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Open Marriage

Has anyone tried an open marriage? Has it worked for you and your spouse? Were there any rules? Please share.

Thank you,
SEXLESSINRI SEXLESSINRI 26-30 3 Responses Nov 22, 2012

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Reading your other story I get the impression that there might be (potential) substance abuse issues along with lack of intimacy (-----"Only time she is interested is if we are doing something with a mutual group or if she has been drinking.)

It is good that you are seeking individual therapy. This will help your own truth. Might not be of help to your marriage though. Therapy is probably the more authentic path to take at this point in your life.

OPEN marriages, Don't Ask/Don't Tell arrangements, etc. are unconventional and can be difficult to negotiate. They are probably not suitable for most folks (as a permanent solution) and they are a handful to deal with. For some they are a (temporary) solution to their long term problem (which is the marriage).

You need open and honest communications and that might be what you are lacking in your marriage.

At your age, with small children, getting to the root of your marital woes might be a more effective way to expend your energy.

What I meant about when she is drinking is when she goes out with friends. Tat happens maybe 1 time every couple of months. No substance abuse problems here.

Sorry to hear your misfortune. My wife and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary this year. To tell you the truth, I am surprised we made it this far. The first many years we had sex twice a day. Then, once a week, then once every two weeks. After awhile it seemed almost routine after 10 years. We always kept adventure in the bedroom with toys, lingerie and role play. But soon that even became routine.
One night during sex I asked her if she wanted to have a new sex partner, by bringing someone in, her choosing a guy or we try swinging. Several times during dinners out, my buddies would tell me they would give there left nut to do my wife. Kim is sexy and still has her college co-ed body. We talked about it for several weeks after that, but either we both chickend out or just unsure if our marriage was strong enough to try it and put up with all the emotional crap that goes along with it afterwards.
That was four years ago. Today, we are back to having sex twice a week.
Just hang on, show her you care, caress her and her emotional needs without expecting a quickie and it will pay off. I believe a open marriage will take your trust and respect for each other down a path you both don't want to travel. Good Luck!

To have a successful open marriage, you have to already have a very truthful and communacitive marriage for a start, to base this 'extra dimension' on.

There are assorted logistical matters that make this a complicated issue, for numerous reasons. There is not much point in outlining them if you haven't already got this necessary communacative and truthful relationship to base it on.

And, I am betting that you ain't got such a relationship.

Search "mvcmvc", a respected member here who is the best authority here on the subject.

Tread your own path.