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A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago.

Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for four nights. Over the four months before she came, we got to know one another through chatting online and by phone. We did send each other our photos and as beautiful as she is I was afraid this was going to turn out to be fake. We did a live video chat online shortly after and it was her.

When she flew over to my country I made up a business trip to get out of town to meet with her. The day before my wife told me maybe we can have sex that night, to which she developed a headache and just couldn't. As the dutiful husband I got her some Panadol and tried to massage her head but she suspected I was doing it so it could lead to sex. She got annoyed and told me to stop because nothing more was happening, and she turned over to go to sleep. Nothing new there!

Meeting her in the hotel lobby I felt like I was in a dream. It was awkward for the two of us at first even though we had talked over the phone and even on video. I think it was just the reality of what we were here for. To cheat on our spouses. She is beautiful and I am shocked that her husband does not want to be intimate with her. Over lunch we talked about our spouses, children, careers etc...

It was a strange feeling, to be enamored by this woman, to know that I was going to be touching her, to know that I would try to kiss her tonight. I have had feelings of wanting to cheat before but for it to become reality, I just felt like I was still in a dream.

I proposed to her that I would be happy just for conversation and some making out, just touching. She said she was happy with just that but then said she was so nervous and felt like her heart was going to jump out of her chest. I know exactly what she felt. While walking in the gardens of the hotel she suddenly said, "This is so nerve-wrecking and I think we should just get this over with." She then grabbed my shirt and pulled me in for a kiss. It was an incredible feeling. I didn't want to do anything more in public so we went up to my room.

We sat on the couch and started to kiss again. It was deep and slow and sent shivers through my body. I felt her lips quiver a bit and then felt wetness and opened my eyes to see her tears. She started sobbing uncontrollably. In normal circumstances anyone would freak out if a person you are kissing (especially the first time) was crying like this. But for me, it was just something I completely understood. I just held her in my arms as she kept trying to apologize. I told her to just let go and felt tears welling up in my eyes as well. It was a while that she cried and then we had a bit of a laugh at her looking like a panda from all of her makeup running down her eyes.

She went to wash her face and she is still a beautiful woman without makeup. Not to say anything about her aging, but I can only imagine how much more youthful she was when she married at 24 and shortly after the honeymoon he stopped touching her. She has been in a sexless marriage now for 16 years. I wouldn't have been able to keep my hands off of her. I can only imagine all of the envy her husband's friends were feeling about him having a wife as beautiful as her.

Our affair went all the way for 3 days. Since it had been 3 years since I last had intercourse (but 25 years total in this sexless marriage) I was not able to get it up at first. It could be nerves, guilt, age, whatever. But I was embarrassed that here I have this beautiful woman who wants me and I couldn't get it up. She never made me feel bad and said we will just take it slow and in the end she was able to get my equipment to come to life.

I think about her often and hope that she is able to eventually leave her husband and find happiness with someone else. And if this is you reading this--do not waste any more youth on this man. Get out and find someone who will cherish you. But in the end, I completely know why you stay. Because I am living the same nightmare as you.

Through this short affair, I have felt things I haven't felt in a long time. I feel alive. I feel like I now know I can find happiness after all of our children are 18.

For those who will criticize she and I for cheating, I completely understand how you feel. But just know we are not the monsters you think we are. We are just two very lonely souls who found each other but for a brief time. And if I went back in time I would do it all over again.
waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 187 Responses Nov 28, 2012

Your Response


I know this is an old post but I'm in the same shoes and im the wife. I am so happy for you and her. You made her feel like a princess and loved. How is your relationship with your wife now?

She must have been the dream you waited to meet....

Very touching story and close to my heart as I have gone through the exact scenario in the last year

So beautiful. What you describe is what I wish for my Husband & me. It would be beautiful to finally reconnect in this way again. Perhaps, as we are both going on vacation to Fl next weekend, I'll pack some pretty little things to take along, & we'll just see what happens. (We're the love of each others life, but I was very sick for 5 years, bedridden for over 2, went from 125 pounds to 265 b/c of meds, being bedridden, etc. I began improving over a year ago & am down to 180. Now the 125 cutie I was, but it's a start. I just need him to desire me, to comfort me.)

This post is so old now, I wonder what direction your lives have gone in now. I hope you have found a little more happiness.

It would be wonderful for him to write update to story...

I find the use of the term "dutiful husband" a little done with considering you had already made plans to meet with another woman at the time....
A dutiful father, since you have stayed until their majority.
It's sad to see two people who once were in love loose that special bond that's so intimate and sensual.
It's beautiful to see two new connections form and new livelihood being blown under your skin.
I am genuinely curious on the reasons that would make one stay in such a lonely relationship and would be grateful of any answers. I've left. Several times, and was called a coward. To me, my happiness and sanity mattered so much that I've fled many a time - and am happy I did so every single time.

Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful story. Good luck to both of you.

I completely understand.... It was a wonderful read and hits very close to home for me.... While not quite a sexless marriage ( I feel it's obligatory, which is basically the same thing). I too believe I've found that special person. Our relationship is in it's infancy, but I truly believe it might end up in the same place as yours. Thank you for sharing.

No criticism from me. I can completely understand. Reading your story only makes me wish I could find myself in such a position. Just to be touched would surely make me feel a bit more alive.

wow. thats beautiful!

Yah whatever.

Understanding for the both of you. Glad you were able to share that connection that your wife is withholding from you.

No criticism here. I completely understand your situation and appreciate your openness and your willing to take care of your needs. I wish that I was only so brave.

