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Frusterated

Been married 5 years..together for 7...I haven't had intamacy for a while.I know he is not cheating he is not that kind of man..but when I bring up the only issue I have with him he gets irratated...so my question is do I continue to be the wife I have always been and wait paitently for him or do I force my self to shut down and give him the cold shoulder until he figures it out
isitmyturn isitmyturn 36-40, F 4 Responses Nov 20, 2012

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I would ask him why he gets angry when you bring it up and force the answer out of him.

If he blows up and diverts your question into a complaint about you then you have some homework to do on just who you are married to.

Passive aggressive, narcissistic personalities have these behaviors and the more you learn about them the more worried you need to become.

Put them on the defense and they turn it around and get you on the defense and now you are answering there questions and thwy are off the hook with what you brought to the table.

I hope this is not the case for you but willing to bet you have something like it going on. Your just not aware of it yet.

Good luck.

that's exactly how these Nancy Boys play the game. They turn it around to where they are asking the questions and no matter what answer you give, they are not happy.

My wife is masterful at it.

I always reply with, i would be glad to talk about that also, but we need to finish what i brought up first.

Still i get no where.

Ahe admits she is passive aggressive but os mad that i lable her with it. I have never done so, i just replied that your the one that labled yoursef and i just spent time learning about it. And i also told her its not the lable that is important its the behaviors!

Danger is if he is no longer interested and you give him the cold shoulder then he will believe you are accepting of the situation and will carry on in blissful ignorance...if his libido has left the building he ought to see the doc imo.

Or maybe you need to check out a good divorce attorney.

<p>Neither strategy will work over the long term.</P><br />
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<p>I recommend you keep reading on here. Might find something of value.<br />
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You also might want to reconsider what you term as "cheating".<br />
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Just because he might not be stepping out doens't mean he isn't cheating. If he is ************ (whether alone or to ****, etc) on a routine basis and leaving you unsatisfied he is cheating you out of intimate love. If he refuses to engage you in an intimate manner he is cheating. Passive cheating can be done while relaxing in the recliner and is full brother to having an affair. BOTH can deprive the spouse of intimacy and can be done with deceit.</P>

You got that right. When you marry, you agree to fidelity.........and he or she is your only legal sexual outlet. If they don't regularly provide that than they are cheating you.

It is good that you are thinking of alternate choices.

But of the two you've come up with, they rank equally in their chance of bringing about a successful outcome.

Both rate a zero.

One relies on things remaining as they are (no sex)
The other relies on you putting the freeze on, but given that your husband doesn't want sex with you anyway, the result remains (no sex)

Your choices will likely have to get a bit more extreme here. It would be a good idea to read extensively in this group. You'll see what those other choices might be (you won't like them)

Tread your own path.

Very true.........................we don't often like the tough choices however we know that we need them.