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Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor, and then another a minute to look around at the other couples seated at their own tables.

They are engaged with each other – smiling and laughing about shared secrets and interests. In that moment, I can’t help but wonder what happened to us….and when. We used to be like that, didn’t we? This sense of indifference seemed to have slipped up on us with very little warning.  Now….after all this time, I can’t even seem to find the motivation to care.

So now I too, sit at the table, ignoring my spouse, engrossed in writing this story on my phone. The laughter is merry all around us, but it doesn’t penetrate our silent world. I wonder how much longer we can survive this way; locked together by fate and circumstance, without joy and love to accompany us on our journey. I think that remains to be seen by how long it takes our hearts to realize what has been lost or what was never present in the first place, will never again recaptured.

I look around a final time at the happy couples and wonder how long it will be until time takes its toll on them as well.  I can’t help but wonder too, how many others once sat in their quiet, lonely world and watched us laughing and smiling with each other so long ago; wondering how long it would be until our laughter and interest turned to dust.   If I knew who those people were, I would find them and tell them…..that time is now.
LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 55 Responses Nov 18, 2012

Your Response


We're going through something very similar right now... she would say that about me at least to some degree. My problem is that I am engrossed in my MBA program right now (one more class), I have tax season coming up (I prepare taxes), and of course, I work. Where the problem comes in is that I cannot seem to impress upon her that this is TEMPORARY, mostly until school is over. Do you have any temporary stressors that might get out of the way someday?

I can understand temporary stressors along with responsibilities that must be taken care of. The things the effect my marriage are neither. They are permanent and irreversible.

I am so sorry! I can relate. We have issues aside from her complaints of my "coldness" as she calls it. We didn't get here overnight. Well... all you need do is glance at my stories a little... ;-)

I will. Thank you.

Thank you! My earliest stories did the most venting. The problems still raise their ugly heads however.

I hope it settles down for you after this busy period.

Thanks! I hope the root problems can be worked on, otherwise I'm not so sure. But I DO know that the extra stresses definitely do not give me the time I would like for quality couples time.

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This paints quite a scene...

It is the scene of my marriage for years now - locked into place and permanent.

My ex and I were in this same situation years ago. We could never get those feelings back again but then again, she and I were never that close to begin with. She was never my best friend.... sad. My new GF and I go out and watch other couples and see the same thing. No communications, no interaction and no physical affection.

I am glad you have been able to find a new beginning. I wish you much happiness and joy together with your girlfriend.

Silence.. I know it all too well. The lonely feeling, the longing for what once was. The hugs and kisses. The laughter and love. It's all gone. Our marriage a shell of its former self. What happened? Life did. We grew up and grew apart.

You were lucky to have had those feelings to begin with. Some of us never have.

I know the feeling and just a few hours ago I said to him. There are so many couples we know including your parents and ourselves who look happy to people around us but back home sleep in different bedrooms. His response was, isn't life strange. Like hello what world or planet are you on??? certainly not mine.

Couples often stay together because the alternatives appear too challenging

You so right. We on the same page as far as our children are concerned, even though they are adults now. But.... there is a home to come to with a Mom and Dad and our grandson has us both at the same house. We able to put our differences aside and have a happy family time when all together.

This is so true in my case.

mpde: What response did you expect or desire?

I didn't expect a response, just writing down a fact about my life.

This is my life...for now.

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Add a response...

I have sat through countless date nights exactly like you described . I habe been married 10 years and it seems to have been that way since we had children but I am bound by the fear that my kids would not be able to maintain the lifestyle that we currently have. I love my family and aside from the SM everything is good or maybe I am just numb to other issues because the SM is consuming me.

Many people stay for the kids rather than for the marriage or love of spouse. Reasons for staying are different for everyone. Thank you for the comment.

