Partnership.. Not MarriageHi. I think I'm coming to the conclusion some people are wired for the kind of intimacy I need and some people simply aren't. They love, they marry, they have kids...laugh, etc.. but not the kind of Love I need in my life.
We'd talked about it before and she'd always throw it back on me to define, as in, "So what do you want me to do?" I knew she loved me, with what she knows is love, but its not something you can explain well, and certainly nothing you can 'direct' like some Director to an actor.
I've read all the Spark this, re-ignite that, even a book called the Sex-Less Marriage. I've tried all kinds of things but none really got through - so like I said in my first part...kind of thinking its possible for some, but maybe some just aren't wired for it.
Its the million little small things that let you know, and its the million little things you do to and for a person when you feel they are the 'one'. Its a touch here, a look there, simply walking up behind someone in the kitchen and putting your arms around them; its the quiet time at night in each other's arms, not having to say anything at all, and just simply feeling complete, feeling happy, putting your cheek to theirs and closing your eyes knowing they feel the same, etc.... You can't simply put all those things on one big To Do list and its not something you can fake. I could no more sit there and outline the specific things she 'needed' to do, because then they'd be directed....fake. She simply couldn't understand - either you felt it or you didn't, and I'd become convinced she just simply didn't.
For a little bit it got better, but then it all started feeling like block-checks from her; again, you can't fake it.
So I'm stuck - either I accept this 'cold' version of love, or face the prospect of leaving, or cheating...or I don't know - all I know is I'm misserable most of the time.
Having a relationship, my kind of relationship, is so important to me its like oxygen... I need it to breathe.
Not sure what to do...