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Wearing The Inside Out...

As I sat every single night of my life since computers because affordable, and now I have my trust iPad, I sit on the couch while she watches her shows. I can't stand the CSI shows because they are full of fake technology that doesn't exist. So I sit there with my headphones on and I listened to a core group of songs that actually KEPT me from ending it a long time ago. Some were full of rage and hate (SO the opposite of who I am but what I felt burning inside) and some were beautiful.

I wanted to share one that is in my DNA forever. Its such a beautiful song by Pink Floyd. Its called "Wearing the Inside Out". Below is a link and the lyrics. Just thought I'd share...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5maelCiug4


Wearing the Inside Out Lyrics

From morning to night I stayed out of sight
Didn't recognize I'd become
No more than alive I'd barely survive
In a word... overrun

Won't hear a sound (He's curled into the corner)
From my mouth (But still the screen is flickering)
I've spent too long (With an endless stream of garbage to)
On the inside out (...curse the place)
My skin is cold (In a sea of random images)
To the human touch (The self-destructing animal)
This bleeding heart's (Waiting for the waves to break)
Not beating much

I murmured a vow of silence and now
I don't even hear when I think aloud
Extinguished by light I turn on the night
Wear its darkness with an empty smile

I'm creeping back to life
My nervous system all awry
I'm wearing the inside out

Look at him now
He's paler somehow
But he's coming round
He's starting to choke
It's been so long since he spoke
Well he can have the words right from my mouth

And with these words I can see
Clear through the clouds that covered me
Just give it time then speak my name
Now we can hear ourselves again

I'm holding out (He's standing on the threshold)
For the day (Caught in fiery anger)
When all the clouds (And hurled into the furnace he'll)
Have blown away (...curse the place)
I'm with you now (He's torn in all directions)
Can speak your name (And still the screen is flickering)
Now we can hear (Waiting for the flames to break)
Ourselves again
Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 8 Responses Nov 19, 2012

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Thank you for these lyrics. Love this story & I do love Pink Floyd. I actually enjoy all your stories. Its interesting and so enlightening to know that there are so many people in the same situation. Imagine if we all were able to meet... Wow! Just wanted to say thanks for sharing... It helps more than you know.

I have been in a marriage for 30 years - miserable, I might add. I have stayed believing I was doing what was best for everyone else. Not disrupting the lives of my children, etc. Now that my children are grown I realize the only thing I disrupted and sacrificed was my own life and happiness. I pray you are not making that same mistake.

Thank you!! I have an exit plan. Just two more years. Meanwhile I am opening myself to a friend with benefits. So I shall be keeping my eyes and ears a little more open in my day :)

Good for you! :)

Dude, let me know when you're ready to get really angry. I just digitized my old Dylan LP called "Blood On the Tracks."

Crank that bit of technology up, and enter "Divorce Lawyers - (Your locality)"
Pick one.
Ring the number.

Tread your own path.

Thats the same kind of advice I would pop off with to someone else!! Well played my friend!

<p>Thanks, music's been important to me at some emotional times. In the depths of the Bad-Old-Days, I had the words of the Beatles song (I know...) swirling unbidden round my head: "Some day, you'll look, to see I'm gone, for tomorrow may rain so I'll follow the sun".</p><p>It was helpful - emotionally - to get me to a place where I could act.</p><p>PS - to be slightly irritating, I find your comment "now I have my trust iPad" a pretty fitting statement for the recent fad in these type of gizmos. I do not want one as a production/creative device, it's a consumption device.</p>

Oh my god...so much pain... I'm so sorry.

Mate, I hope you realize that you stay of your own free will, its your choice and your responsibility. You do this with full knowledge of the pain it entails. You know the score which your own personal recurrent groundhog day brings and your spouse has not compelled you to live like this. She made a decision unilaterally for herself and you have made one for yourself. Whether you learn to accept it or continue to struggle, it makes not one iota of difference to your spouse.

Oh I am fully aware of my situation. I have set a time line for myself. I am not going to throw the drama into my college kids' lives and make a move now. But it's coming. I just share to show others like me that they are not alone.

Ah, the exit plan.. Be well.

hmmm great!