Your initial post was Nov of 2012. Since then, you have been replying various posts. What is your position now in 2014, LadyBronte? Is he still emotionally bankrupt? Are you in the marriage because of loyalty, because old habits die hard, because of the comfort factor, because of fear of change? This 24 x7 work, instant availability thingie has killed many many hundreds of thousands of relationships globally. There IS something called "too much." In most cases, technology controls lives. Thank God I dont have a smart phone and have not succumbed to the urge to have technology control my life. Once I log off from office, I go home. No more net until the next day at work. I dont encourage personal calls at work unless they are very urgent and similarly I dont encourage official calls after work hours. I refuse to answer any emails or calls. I draw the boundaries between my professional and personal life and expect all and sundry to respect that boundary or else take a hike. That boundary is very important and technology is responsible for erasing that boundary. Similarly, we have certain rules regarding eating supper as a family or sharing details of everyone's day, etc. Helps us all stay connected. Sitting as a family, overlooking the water, one listening to music, one reading a book, the spouse and me in companionable silence, THAT is familly bonding time. I think, LadyBronte, you lost most of this; I would venture to say it just ebbed away from your lives. If you can reinstitute these things in your life, you have a chance, else you are relegated to a piece of furniture. Dont let that happen to you, you are far too intelligent to give up. Having bad days is okay, but stay and fight. After all, you DID see something good and exciting in each other at one point. Do you remember the days where you both could'nt wait to be alone and grab each other, etc? You are at the bottom of the valley now and you have a long trudge to the top. The trip is going to be long and painful, but you can do it. Would appreciate an update in my inbox, all the best.....Jiks

It is still the same -nothing has changed. I don't look for it to and for a multitude of reasons. As for your question - even the early days weren't like that.

Yikes. Thank you for the update. I understand how you are feeling. You are going through the motions of being married, while living under the same roof for the sake of the kids or for mutual convenience or whatever. Either way, you said you are busy on social media and with other friends. I just hope and pray that you find ONE MAN who is capable of giving you what you want and need and wish for, physically, mentally, emotionally and in all other spheres of your life as well. God bless. J

We go out fairly regularly to dinner, just the two of us. I have his attention, we have good conversation.

Although a few weeks ago he was talking, and as I looked at him I kept remembering what he said to me when I asked him why he didn't seem to want me anymore: something about having a lot going on and he "didn't need me whining at him about it"

I don't think I will ever forget it, no matter how many nice dinners we go to.


With so many important things going on in his life (you not being one of them) and with all of the difficult decisions that he has to make, you need to make things easier for him.

Take away his weighty decision on where to eat - have dinner in your bedroom. Then hand him his cell phone, so that he can make all of those very important phone calls. Tell him to hold on tight to the cell phone. Then rip his clothes off, push him back onto the bed and do whatever it is you want to do with him.

In the movie, Network, Faye Dunaway demonstrates just how this can work. The big sex scene shows it can be done during the middle of a business conversation. Mission accomplished! He may not even notice that it happened!

The days where that was even a remote possibility are over. I placate myself by staying busy on social media or by hobbies such as writing or reading. I'd get by.

Words can cut like a knife and the scars take many times as long to heal. Words spoken hurt as much as those that are withheld and never heard.

Try changing restaurants!

A choice of venue has nothing to do with it.

Metaphorically speaking

That's the truth, w a y too much water under the bridge for just a different restaurant to change things.

Sounds like a teenager!

Anyways, if you want, you could request that dining rooms and restaurants become "cell free" zones - meaning, leaving if you must use the cell phone. Of course, you need to decide if that would be an improvement...

At this stage it would not.

One has a choice look inward only. or look outwards and search for alternatives to interest in life

Alternatives keep my mind busy - reading, writing, listening to music. Nothing though, keeps the soul or heart engaged.

Have you tried breaking the cycle, perhaps teasing his crotch with your feet, or sending him a sexy message? Something out of the box may help. Regardless, you are an incredibly passionate and talented writer. Your words are so compelling. Amazing. Sad.

Thank you for the compliment. But no - there is nothing left.

That is sad, but I guess it happens. Have you taken another lover? You are smart, talented, thoughtful. You deserve some spice in your life!

Laughs. No I am done with that too. It is destined to turn out the same. I don't need more than one in my life for whom I am not enough. Not seeking sympathy. Just sayin.

You should not be so resigned and assume things would turn out the same, for they almost never do. But you seem to have found joy in other places and that is sometimes more than others have. Keep looking for that and one day you may be surprised.

You may be correct but I shan't expect it or seek it.

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Tears streaming down my face for you both.

