I Finally Shared My Marriage Troubles With Mom.....I finally sat down yesterday and spoke with my mother about my marital situation. I confessed to her that there are issues within my marriage that we may not get past. I had been putting this off for some time, and I felt like it finally needed to come out. And, because of our relationship, I knew that whether I liked it or not I would give her the whole story. I wasn't prepared to find her so supportive because sometimes I feel she adores my husband far more than me.
Her response was, “Wow, you two are really good at faking it.” I chuckled because I knew that was the case. Then I began telling her about some of the things that we are having difficulty with. (Yes, I even shared my own ugly side.) She just kept saying, “Wow.” She was surprised to learn that much was hidden behind our vail of happiness. She also said she couldn't believe how together I was and that she'd be terribly upset. I told her that I have had 6 years of this and a year of counseling. I told her that I was done crying. Then I told her we are giving it a one last-ditch effort to make it work by going back to counseling in January.
Things went well until I got to the part about sex. I told her how I am blamed for being too demanding and too kinky, and how I am never satisfied in his eyes, etc. (Yes, I shared my ugly here, too.) She said, “Well, sex doesn't make the marriage.” I told her, “It is an important part.” Her response, “Yes, but not THAT important. Your father and I do fine.” I was thinking to myself, “Let's just ask Dad.”
I knew that she was not going to take the unhappiness of my sex life with much merit because of how she spoke to me on my wedding day. “ A..L..., women don't need to like sex. They have sex because their husband demands it.”
This conversation with Mom was a classic example of how many people miss the point when it comes to sex. No matter how much I told her that sex enables people to trust completely, she wasn't having it. She understood many of the other factors, but the sex part, well, let's just say, I feel sorry for Dad...and Mom, too.