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Touch, Touching, Touched

Touch.

The essence of life. The non-verbal communication that imparts more information to the brain than nearly anything else. The touch of a hand in mine makes it hard for me to think of anything else.
I have had affairs in the past. I didn't want to have any more because i wanted to deal with my situation the right way and I wanted to be able to look myself in the mirror at the end of the day and sometimes I just couldn't because I felt awful. In those affairs, the drug that kept me coming back for more was touch - plain and simple. Not sex. Touch. Riding in the car holding hands. A caress on my arm while watching a movie. Her reaching up and putting her hands behind my head and pulling me close for a deep kiss - and pulling me close tightly. The warm, inviting hugs that went on for very long times.

Kissing. The ART of kissing. The royal grande dame of turn ons. Touching two sets of lips together softly at first. The feeling of those lips on your own. The moving of the mouths, the gentle parting of the lips and the tips of warm tongues slightly touching. Trailing off of the kiss to the cheek, the ear, the back of the neck. Eyes closed. So intense that every electron is firing like a howitzer and being one with the person and again, being a million light-years away sailing through space.............

I miss touch. I like touching. I liked being touched. Everybody is different and I understand that. I have given W much room NOT to like touch and kissing. Its her life too. But as much as she is allowed to NOT need it. I am allow TO need it as a part of my life.

I will find a friend. A friend in the same boat as me. Not ready to make the big shake up just yet and/or done living with a major puzzle piece missing from an otherwise pretty picture. She is out there. She wants the same things I want. She wants to be best friends. She wants from me, that puzzle piece... and I from her.

I read a lot about Cheating on EP and there are opposing sides. The only difference is we "cheaters" do not mind that "non-cheaters" don't "cheat". We don't go on their profiles and spew forth verbal vomit about their lack of "cheating". But the self-righteous have no problem doing that to us and adding to our pain. I will pray for them. Really.

I am done being the only person who touches me.
ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 9 Responses Nov 23, 2012

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Just had a huge argument with him last night, miss what we had seems its lost forever, falling in love for the first time is the most amazing thing , why can't it last , you have the kids the mortgage the huge responsibility and it seems you loose what you had all those years ago and the thought of that just makes me utterly utterly sad and I want that back so much but it seems its lost forever !!!!!

You made me smile I thank you for that

Well said!!! It is like a drug. Once u get just a little taste it's all u can think about, dream about. Craving it until it drives u crazy!

I get a 5 min pat on my back side as his coffee is heating up, or as I'm walking by him to get to the other room, he will give me a rub... as I walk by, yuck!

he sent me a text- it said " happy thanks giving " no love no sweetness to it .. just happy thanks/g i yelled at him... IM NOT A ROOM MATE

but his on line girl/f he has nothing but sweetness to say to her... one day ill get brave and tell her who he really is .....

he has done it to me and his x wife ..

promises promises is all he ever gives .. I'm lucky to even get the carrot in front of the donkey syndrome

I know exactly how you feel in reverse. I am sorry you have to go through this too.

Amen amen amen. I so miss it. Every so often he gives me a tantalizing little teaser of the past...a soft stroke on the back of my neck, a rub of the hand...but I don't really allow myself to enjoy it because it's all I'll get. Kissing...almost never. Not even pecks to say goodbye or goodnight anymore. Is there anything better than the feel of skin on skin? God, I miss that!!!!!

You absolutely have to not allow yourself to enjoy it. Because it is empty. And to me - its cruel. I'm with you

It is horrible to live a life without touch. It's simply human nature to desire it and to thrive from it. From the time we are first born!! Is it too much to ask the person we've devoted our life to for a little touch?... I never thought so.

"We don't go on their profiles and spew forth verbal vomit about their lack of "cheating"." Any why not??

The "cheaters" are always viewed as the horrible ones...we are accused of breaking up families and etc., etc. But what about the spouse that is driving us to cheat? When we've clearly communicated what we need...when we've begged and pleaded for years and years.... and still the spouse gives nothing. Aren't they JUST as guilty and horrible as the cheater?...

Also, interested statement from enna30 -- that SHE (the FWB) deserves to be respected and treated well. Being the FWB, I wonder if my mm would agree with that statement? I would love to hope so...

"But be aware that good sex has a habit of changing dynamics!"
How right it is!
You quickly realize that a touch and a kiss are not JUST that... The passion can rapidly fill you... and brake every jetty you carefully built... She might open a whole new world for you instead of being just a missing puzzle piece...

I can only hope :)

TDA, your decision is entirely your's to make. No moralising from me I can assure you. BUT! Remember that when you outsource, you involve a third person. That third person is an individual with feelings and rights.

You may believe that, provided you both agree at the onset that this is a FWB relationship - or a NSA relationship - that this will define the connection you have.

But be aware that good sex has a habit of changing dynamics! What will you do if she falls in love with you? How will you cope if you fall in love ith her? You DO need to consider and plan for these contingencies. And she, whoever she might be, deserves to be respected and treated well - not just as a convenient adjunct to your dysfunctional marriage.

I couldn't agree more enna. I am so at the point that I will let the chips fall where they may - so I have not a single worry if any of those things should happen. If someone were to fall in love with me - I would be shocked, amazed, and grateful :)

Well thanks for the reminder about liking being touched!

As for cheating, so what, it is your life and for anyone to judge you is no better than they cheating themselfs!