Thank you.

Taking a lover is just compounding the whole problem. DONT.!!!

That never works either. I seem to have missed the lecture on Love 101

You've written your story so well. I'm sorry to see you going through that. Maybe you need to make the first step, make his favourite dinner and send the kids out so it's just you and him? Make it a candle light dinner, try kissing him before he enters the house. I don't know. You're both around each other. You should be able to love each other, and then trust each other. It is difficult, and a long process, but you can do it. Do it. Be happy. Try. Trying will give you something to do with yourself. Be positive. Try. Try. Try.

Thank you for your kind words. At this point though - it appears that we have become more of an annoying habit neither knows how to break - more than anything else. I tried for years - I don't have the heart to anymore. But thank you - you seem to be a very nice person. Hugs ~

Dear LadyBronte,

I cried when I read this because I am going through the same thing with my husband. He is sitting next to me on the couch right now as he always does. I woke at 9 this morning and he said two words to me "Good Morning" that was it. For the last 2 months I have lived in silence every day while he is engrossed in his computer trying to make money as an Internet Marketer, in the mean time I go about my duties as I am now a Servant instead of a Wife and I too wonder where it all went wrong.. My heart goes out to you for I know what you are going through.. God Bless

I'm sorry. I know how much rejection hurts. I hope you find your way back to the happiness you once had together. Hugs ~

Of course i feel bad for you as i read your story. To be taken for granted is never good. Chances are your husband feels the same way. My wife once told me" Dont ignore me all week and expect me to jump your bones" I hope it works out for you.

Thank you, but no my husband is fine. He doesn't realize there's a problem. Emotionally bankrupt is the term I use.

Not speaking for all men just myself. Now and then I need to be reminded there was a time when i sent flowers and called to just say " How is your day, I love you". My wife and I were getting ready for bed one night and she mentioned she had almost 100 texts from me. I told her to erase them and she said she didnt mind clearing out the ones said need milk and bread. It was the one i sent her asking how her day was and saying I love you that she kept.Since then she never goes a day without getting the good kind.

She is a very lucky woman. Good for you. It's nice to know there are still men of integrity who know the meaning of chivalry. :)

I have been there, LadyBronte. It is such a sad thing, isn't it?

Yes, it truly is. Thanks for your comment.

I wish you the best! Happiness...

And you as well. :) I hope your situation has now improved.

Vivid and lonely image. Very sad. But love is both a noun and a verb. Two people can still choose to love before they completely lose the love.

That is true, but it takes two to choose. The effort has long since faded away and with that the ability to rekindle any feeling.

Same for me. Except I work hard to avoid any one on one moments

What a beautiful writer you are. You've probably been told this any number of times. I wish you joy in 2013, LadyBronte!

Thank you! You're very kind. :) Happiness to you in the New Year too.

A big and serious conversation between you and your spouse needs to happen. You can either both make the Herculean effort needed to find what you have lost, or agree that it is gone for good. Do this before you end up hating each other.

I left it too late - far too late - but I have made my escape and I am in a much happier place.

I hope you find your happiness again - it can be done. Good luck.

Thank you. I'm glad you've found happiness again. Perhaps 2013 will be the year to make positive changes of some kind......

I love the title to your story... Good album and perfect for the story. Sorry about your situation and hope you can find your spirit again one day. Your voice is still alive, uncage your spirit.

Thank you. I hope to do that very thing someday.

I know that you will. It takes courage to say I want to be myself again and a lot of strength to make it though. You will need friends to hold you up and support you through the hard times, what ever you decide to do. You have come to the right place. We are here for you.

:) Thank you.

I can not imagine life as you describe it. My heart goes out to you. I will try and read more of you. Thank you.

Thank you.

Dear LadyBronte:

I know exactly how you feel. Some of the saddest times of my life were when I was married and was lonelier than I had ever been when I was single. I didn't get married until I was 40 and loved my husband more than anything but his behaviors ruined our marriage. Stay strong and do what you know in your heart is best for you. We only live one life - and life is way too short. I wish you the best of luck.


Thank you Janice - I hope you have since found happiness too.

