Omg Crushing Comment From My Daughter

I have bestowed upon your story and have tenderly caught myself wrapped up inside..
Passing these gentle barriers.. so true to the crossing..have decided just hearing the most unheard of comment come from my daughter never ever thinking to come to my ears
QUOTE

"mommy you are not happy anymore we can all see that especially in your eyes...you are so sad all the time.. we are all grown up you do not have to stay because of us anymore..you can leave now"

UNQUOTE

  WOW how crushingly easy is this for a decision to be..but how can you just walk away even though you have invested 28 yrs taken the last 4/5 yrs of your love and turned it to hate and just walk...i guess this should not be a problem for me but what is stopping me..OH HELL I should be FRIGGIN RUNNING if you can figure out why  I AM NOT would you tell me....lol 
dreamcatcher60foru dreamcatcher60foru
56-60, F
12 Responses Nov 26, 2012

Fear of change. Fear of losing circles of friends. Fear of the unknown. Many good reasons too long to list that are completely human.When I was 30 and my father left my mother, everyone was like, "OMG!". I was not surprised at all. My mother lamented and I have tried to console her with letting her know that it was obvious to me they did not get along. I can only hope that if/when that time comes for me, my children understand in the same way. They do not see what is missing behind closed doors yet.

Being in a sexless marriage is a nightmare. I was in one too, for many years, even slept in a separate room for the last 4. I was a 1 woman....Man. Understand? Never *cheated on her either* but was tempted...many times.
I wanted to make the marriage work.
Sure, marriage is a Bumpy, Rocky ride! Life is too.
Whatever you do, make sure it comes from your *Belly and your Heart*

Good luck, Woman!!

You know the grandkids will becoming in a year or so, it more fun with both of you together, I know how you feel, I am in sexless married too.

We all want things to work out.
I stayed in a loveless relationship for 14 yrs. It was never an honest relationship. She was never honest. It almost killed me.
Hurt like hell to get out. I really did try to stay in it. But am happy now and single.
Every one is different. Even if you love someone you don't always like them all the time. You need to make a decision. Hope i have helped.

i am very happy to say..we are going to see how things go.. i am going on vacation after my daughter gets married in July of this year..We at that time will make a decision..one of us will walk away.. I told him it will be me..he has to much..going on where i do not...so we agree on terms and go from there but it will be mutual ....xxxxthank you all so much for your imput..

Perhaps you do want to stay and for things to work out?

i thought i did...but somehow deep inside i am still so very sad...the harder i try the more sad i get..i think we are going to give it one more try..xx thank you

Good Luck XX

At 28 she's likely had enough time to find and observe healthy marriages, or what would her reference point be? And a son would probably take another couple decades to feel that kind of empathy (cf. empathy gun in HHGTTG).

She is a very smart young woman and i brought her up oh too well...and yes she has been with the same person she is to Marry next year for 9 long invested years..they will marry on their 10th aniiversay..i am very proud..so yes she has been around and has had rough and healthy relationship.. but knows unhealthy also.. ty for your input.. much needed and very welcomed...

damn sweetie . . . I am sooo sorry . . . what's that saying . . . kids say the damnest things . . . how old is she anyway ? . . . I know shes no kid . . . I would talk to her about it . . . unless you think she was just being cruel . . . in that case . . . just go about your business and do your best while you are there . . . maybe a getaway is a good idea . . . at a friends or something if possible . . . wish I had more to offer you . . . feel helpless for you . . . I am here for you if you wanna vent or talk about it . . . . love you my most sweetest friend . . . you know you are a beautiful person . . . don't let them get ya down . . . stay positive in the person you are . . . you are loved . . . ((hugs))

my dear friend she is NO CHILD she is 28 and getting married next July...she is just like me and has known i believe for a very long time that her momma has not been happy but as her heart is as big as gold never said anything until now.. Not in a bad way.. but she is not dummy and she sees her father and i are struggling hard...we have our differences..but we have been to hell and back and have survived so much with not only her but all of our children.... they are now all grown up.. i am trying to stay positive but was not expecting to hear her tell me that i could leave like it was ok .....just shocked me.. much love to you my friend.. love and ((big hugs)) thank you for your time and advice and imput.. always welcome...

Inertia.

well ty but i feel i am in the prcoess of a change of the better only positiveness but i appreciate your imput and ty for your time....

It's easier to be angry all the time than to make a positive change in your life.

no not angry making slow changes.. very slow changes..positive is good....ty very much for you time and imput ...x

I suggest you stay because - at this point - you don't have an alternative.

That alternative needs to be constructed, it will NOT fall out of the sky. And YOU need to do the constructing, no-one else can do that (though expert advice can certainly help).

You might care to start your construction of an alternative by seeing a lawyer in your jurisdiction to establish how a divorce would shake out for you. This will give you a context of what is possible, and from that you can knock an exit strategy into shape, then refine it and tweak it into do-able status.

Tread your own path.

Although your suggestions are dulely noted.. unless you have treaded in my shoes the last 4 years and dealt my illness and his absentmindeness you have no idea what i want from that big blue sky..I have invested the most time for him to CONSTRUCT hahaha i am not looking for a miracle or a lawyer..if we wanted a divorce we would have gotten one.. we have not got that far.. i am merely suggested that he is an *******..who jumped the boat when i became ill. but again thank you for your imput and i appreciate your suggestion.. the lawyer will come at a later time..x

The poignancy of our children. I'm so sorry. I think, from my experience in my last relationship, that it takes a HUGE step of courage to forsake security and commitment to go and find happiness.

Yes you are so right and my Daughter has seemed to make this statement very clear to me.. have they known all this time and never said anything. This is all too uncanny..knowing our children can see right through us. How well have we taught them. We should be very proud...again Thank you ...x

yvw and ty for your input..your words are welcomed and appreciated..

i know the answer....it is because your scared...as bad as it may be...it is certain...and the uncertainty of it is terrifying...i have spent the last few years living like this...i can take matters into my own hands and feel no guilt...but the saddness of it all is overwhelming...i was wathcing a movie the other night and there was a quote in it...."true love cannot appear where it isnt and cannot hide where it is"... i am really not sure why i feel solice int this ...but ido...i really think that life is unfair becasue you can never be sure if the person you love really loves you....or is settling b/c they couldnt have there 1st choice...

ty so much for your imput.. i know when it comes to the heart it is a tough decision.. i have never strayed although i know in my heart he has and has lied about it. but i never said anything and aleays stood ny his side.. but i am hindering on this very sadly...ty very deeply for you imput...x

wouldnt it be nice to " just have the right answer"

Yes the right answer is not only nice it is the easiest but nothing is easy and nothing is given..you MUST work for what ever you want and think is right !!!!