... (English is definitely not my mother tongue so it happens for me to misuse terms...)

I would say you made the right decision. Good luck to you,

It's interesting to see the array of views here. As of this morning -- sober and working -- I can't really say if it was the wrong or the right choice, only that it was the more comfortable choice, which fails to put a true judgement on it. As for entering in to or starting "another relationship," I'm already friends with this person and that's most certainly where it was stay -- whether we had sex or not. She and I knew that years before I ever got married. Yeah, so another night alone -- my choice this time, not my spouse's. That dynamic alone is interesting and little more liberating to me than the typical Friday night glum.

I'll describe my path. I sometimes flirted in the middle years, sometimes outrageously. Just to affirm I was still desirable. I didn't do anything serious, - a coward? loyal? I don't know to this day. On a few occasions, I guess I became the 'refuser'. And yes, I feel guilty about this, it's not like I didn't know what I was doing - maybe that's why I did it (some odd moments on that path: ended up with a stalker for a while, partly me to blame on that one obviously; 'refusing' someone special to me, who was clearly reaching out from her own private misery, I still feel I should beg forgiveness from her, we've never spoken since; a couple of others in a similar vein). But in the last few years my confidence was crushed, and I recognised that this kind of sh1t was wrong. So by my reckoning you've got a few more years to go before you finally break and say you're done. Welcome to hell.

Probably this was a good decision. Why would you complicate a situation that is already messed up?! If I were you I would figure out what's the way my marriage should go before engaging in other relationships. On the other hand, if you thought strongly about "outsourcing" then the message is quite clear, smth is lost inside!
Mind this is a personal way of seeing things but really puts a big question mark on the stability of your marriage and kind of showing the next step....

You made the wrong choice.

Here you sit.

And until such time as you have developed an alternative option for yourself to at least consider, there you will stay.

Tread your own path.