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Saturday Night

So here I am watching TV with the kids at 8:00 on a Saturday night. Lost the remote to my 9 year old and lost my phone to the 10 year old texting queen. Guess who already went to bed....
What else did I expect?
pamelamc pamelamc 41-45, F 5 Responses Nov 17, 2012

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Pamela

So you are married to a pastor? Naw! You are married to a sh*t who happens to be a pastor. And it is no happenstance that he is a pastor. It is deliberate, conscious. Find that hard to comprehend? When I was a lot younger and a lot more naive I used to, but not any more.

Reflect on the continuing stories about church priests, pastors, ministers in the US, the UK, Germany, Spain, France, Ireland, basically anywhere the church has a presence about the abuse and exploitation of children. Find it hard to believe that these people only ever became church officiates in order to pursue their paedophilia, to take advantage of the umbrella of unquestionable respect and reverence that it offered them, the protection it offered them? And, of course, it doesn't only have to be about paedophilia, as perhaps people in the position that you find yourself in find out. And it just doesn't have to be the umbrella of protection of the church; it can come in all sorts of different forms.

Don't believe me? Google "Jimmy Saville" briefly. He duped the world and his dog with his charitable goodness, such that EVERYONE thought that the proverbial warmth and light of the golden orb really did shine out of his waste orifice. He's dead now and everyone else caught up in his poisonous fug are sniping at one another in an appalling, unedifying, last-man-standing, blame fest. He must be laughing.

And, of course, there are women who marry men of the cloth in order to exploit their umbrella of respectability. I could tell you one person's personal story about that by way of illustration. Simply put, she couldn't understand why her minister husband would object to her sleeping with any man who asked. Any man. You couldn't make a script from it and sell it to the TV channels.

I apologise for hijacking your post for going off on one but I do feel the WORLD needs to wake up and smell the coffee when it comes to the plight of people like you. And people who might find themselves in the same sort of situation as you need to wake up to the all too real possibility.

Sometimes you find respect and care where you would not expect it and, unfortunately, you find it missing where you might traditionally expect to find it.

PLEASE try to find some charitable help on your legal situation to try to help you move forward. I really want you to stick it to this man, this so-called pastor, emphatically, so that people like him come to realise that they have no more defence for their behaviour than any of us mere plebs.

Well, I had no idea he would end up a pastor. When we got married he was an officer in the Air Force. He isn't a perv. though. If anything, he avoids children other than "dad" stuff like going to ball games, dance recitals, parent conferences etc. I do most of the raising. He is aware of the problems you mentioned and takes care not to be around children much. The church has a daycare, and he won't even go on the same floor. He will even totally leave the house if our children have friends over so no one can accuse him of anything. Hd does the same thing with other women. If a woman wants to meet with him, he makes me come with him so no one can say anything.

Isn't that interesting !!
Again, anything he is not comfortable with, he avoids. Uncomfortable with women generally, uncomfortable with kids generally.
He sure sounds like one dysfunctional dude.

I'd bet that this is exactly what the deacons are pissed about too. These are not helpful attributes in a pastor. Nor in a husband.

Yea, with all the news reports of pastors abusing children and cheating on their wives, he goes to extremes to not be accused of anything. I've told him he doesn't need to avoid the whole floor of the daycare. The teachers are there, and he wouldn't be alone with a child, I was cautious myself when I taught middle school. Over the past decade or so, the US has had an epidemic of female teachers messing with young boy students, so I made sure to never be alone with one of the boys.

He does take it to the extreme, but he actually did stay home this past weekend when our daughter had a friend over.

What? You lost the remote /and/ the phone? At least hang on to your vibrator! :-)

Ha, ha, ha, ha Love that one!

Just wanted to let you know I found the vibrator!!!! I was going through stuff getting ready for Christmas and looked in a bag I had packed when we moved last summer. I put it in there so the movers wouldn't see it and forgot about it, not like it was being used. Back in the day, we had fun with it together. Not sure it would be as much fun alone. Maybe I'll find out. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!

My husband hasn't moved from his bed and television the last two days. LOTR marathon, football, golf, Nascar. Typical weekend.

That's pathological. More than two hours of continuous television, or even two hours per day, is a waste of good life.

Thanks for the laugh!

He's still there - hasn't moved other than to wonder down to the kitchen once or twice in the middle of the night.

Pr0n would get a few body parts active. He can't take that risk.

I'm fairly certain that this level of television watching will lead to early Alzheimer's. He might enjoy that even more as it would remove any semblance of responsibility from his oh-so-weary self. (So many TV shows, so little time.)

Couldn't agree more Ulae!

Looks like you are in the for same kind of night that many of us have endured.

Just on a month has slipped by since you gave him "until the new year to get his head out of his arse" on 11th October. And there is only another month and a half to go until it is New Year.

His efforts thus far haven't shown a real lot of promise. You seem to be getting either bullshit or silence / avoidance.

Anyway, that's him, and his issues, which he alone owns and are his alone to sort out - if he so chooses. They are NOT matters you can control.

Back to you, and matters you CAN control. Your exit strategy / fall back plan for example. Is it starting to come together ?

Tread your own path.

I admit I am chicken. The least expensive lawyer wanted $1500. I only have enough money for a couple months. I know for sure he will fight to the end for the children with the fanciest lawyer he can get. I have these horrible visions of either losing my children or ending up in govt. housing with drug dealers and can't feed them and they end up hating me. I can't kick him out because his name is on the mortgage and there is no way he is going to leave. I just don't know how to go about this.

I am drawing some disparate facts together here from what you have said in assorted posts to put the following together.

Mr Pamela the pastor is in some sort of **** with his deacons.
This could work to your advantage if played out properly. Either as leverage for you to apply to him to be a tad more co-operative about winding up the marriage "or I'll tell the Deacons what an arsehole you are" - or perhaps by YOU going to see the Deacons seeking support out of the marriage (I'd imagine they'd be rubbing their hands together with glee at having some more ammo to apply to him (I'm reading that they are keen to get rid of him too)

You may find that the Deacons could be convinced to provide you with logistical, legal, and counselling support - as your interests appear to be common. To get rid of him. You from your life, they from their diocese.

Conversely, you could ring around a few more lawyers and source one with a free initial consultation.

You are playing for "keeps" here. Don't leave anything in the bag.