Touch, Touching, TouchedTouch.
The essence of life. The non-verbal communication that imparts more information to the brain than nearly anything else. The touch of a hand in mine makes it hard for me to think of anything else.
I have had affairs in the past. I didn't want to have any more because i wanted to deal with my situation the right way and I wanted to be able to look myself in the mirror at the end of the day and sometimes I just couldn't because I felt awful. In those affairs, the drug that kept me coming back for more was touch - plain and simple. Not sex. Touch. Riding in the car holding hands. A caress on my arm while watching a movie. Her reaching up and putting her hands behind my head and pulling me close for a deep kiss - and pulling me close tightly. The warm, inviting hugs that went on for very long times.
Kissing. The ART of kissing. The royal grande dame of turn ons. Touching two sets of lips together softly at first. The feeling of those lips on your own. The moving of the mouths, the gentle parting of the lips and the tips of warm tongues slightly touching. Trailing off of the kiss to the cheek, the ear, the back of the neck. Eyes closed. So intense that every electron is firing like a howitzer and being one with the person and again, being a million light-years away sailing through space.............
I miss touch. I like touching. I liked being touched. Everybody is different and I understand that. I have given W much room NOT to like touch and kissing. Its her life too. But as much as she is allowed to NOT need it. I am allow TO need it as a part of my life.
I will find a friend. A friend in the same boat as me. Not ready to make the big shake up just yet and/or done living with a major puzzle piece missing from an otherwise pretty picture. She is out there. She wants the same things I want. She wants to be best friends. She wants from me, that puzzle piece... and I from her.
I read a lot about Cheating on EP and there are opposing sides. The only difference is we "cheaters" do not mind that "non-cheaters" don't "cheat". We don't go on their profiles and spew forth verbal vomit about their lack of "cheating". But the self-righteous have no problem doing that to us and adding to our pain. I will pray for them. Really.
I am done being the only person who touches me.