This must have felt awfull sit in a restaurant where all the couples seems to be happy and you and your husband are so distant and you even write this story right there .....i wouldnt go with him anywhere if he is like this, quite enough that i have to share bed with him each night.... No need to have the same behaviour during the day....find someone to be happy with

Thank you, Glorian. I hope to.

This is so sad...the opposite of love is not hate but indifference. Have you reached the tipping point?
But I do understand, sometimes when you are married for so long, you just run out of things to say to one another, or you keep talking about the same old things, or
you talked about practical things that need doing (like the bills, money or the house), or the children but never *about us*
IMO, some people have affairs because they wanted to recapture that feelings again and the *spark* that has gone from their marriage. They want to feel ALIVE again.

Talk to him, tell him how you feel..most likely he is feeling the same way too. Try to reconnect again if you can..

PS: Switch off that damned mobile phones when you out at a restaurant!!!

Mine used to be switched off - but as they say - when you can't beat 'em, join 'em. The only conversations these day are as you say - practical things.

So sorry- I do know how it feels. But for me it's a bit different. She puts on the show of a happy marriage in public, but at home, there is no sense of the responsibility to maintain the relationship. She just pretends everything is swell without lifting a finger to show love or affection. I signed up for a life of growing a marriage. She, apparently decided on the wrinkle-free version. Just wash and wear. No care required.

I'm sorry. I wish there was an easy answer for us all. Hugs ~

Patience, persistence and staying focused & optimistic. Easier said than done, though. Good luck to you. Remember that you're not alone.

Thank you Bfinally, nor are you.

Sad. I've been there myself. Now I sit alone.

:( Hugs~

It's true, isn't it? We all believe we will stay blissfully happy....

But people DO change...our lives DO's just such a shame that we don't always change in the same direction as the other....I, too, understand this....too well, it seems....

I wish you happiness...we all deserve that much...

This posting is a beautiful sentiment though.....very nicely written.....thank you for sharing....

Thank you for your comment.
I'm glad you enjoyed reading it.

Thought provoking. My wife is not a good conversationalist unless it involves her work, so when we go out we end up not talking much because I've heard her stories and complaints so many times before.

I'm sorry. That can't be a very happy time for either of you

On the contrary, she gets to here herself talk and I sit and pretend to be interested. I should havepicked up on clues before we were married. She wasn't a big talker then. Live and learn.

Too bad it's only hindsight that is 20/20.

sad but a way of many peoples lives... if the spark isnt kept glowing the fire dies out.... sometimes a little breeze can reignight the flame but will soon return to ashes unless more fuel and care is added... dont let the embers go out if you can help them ....entice them back to their rightful place within your heart and his.

Thank you, but I think the spark died out a long time ago.

LadyBronte, I'm there with you. I can't count the number of times I've looked at my wife during any social gathering whether it be friends or family...or just the two of us....and seen that she is completely intranced by something on her phone. We've only been together five years...and i being in my 40's feel the same disgust with where we've wound up. We have grown so far apart in every aspect of our life. If it's not the phone keeping her from engaging in conversation with me or friends or family, it's some new cause she has adopted and jumped into. This usually only lasts a few days until the phone takes her attention again and keeps her from accomplishing anything in her new cause. Then shortly...she's on to a new cause. My family family can count on the fact that they can't count on her to contribute to any family event, even though she places responsibility for our personal events onto my family to complete. It's a viscious circle.

Yes. It is a vicious cycle. Once it's run its course, there seems to be nothing left to do. Sorry you feel this too. Hugs~

Wow your story is very emotional. I thought of something similar the other day, how couples get together thinking they will always be as happy as they are right now...and of course it usually always changes. People change, feelings change, change is constant.

I agree with cactusrose, perhaps your husband is stuck in an emotional rut. I hope you two can recapture the feelings you had during happier times. It can happen.

Thank you. I guess only time will tell.

I know that feeling and it hurts. Keep on communicating you never know. Sometimes the other person is feeling the same way.

Thank you. Sometimes I wonder if the other person ever feels at all.

