We Are Dealing With More Than Just Refusing Partners.

There have been a few stories in our group, that have made me decide to post the following.

Most of us here are very aware of the non sexual side of the relationship in the marriage, that we are or were in. And many, despite pleadings and discussions, have gotten no where, and so wanted out of the marriage, and have gotten divorced. And those individuals are now going on with their life.
But there have been a few posts here, that show another side to the .....rest of the story....The divorce became an evil greedy game of grab all, and now not only was the sexless person deprived of a life while married, that person now is being deprived of a way to live normally, after a divorce..

My suggestion, is if you suspect your partner may become like this, before you really decide to fight, get legal advice. Find out the facts. Get all the information you can..At least, that way, you may still end up with the possibility of being bankrupt, but at least, you have the option and time to think about that, and perhaps, choose door number 3, or 4..

This ruthless game of, I want all,coming from the refusing spouse, is a side that is full of vengeance, and will be a formidable problem to deal with. I don't know if that is part of their controlling nature, I just don't know. I was lucky, my divorce did not become that. But I have no idea what type of personality is involved to be that determined to bring so much personal destruction to another. It is extremely destructive, and long lasting and unforgiving. If you have that type of personality in your life, then you need expert legal advice to assist and plan your exit.
neuilly neuilly
61-65, F
5 Responses Nov 19, 2012

I never thought of being broke as a good thing...suddenly it is. :D
...My STBX is afraid the court's going to force her to pay me alimony.
I really don't want her money, I don't intend to take it, and will tell the judge as much...the STBX spent time she could have used to attempt to fix her marriage learning how to program.
She considered her skill set more of a priority than me.
...She can keep her money.

Secretdivorce.com educated me regarding the formulaic method used by the courts in no-fault divorces.

Shrink4Men.com prepared me for what I was up against. In my particular case, it was far more valuable than this forum, because my sexless days would eventually end after divorce... but co-parenting with a BPD is a multi-decade affair.

exactly..and so it just helps to know and be aware. I am not trying to scare people off from taking charge of their life. i just don't want the rug unexpectedly pulled out from under them..Thank you for sharing the web information. That just may be someone's life saver.

It is a way for the controlling spouse to try to keep their control. By further threatening and trying to grab all, especially as it is the last thing they can hold on to.

At first, I thought your post was going to be another one of those "know it all" psychobabble b.s..............but it wasn't. Very helpful advice. Never attempt even a discussion of divorce without your ducks in row........legal ones that is.

In my (no fault) jurisdiction, it matters not a lot whether you divorce him or he divorces you. The split will be pretty much the same. You don't get "extra" because you were the instigator.


Time can be used by a ***** (or pricket) to spirit away / hide / conceal assets so that by the time you do take action, the asset pool is not what it ought be.

Happened to enna's sister. Her refuser kept up a campaign of delay for several years, ostensibly to look after everyones best interests, but in reality to spirit away a couple of million which she saw NONE of in the final split.

Tread your own path.