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Moving

He called me a ******* **** in front of the painter yesterday.
I'm so out of here.
I moved half my clothes to my Cincinnati home yesterday.
I'm moving the other half today!
Fool4Waiting Fool4Waiting 56-60, F 19 Responses Nov 24, 2012

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I am so happy you are moving and begining a new life, you deserve it. Please be happy

Please keep us updated. Praying for you.

Woo-hoo, FFW!!!!!

I am 'sort of' on topic here, indulge me will ya F4W.

It never fails to astound me, in a good way, when one of our ILIASM siblings - who have been undecided, or going to stick it out based on how they see the situation at this moment in time - suddenly have an event that tips them over. Even a relatively innocuos event invariably.

Here, you had an event where he called you a ******* **** in front of some dude you'd never met and will likely never see again. But, it was the "right" moment.

For me, it was a "wrong" (or maybe right) word in an otherwise unremarkable conversation back in October 2009. Out I went. It was the "right" time.

Tread your own path.

Yeah.
What a difference a day makes.

honey, i am SO happy to hear you are moving out. and he ain't a man. no true man would say that to a woman, much less to his wife. be fair to YOU in this process. let your rage propel you through the harder steps. keep us updated. warm hugs for you.

Ha! The Beat-My-Hairy-Ape-Chest-Because-I've-Been-Summarily-Dismissed ******* never did "reclaim" his master bedroom. Surprised? Don't be. What kind of a man calls his wife a ******* ****? I don't have to answer for you, I'm sure BUT if anyone wants to offer suggestions as to what kind of a man does that, feel free.

I have read many of your stories and I'm so proud of you for leaving. Please stay away, your dreadful marriage is over, move on and be happy.
I look forward to the day when you post the story about how leaving was the best decision you ever made!

I do too!

Please let us know you're OK?

I'm okay.

Hi.
Thanks everyone for your support.

Yeah, he hit my "third rail" (not sure what that means mvcmvc but I like the expression) when that came out of his mouth.

All I could feel was hatred and all I could see was the monster he is.

It's taken me a long time to get here; let me tell you exactly what happened.

I hired a painter to repair and paint the dining room ceiling (there's been a slow leak from the bathroom above that H FINALLY got around to fixing a few months back.) The painter was asking me if I wanted the light fixture pulled; he could paint around it if I wanted or pull it and paint beneath it.

I was discussing this with him.

H, in the next room (the front room) is snarling at me that I didn't close the front door all the way. It was closed; it just wasn't all-the-way snugly closed because I was going in and out putting wreaths on the front of the house.

He's standing there, while I'm talking with the painter, saying, "You call this closed? This door isn't closed...blah blah blah."

"Hey, I'm talkin' to you - you hear me?!! Get over here and close this door!"

I said "Excuse me," to the painter and walked to the door and closed it.

Under my breath I said to H, still standing there by the door, "You're a ******* *******."

He blurts out, "You're a ******* ****!" not under his breath; not just between the two of us - but loud enough so the painter heard it - anyone in this big house would've heard it!

I saw red - I went outside - got in my car and drove up the road and pulled behind a small ***** center and cried.

That went on for about three minutes and then I came back here and started packing all my clothes into black garbage bags and hauling them downstairs.

"What are these?" he demanded.

"Oh, they're going to Goodwill-" he cut me short and said, "Why all at once? Take a couple at a time and get different receipts for all of them."

"No," I said, "I'm taking them all together."

"Oh, you ******* know best," he said, again loud enough for the painter to hear.

I STUFFED a dozen oversized black garbage bags into my car and headed for Cincinnati. I dropped them off and came back and went to bed.

He's texting me while I'm down there dropping the stuff do I want to meet him at a restaurant at 5:50?

"What do you think, *******?" I think to myself.

I ignored the text and his call.

I get up today at 5 and stuff the rest into bags. I have another dozen bags waiting upstairs and when he leaves on his Saturday morning gun club missions I'm outta here in a hurry.

8:47 to be exact.

Just came back for the finish up round I'm too tired to do it tonight.

He asks me what am I doing here and to go back to where all my clothes are and he's reclaiming the master bedroom and if I so much as let out a peep during the night he's kicking me out of the bed.

WTF????

We've slept apart now for several months; he was the one who left our bed.

I'm going to bed now - I'll fill you in on what happens in the morning.

NO - NO - THAT's not going to happen!

Again, thanks for your support.

Money makes strange bedfellows.

Man, do I have a lotta' clothes.
They're part of my long-fought effort to "attract" him.
Most of them REALLY ARE going to Goodwill!

I can't tell any of you how good this feels.

3rd rail will carry anywhere from 600 to 700, or more, volts of DC energy. If he happened to touch "your" 3rd rail, well sparks would fly regardless. Hope your doing well.

Just keep tearing yourself away... some of us just can't rip the damn bandage off all at once... we have to do it one little agonizing bit at a time...

...including some of us that give such sage advice about just doing it... that's how we know you see...

Heh, FoP. I'm not a friend of abuse. I have got out the big scissors twice, decisively, and cut the ties. Practically in the WTF moment, both times. The first time to save myself from life-threatening sadness, the second time to get away from unbearable pain.
Now, the third time, I find I live with a bird with clipped wings. There's one thing she cannot give, because she does not know it, does not know how, and doesn't miss it because she doesn't know it. Just like I never miss won ton soup because I never ate it in my life ... it is a regret, it is not abuse.

Circumstances vary, and each relationship is different, just like each and every one of us is unique. Even somebody who is bogged down in a dysfunctional relationship that they feel they cannot free themselves from may yet clearly see the abuse in the relationship of someone else, they may even be more qualified, because they know what's going on, they can empathize, and they can give advice with clarity.

peace, -P.

I do believe that is, more or less, what I was saying...

I remember your saying how, every time you moved to Cincinnati, you felt this urge to go back -- for more abuse.

Please don't. That is a curiosity that can remain unsatisfied. You really do not sound like you crave abuse, so just brace yourself when you feel that urge, and stay away.
It will go away with time.

hugs, -P.

I cannot like this enough!!

For you to make such a drastic move, I assume this is not an isolated incident. What led up to it, if I may ask?

Why don't you do your homework and read her stories and comments? It is all out there if you truly want to know.

enna, thank you for saying what I wanted to but didn't...

I'm so sorry he resorted to name-calling. At this point, I'm hoping his words bounce right off of you :)

Happy moving! Wish we could all be there to help ya!

Good for you! I don't even know you and I am proud of you!!! Best wishes for your new life...

Don't forget to try the chili.................it's amazing. Enjoy your new life and you will find a man that appreciates what you have to offer................and C is a huge place. Lots of men and good eating as well.

What a douche nozzle! Good for you for getting the hell out.

Douche nozzle! Love it! Though he probably would never get that close to her LOL.

Change the locks on the doors to that Cincinnati home and file the papers ASAP. Emptying the bank accounts should also be seriously considered. Why not sell his house while you are at it? And if you think there is any possibility that he may have filed fraudulent business tax returns or bank reports on a business loan, I think it is your moral obligation to report these things, with plenty of supporting documentation!

I mean, if he thinks you are a ******* ****, you shouldn't disappoint him!

OK, maybe some of that would be shooting yourself in the foot. But it sure must be fun to think about!

Yay! Enjoy your new arrogant-turd-less life!

He has been showing his true colors for the life of the marriage.

He hit your "third rail" with this one. Took a while, lots of drama over the years - but he finally found that "third rail" and you acknowledged it with this particular event.

And you took action to remove yourself. Best of luck in your new life!

Sounds like a great start and first step.