Loved your story and I really feel this too but my story is a little different, see me and my husband are like these loving couples or at least he is, we have been married 5 years and he would always shower me with hugs and kisses and keep saying how amazing I am and how is so in love with me in front of friends and family.... But deep down I just wish that he disappear, that I wake up one day and these 10 years relationship have never happened.... Don’t let looks deceive you there is more than meet the eye.
One more thing, if you are feeling this there is big chance he is feeling this too , you are one . try to reach to him , maybe he will respond

Thank you. I have reached. Now I'm tired of reaching. I'm sorry you are feeling gay way too. Perhaps things will change for you too?

I feel like this. Its been 5 long years and i can't help but think this is it? You have got to be kidding me. No way all those movies are about love and marriage and this 5 weekend at home playing video games is what I get to look forward to. I know kids will be exciting but I just know in my gut that he cannot be the ever mythical "one" he makes me feel crazy maybe its me or maybe something with a low libido or something. I'm 26 and this miserable.

I have given it over 20 years and it feels like forever. You are young enough to make changes and find happiness. I wish the best for you. Hugs ~

You write very well. Thank you for sharing this emotional story. A lot of us out here seem to be experiencing the same thing.

Thank you. And I'm sorry you understand.

I remember feeling that way in my first marriage...... my ex even told me several times that she didn't know if she loved me any more....... I loved her very much for 23 years...... we divorced 2 years ago.......... I've met a wonderful woman who loves me in ways I never thought possible, she and I met soon after my divorce. We dated for a year and though I had reservations that we had met to quickly after my divorce those feelings we away after about 7 months, there was a part of me that felt it couldn't be possible to find a woman capable of loving in the manner that she is.... not that fast after having been married for so long. But those feelings too subsided, and I knew that she was the one I had always longed for, hoped for and dreamed of. She is now my wife and I am soooo thankful that I found her. She is loving, kind, and gives so muchh of herself to me. I love her dearly, and thank God for her daily. I suppose that what I'm trying to say is..... Do not stay in a loveless, unconnected marriage..... I left for reasons I will not discuss in this type of forum as they are personal, suffice it to say I was justified in leaving the marriage. But had I known that the love of my life was out there waiting for me to find, in retrospect I probably should have left long ago but did not because I wanted my children to grow up in a family with two parents...... What ever happens I wish you the best. Good luck and God Bless You and Yours.

Thank you, RVD. It's wonderful that you've found your love and I wish you both much happiness together! You gave me much to think about, yet I am still trapped with in the obligations of family and other things at this time. Hopefully it won't be forever. I would love to find the light of my life.... Hugs~

I feel your situation. People think it is so easy to just up and leave when it aint.

Thank you - No, it really isn't. Easier said than done.....

I agree leaving my marriage was the hardest thing I've ever done, and I've been to war in Iraq, worked in Emergency Medicine for 25 years, served 20 years in the military, I stayed probably longer than many people would trying to make things work, but sometimes relationships become so broken they are beyond repair.......... On one hand I hate that it came to divorce, yet on the other I feel very fortunate to have met and fallen in love with an amazing woman. We all have choices and circumstances that surround those choices... Again best wishes, and blessings! Ryan.

Thank you Ryan. I appreciate it. There are so many who don't understand certain situations and the struggles related to them. I hate that you know how it feels, but it's nice to be understood.

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If it weren't for technology, we would not have all of us on here to talk to online.........for real, try talking to friends of yours @Starbuck's or some other venue and telling them your man don't deliver the "mail/male" anymore................only thing that would happen is coffee shooting out of your friends' nostrils as you had the guts to say what was really bothering you.

You have that right! There is no one in my real world that is privy to any of this. EP is a good medium to work everything out.

That is a huuuuuuuuuuge understatement in my offline world. I can't tell anyone. Everyone else lets their sh*t out in the open but never have I heard any of them say that their husbands won't "play post office.:" Everything else you can imagine but it must be taboo to discuss this. I know there have to be others where I live that have my problem. just to leave that subject alone - for everyone's sake.

I blurted it out, and my friends laughed like crazy at first. Once they realized I was serious, it was incredible how 2 women confessed they were in the same predicament. The other 3 have divorced and have younger boy toys, so they don't understand why we tolerate a sexless relationship. Since that day, with people I'm close to, i speak freely about it. They can't make my man "jump my bones", but it does help a little bit, kind of.

