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Confused

I am writing this story because I need to say something or I will explode. Married 7 years and sex is not happening. She can function without it and does not initiate. I have given up due to no interest. I on the other hand need it to function in a relationship. Please help!
Givingup766 Givingup766 36-40, M 8 Responses Nov 25, 2012

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get a divorce. grieve a little. fall in love with a woman who wants to have lots of sex with you.

I'm not familiar with the mechanics of marriage, but I AM familiar with the mechanics of self fulfillment. I'm polyamorous and have two boyfriends. I love them very much, but if either one stopped having sex with me for a very extended period of time, they would cease to be my boyfriend and become just a friend. sex is very important to me, and I'm not interested in a so-called "romantic relationship" or partnership without sex. I'd say split and make yourself happy

i have no words of wisdom that others havent already said, but you have my support. It is awful to live in this situation. I thought things were improving after "the talk" with other half but seems after twice back to how it was. My heart truly goes out to you xx

There is no fix; there is a choice between a few options:

1) Remain married and do nothing
2) Remain married and try counseling
3) Find a lover (I'm assuming you want intimacy as well as sex)
4) Find a NSA girlfriend (or series of..)
5) Leave

You may find yourself doing all of them.

Sorry to hear you're going through this. Hope you can find encouragement and support reading the posts. We're here for you.

Welcome to the group. Now read up here and learn. You will be surprised to find that your refuser cannot live without sex. She just chooses to live without with you.

Do some digging discreetly get some legal advice than hold her accountable for her actions.

Keep reading here. Its the only way to learn.

Stay Strong & Good Luck

My husband does not want to have sex and I am trying to deal with the same situation. I know that I love him and want to stay married to him. We have been married 10 years and it all started going down about a year or so ago. I believe that I have to deside if I want to make this marriage work or if I would rather have meaningless sex with strangers in way of an affair. Have you talked to your wife? Does she just not want sex or sex with you? There is a big difference. In my case he dosnt want sex at all. From anyone. I hope you have all of your questions answered before you make up your mind on what your going to do. I know I am still struggling and I read as much as possiable on this subject. There is help out there. They just have to want it. Good Luck to you.

I am betting that you did not read very much in here before posting your short story'

I would figure that you are looking for the "magic bullet" solution which you figure MUST exist, but which you so far have not managed to find elsewhere.

Sorry to say, but you are in another dead end here as regards the "magic bullet" solution. The overwhelming evidence from 32,000+ members here is that no such solution exists.

What does exist is your obligation of choice. That is what will resolve your situation (note - I did NOT say "fix").

Read on. Get a handle on what you are dealing with here.

Tread your own path.

Well, it's good to get it off your chest. It's truly a painful, soul draining, empty experience to be in a sexless marriage. You're on the first step, mate. Once you finally recognize what's going on, things are really going to change, in your mind, if not your entire life. There are four options:

1. Stay in your marriage and maintain the status quo.
2. Stay in your marriage and try to fix it.
3. Stay in your marriage and outsource your needs. (read enna30's "Outsourcing Your Needs", it's valuable)
4. Leave her.

I think a lot of people, including myself, have tried #2. The truth is that for the overwhelming majority of sexless marriages, #2 is a pipe dream. I'm learning that the hard way a year and change after having my epiphany. Option 1 is the easiest but I personally can't imagine going through this one life like that. I'm currently working on Option 3, but I'm thinking, in reality, it's a gateway to Option 4.

It's a journey. For some, it takes years, for others much less time. I wish you the best of luck.