Why Are We Frozen In Our Misery?

After years of my SM...I am numb. I feel little if anything emotionally. I feel dead to this marriage. After years of trying, I have lost the desire to try anymore. I find it odd how unemotional I am. But with all that being said...why can't I do anything? We don't talk about it...do anything...we just exist. I know I want to separate...but can't bring myself to do anything?! Why?? Even if I knew I had the most perfect life waiting for me I don't think I could move...WHY? What is it that keeps us stuck in our misery??

I do have children...I tell myself it's probably for them...but I know they can see and sense the heaviness of this unhappy marriage. Why am I so afraid?

What was it that finally pushed you all to action? I feel like a caged animal...but unable to fight. :-(
LonelyST LonelyST
36-40, F
5 Responses Nov 24, 2012

Thank you all for your support and comments. The co-dependency comment was interesting and considering I grew up with an alcoholic father, probably fitting....although I wouldn't say I'm a 100% people pleaser. There is more reading to be done on the subject though. (but then what?)

Angel, you are right about the need for lts of self-esteem and this SM completely draining that from us. I worry about what this marriage is teaching my children.

Enna, I have read many of your words of wisdom on here & will continue to....(if I can just figure out how to reply under each comment from my iPad?)

Lady...and others...I'm sorry we're all struggling with this.

i think its a fear of getting our selves in to even worst situation... self defence mixed with some kind of strange version of wisdom ... as grass is not always greener on the other side and from knowing hard it is to be on this side andthing less good then this is more then we can take after years of sexless marrage .... one needs to have lots of self esteem to figth for theit hapiness - and face it - if sexless marrage take anything out of you - its your confidence...

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I feel I'm moving into this stage- was indenial, them blamed myself, then angry and now just unsure what next. And all the time, dude has shrugged me off with no apprant flicker of emotion!

Well in my case I am co dependent and this is a huge road block in my problems.

We are here because either we or our spouse has learned something wrong in life from childhood.

If not these it has to be a personal chemistry problem?

Well when it's not being talked about is that a chemistry issue? I think not it is a personality issue.

As for me I have been able to say I need some loving baby or can do all the romantic things that Would normally light her up and then to only get denied and so I just accept that and turn that anger inward and live with it.

I have not ever said you either get in the game and show your affection to me as you did for years or I am out if here!

Why? Read up on co dependency. I hope your not struggling with this issue.

I am sure that there are some other examples to answer you question that will follow.

They are on the way!