Lucky you! I would be run out of town if I ever dared share my personal thoughts and problems. lol. Good friends, but not very open minded.

It was strange, like I couldn't pretend one minute longer. There was definitely a second of pure silence, which felt like 5 minutes! I have some really great friends, for sure. I wish you had this same freedom.

Haha - awkward silence - I'm sure it was! And thanks! Me too! :)

It's the embarrassment and silence that's part of the trap (like hiding bruises I guess...).

So true, until you just can't keep up the lie anymore. I stopped worrying about how others perceived my guy. I felt like it was so obvious that things were rough between the 2 of us, and they could see through my lies. It is embarrassing though, and an awkward silence that lasted a lifetime! :)

I think it's that perception that's kept me quiet all this time. He's always been the 'golden child' around here.

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LOL yeah remind me of a time when out with the H and the waitress at this cute bistro brought us separate checks as she assumed we were just colleagues or friends rather than lovers.........that should have me woken me the hell up but I kept denying what was happening.

Seriously? Yikes! Sorry you went through this too. I think it's human nature to try to keep it afloat for a while regardless of the cost. Don't you?

:) thanks.

Beautifully written...poignant and sad.

Thank you.

This moved me all the way to the bottom of my heart. I know that I would rather live as I do, alone, rather than be in a loveless marriage.

Thank you. I think it would almost be kinder to be anywhere but in a lonely loveless marriage.

it all comes down to of my life...we rarely get to marry the true loves of our lives ..thats why it turns out this seems that one of the two is settling...that is why we cant sustain a wonderful loving relationship...we marry too young many times have you ( or him) thought to yourself ...why didnt i marry so and so....

and by the way...cell phones have destroyed many relationships...

I agree. People marry for many reasons - not just for love. Sadly many do settle.

was he really the "love of your life"

No, sadly he wasn't which is the other tragedy...

This was beautifully written, I enjoyed it very much even under the circumstances.

Thank you.

So sad...dreams to dust ....... and thoughts on what might have been.

Thank you.

Albert Einstein:
"I fear the day when the technology overlaps with our humanity. The world will only have a generation of idiots."

Technology has created and still continues to create idiots. It also creates a new kind of lonely.

Yes - it does and that is sad....

Extremely well written!, very sad moments and loads of time wasted which could have been fun, happy loving moments spent together:(

Thank you. Yes - wasted time.

Fyi, this is a beautifully written story, by the way.

Thank you.

Th dreamer in me visualizes you sitting there, the smell of the street; traffic, people, corner markets. The energy of the closeness, the cobbled street - something special.

You show him your story - and he shows you his. Both are well written, sad and kind - without blame. You both smile and then hug - the tipping point, arrived in a magical place and with so much courage to face the grim reality. Maybe you kiss and know it is now time for it to be over - maybe not. But you moved.

- Striking to me though, my wife could have written this story - as could many of my fellow ILIASM commentators here today. I am that guy now. I have checked out and decoupled from my wife- yet she was the refuser.

Stories are based on a time period - a point where the clock starts. This is my wife's story if we shift the scene from Italy to points further North and step back a few years. Now she goes alone.

Your visualization - would be a wonderful ending - or should I say beginning - regardless of the direction taken. Instead though - we sit trapped in the world we have made for ourselves. I take it you have started again. I hope it is going well for you. Hugs ~

Time doesn't always take its toll. Of course there should be a good effort on both sides.

No, for some, time seems to only make it better.

Ours was different to this. We were one of those couples who were engaged and laughing in the restaurant. We got on very well, I had an amiable friend and roommate. Everything was fine as long as I didn't expect to have sex more than a couple of times a year or even discuss the subject (no problem in talking about sex as a third party phenomenon, she actually had very liberal views - but bring up the subject of our sex life and the defences went up before the sentence was fully out of my mouth). The 'click' point in my head, was when she offered me 'birthday sex' in early October of last year, before that had been April (our wedding anniversary in July had been too soon after that one I guess...).

So sometimes those engaged, smiling, laughing couples, chatting away easily ,are still harbouring a desperately lonely and unhappy spouse.

I am sure you are not alone in that situation. Too many unhappy spouses with problems unique to their own situations. I am truly sorry for you loneliness...

