Looking For Something I Cannot Find.I have been in a sexless marriage for maybe 15 years. My husband is unable or simply doesn't want to make love to me. He has given me many reasons over the years we have been married. I believed him for many, then I stopped believing.
I had a life changing event. Major surgery, or maybe just a mid life crisis. I had lived without affection for years. We have had separate rooms for years.
Something happened, I lost weight, started looking after myself, started to feel intense anger and realised I had been depressed for years.
I answered an ad, I met an incredible man. I knew it was a short term affair, he left and to get over the pain, I found a new lover. Then once again, this ended.
I think my husband knows. I no longer ask him for affection. I am distant, as distant as he has been. I have become detached.
However, I have fallen in love and after each affair ended, have sought another.
I eventually told my Husband I was looking for affection and he agreed to open our marriage, He says he has no desire to make love and is happy for me to find what I need outside our marriage.
But I think I have destroyed something inside me. Each time I acted in good faith, I was looking for affection, only finding myself making love to yet another pla
I am not asking for approval. I am not asking for forgiveness. My sexless marriage destroyed my self esteem to the point where I have arrived. I am wondering if I am the only one in this forum who hit the self destruct button to my extent before they found the courage to leave?
I want to hold my head up high. My days of affairs are now over. I miss the excitement, but not the deep sadness knowing the affair was never going to give me what I was looking for.
I am in therapy. I am untangling. I am in pain. I am leaving my husband.