Marriage Counseling - Session 3Session 3 was mostly with me this time. The reason is, I had forgotten that the kindergarten was closed today and we had to bring Baby Girl with us. The therapist said she would not allow us to discuss things in front of her, so H took her out and they had a snack at a local cafe.
T: So tell me how things are going. Good? Bad? Same?
Me: Good and bad. The good is that H wanted sex on the day he got back from China. He also is paying for something for the house for the first time in three years, the curtains and rollo plisee's. Bad is that he prefers to go out and drink over spending time with his family. Monday night I planned a steak dinner and he sneaked out of the house, leaving an note on the door that he needed a beer and would be back by 9 pm. Next night, last night, he goes out to watch football and comes home drunk at 1 a.m. He also did not remember our homework assignment, the three value statements. But I remembered.
T: Do you feel that he is a partner to you?
Then I told her how technically he is, but he does not want to spend time with me and our daughter and does not want to bother with conversation between us. I told her how I had some boyfriends in my 20's who loved to be with me, who loved to talk with me, and laugh with me, and that although I did not recognize it back then, I know today that those men gave me true love.
I also told her I traded sexual favors with Rudi in order to get the new bedroom light installed.
I told her that even in our courtship phase, my husband slept on the sofa but back then I always thought it was jet lag. Then we got married and the problem stayed even after I moved to Europe. I told her how the lack of sexual frequency left us no choice but to resort to IVF to have our child.
T: Why would you be afraid to go back to the States, as your parents offered to take you in if needed?
Me: I remember what it was like to work and live in the States. 10 to 12 hour workdays, lucky if you got three weeks of vacation, horrible public schools unless you get in the right district. Companies fire at will, often just because some manager does not like you, then you lose your health insurance. That is no quality of life for my child I tell you!! And I could not afford those extras like piano and soccer camp for her if I am a single mom trying to go it alone.
The therapist gave me homework : Suggest to H small activities for us to do as a family and document his responses each time.