You said it tthetree. We are also one of the couples engaged and talking in a restaurant, but not in the bedroom. :(

More common than most people realize, I think.

I can relate. When we sit at a restaurant, my husband doesn't even sit straight, he sits sideways, so as not to have to look at me, I'm sure. He told our marriage counsellor that he gets anxiety if we go out to dinner alone because he knows I'll want a "deep and meaningful" conversation with him. He is just not capable.

I'm sorry, TLTA. Some people aren't capable of intimate conversation. They are simply emotionally bankrupt. I hope your counseling works for you two and you manage to find your way back to each other. Hugs ~

Oh. My. God. You are married to my ex? That deep & meaningful conversation statement gave me déjà vu all over again.

That used to be us. We used to look at one another, smile and share looks that only we would understand. Now? He barely looks at me. When he does? Not much smiling and certainly not sharing a secret look. It feels like he doesn't even like me anymore.

I'm sorry GE37. But I do understand. Hugs ~

Thank you. I'm sorry you and anyone else goes through this. It just sucks so many couples end this way? Doesn't have to be like this either. Every day be a trail of rose petals? No, but showing love and respect isn't asking too much either. Good luck in your journey, LB.

Thank you. Good in your journey too. May you find happiness and joy.


You are a wonderful writer. Your short message spoke volumes ... of melancholy, wistfulness, nostalgia, and hurt.

What can I say? People sometimes grow apart. It sounds like you still love him. Can you make some tiny baby steps in reconnecting with him. Is there a way you can communicate the fact that in spite of everything you still care about him?

If not ... is it possible to end this chapter of your life and start another one?

Thank you. I'm not sure how it will go from here. But at this point - there is no chance of making progress to connect - baby steps or otherwise. It is what it is and we learn to change or roll with the proverbial punches.

My dear LadyBronte, if that is the case then my heart goes out to you. Somehow you seem very practical and you are appraising the situation realistically and not being overly melodramatic about it.

In my case, I have never been married and have never found my true love. In the romance department I feel I've been a complete failure. "Always the bridesmaid, but never the bride," as they say ...

You have been in love at least once. Better to have loved and lost, than never to have been loved at all.

Personally, I think you are still young enough to start over and find the man who will cherish you for the rest of your life. What do I know? Nothing! How foolish of me to even make suggestions.

You do seem to be an uncommonly bright, articulate, and most important of all - feeling person. I wish you the best of luck and future happiness!!!

Thank you meezkite. I appreciate your kind words. I have to live believing in that phrase - The sun always rises tomorrow and you never know what goodness and opportunity it may bring. Hugs to you and wishes for happiness as well.

I guess all of us can relate to that scene...
Suddenly browsing Facebook on the phone becomes more interesting than talking to our spouses...
Year after year trying to fix the unfixable drains the life out of you...
Why do we even stay?

Duties, responsibilities, obligations..... Those don't seem to be nearly good enough reasons though, do they?

They seam to be in the first years of a SM, when we still have hope and even get some strength out of those "duties, responsibilities and obligations" to keep things going.. to keep trying... But with the time we become so alone that we start wondering if it's even right to use it as a justification for our lack of courage...

Agreed. I often have the same thoughts.

He leans forward over the well organised desk, a clever Windsor knot marking the contrast of cobalt blue tie, white shirt and tailored dark suit. He extends his hand. His grip is firm, dry, comforting somehow.
The walls of the office are austere, understated. Several framed degrees attest to the qualifications of the offices occupant, and the name plaque says, in copperplate scrip "Marcus Scrotum, Divorce Attorney.
"How can I help you Lady Bronte /" he says evenly - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Tread your own path.

*smiles* Thank you, Bazzar, for your comment. Well written even down to the whimsey of his name. I am slowly but surly working on treading my own path.

LOL. I hope to meet Marcus Scrotum soon.

Get in line behind me sister! ;) Haha!

Alright, but get it over quick!

Not to worry - it will be short and sweet. But hurry and get in line before everyone else gets here :)

(Scrotum, Scrotum, and Scrotum, Attorneys at Law...
We have the Sack to fight for our clients...)

Sheesh Baz -- you do make me laugh - in such a discomforting and poignant way.


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