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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

When Dead Becomes Good.

By: coolvolatile
Written on November 22nd, 2012
The worst feeling is when someone makes you feel special, then suddenly leaves you hanging, and you have to act like you don’t care at all.

I was dead. You walked in like a breeze, lifted me up, dropped me down and left. The hole you lifted me up from, felt deeper and darker, when you dropped me again, I am suppose to act like it dint matter, why should it matter, it wasn't even a one night stand. You came, you went, aired the dying fire into a blazing inferno. Now i burn and scorch within. Dead was good. Dead was very very good.

By: coolvolatile
Age: 26-30 , Female
431 people have read this story

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11 responses
  • sweetbutterbiscuit
    sweetbutterbiscuit

    Your story couldn't come soon enough. I fell for someone just as I was ready to take a long break from finding a companion because I can't handle the emotional turmoil of not knowing when and how it's going to end and knowing how unlikely it'll be me to end it.

    So, you are not dead and tomorrow the inferno you felt will be ashes, but you'll face the world knowing you are a woman worth knowing and treasuring.

    Nov 23, 2012
    1 like
  • Changewilldoyougood
    Changewilldoyougood

    Amen. There will always be these relationships that have so much promise, so much hope and so much passion and they turn out to have been false based on someone else's choices and actions. Those who are fake and put on pretense while you trust, even if perhaps too much, are the ones at fault, not you. You are special and you were special. Perhaps they were in fact, NOT special enough to stick around. That's my take at least.

    Nov 22, 2012
    2 likes
    • coolvolatile
      coolvolatile

      Thanks,
      I mourn for what could be, the underlying possibilities that will die and wither, the opportunities that are lost forever.
      Not for the man, but for the bloom in me his presence brought, and knowing, that it was going to be so short lived, and i will wither and die again, go thru the agony again. One more f*****g rejection to deal with. I am happy he came, its ok he left, I am not naive, but at the same time, I am sad I had to let him go, cuz with it, i let myself go one more time.

      Nov 23, 2012
      1 like
    • 88ElmiraSt
      88ElmiraSt

      He did you a favor. He ignited passions it sounds from your other story like you had forgotten you had. And he's a jerk for calling you stupid and leaving you hanging, so it is good he is gone. So you know you're not dead, and you're not falling into another bad relationship. Well poised to forge ahead.

      Nov 23, 2012
      1 like
  • EmptyWoman
    EmptyWoman

    The fire will die again. I'm at the point that I am happy to let it remain dead. I am tired of feeling exactly how you described it.

    Nov 22, 2012
    1 like
  • tthetree
    tthetree

    Yep, I had something like that first time out of the cage. Love, sex, intimacy... hurts like hell this stuff, but I'm glad to be alive again.

    Nov 22, 2012
    1 like
    • coolvolatile
      coolvolatile

      Somebody handed me a candy and snatched it away before barely getting a taste. Its hurts. its pure anguish.

      Nov 23, 2012
      1 like
    • tthetree
      tthetree

      Like anything that hasn't been exercised in a while, it's a shock to the system and it's painful. My observation is that sex is pretty common in the normal world, however, intimacy and love are much rarer. But compared to the stifling slow torture of a manipulative, controlling, sexless marriage I'd prefer to live in that normal world, even though I know full well I'm going to get hurt sometimes. Being alive has a complex texture of exhilaration and pain, but being 'dead' in a sexless marriage is a flat landscape of featureless cold misery. I chose life.

      Nov 23, 2012
      1 like
  • gypsyblu
    gypsyblu

    wow i love what you wrote !!!! beautiful!!! its so true!!!!

    Nov 22, 2012
    2 likes