Really good post. Thank you. ;-)

I hope she travels to you again, and you can feel that joining of souls once more. A joy indeed

"Researchers from the University of Munster in Germany have found that sexual activity was successful in treating migraines in 60 percent sufferers and in one-third of patients with cluster headaches.

"Our data suggest...that sexual activity can lead to partial or complete relief of headache in some migraine and a few cluster headache patients," wrote the authors of the study, published Feb. 19 in Cephalagia.

"Our results show that sexual activity during a migraine attack might relieve or even stop an attack in some cases, and that sexual activity in the presence of headache is not an unusual behavior," they added. "

Ha. For me it totally depends on what point my migraine gets to. I had a pre-migraine (low-grade headache) and still had sex with my lover (though I did ask him to pick me up some pills) and no problem. When I have a full blown migraine, it's so bad no one's ever asked me to have sex because I imagine I'm not very sexy and I wouldn't want anyone to touch me anyway. With a hangover headache, sex is great for it.

I am not going to criticize you, or her. I don't feel that does any good here, I just wanted to point something out..
I have suffered from severe migraine headaches since I was in elementary school..I honestly couldn't remember a day that I didn't have a headache, of some sort, from age 8 until shortly after I had my son, who's 6.(since having him, they've calmed down, although I get them very frequently, it's not as bad, and some days I don't have any)
I laugh whenever I hear that tired cliche, "not tonight dear, I've got a headache, " --headaches..of any sort, are HELPED/CURED by having an ******..seriously. The endorphins released, taking your mind off of it, I don't know for sure, but, it's a proven scientific, in my experience, whenever I do have one-I discovered that this helped by accident, years ago.) I would want very much to have sex, and your wife should too, although, I have doubts about the headache being the Only thing going on..
I really feel for both of you, I cannot understand this sexless marriage thing..Sex is very important in a relationship..albeit, if something happened, where one person physically COULDNT have sex, intimacy, and other ways of being in that space..that one on one energy..THAT is crucial, in my opinion, to a relationship.
I was told by one of my friends that he was going to marry this woman he's been seeing--he since has married her--and I asked him why? what was it about her..out of curiousity..and he told me, "because she never refuses me."
I was shocked, because I personally, have never refused that, and I guess it's my idea of being a "decent woman", in a relationship, a committed, monogymous(pardon my spelling, I am over tired) relationship, I feel that refusing to have sex with your man, is just wrong. granted, there have been times where I was physically not in any condition to have sex, like, after I had surgery, etc, but, I still helped him out, and there's a lot of things two people can do together, to get some release, etc, ..I just really don't get it. Do women that refuse their husbands sex WANT them to go and cheat? Because, that's honestly another reason I don't refuse my man..because, I realize, do that enough, and regardless of how much he loves me, etc, there's only so much a man can take, they are different than women that way, (well, I should say, some women,) and, if they aren't getting any at home-again, pardon me-they're going to go get it somewhere, and I am not in any way trying to say anything judgemental to you...its just pretty obvious.
ok, i made my point, headaches are Helped by sex, if not cured outright..look into it, do some research. It's proven. good luck to you, i hope you find some happiness, i'm very sorry to hear that you are in the situation you are.


Great post. Good info to know re: headaches, and it's great to hear your perspective re: sex... a very healthy one to the relationship IMHO. Don't know how I lasted as long as I did. I need to update my stories because 2014 unbelievably has been a turning point for me. More later.


" I realize, do that enough, and regardless of how much he loves me, etc, there's only so much a man can take, they are different than women that way, (well, I should say, some women,"
Remove the human, who loves intimacy and touch can take much starvation, regardless of whether they wear underpants or knickers. Many, many women embrace their sexuality and they are NOT different to men in that way.
It's gets hard hearing again and again the same old preconceptions, that a man is wired for sex, a woman isn't, but puts up with sex so that her man doesn't stray. News: Women also love, need, want, enjoy, initiate, demand, sex. Not because they are dirty little things, but because it is totally normal basic human need, as much as it is for men.


Great story. This brings up one "a-ha" moment / realization I had 6-12 months ago: If your spouse is refusing you, it is the refuser spouse who is being "unfaithful to the marriage" first. He/she is cheating the opportunity for intimacy and love out of the marriage relationship... So what you choose to do in response to your refuser's first initial cheating... is up to you. After reading stories here for 3 years, I judge *no one* .... I have not walked a mile in their shoes so any judgment is inappropriate.

You did what many normal souls have done for centuries... share incredible sexual intimacy. For almost all of us, it is not a want, it is a *need*.

Hope you find true long term happiness soon... whether that is in a rekindled marriage or whether it's in a new relationship. Life is too short not to be happy. It's Time For Living.


"it is the refuser spouse who is being "unfaithful to the marriage" first. He/she is cheating the opportunity for intimacy and love out of the marriage relationship."

It makes me feel good to see another human being say this. I hate my circumstances, but this makes me hate myself a little bit less.

I totally need intimacy (having sex and exploring/enjoying each other) and love for a marriage to work!

Those feeling you decribed so perfectly is the same I felt the first time, or in my case every time. The joy, excitement and the emotions you expressed here I have felt often and cannot today even still understand how some husbands with the beauty of heaven in their hands spurn them.
Anyone who judges two people in dire need of the solace a brief moment of sexual intimacy long denied are idiots.

Reading your story, I know that happiness even fleeting is possible.

This is such a nice story! I'm really happy that the two of you had this wonderful encounter. You are so honest and sincere. Once those kids are 18, you are going to have wonderful, fulfilling experiences. Of that I'm sure.

Thank you for sharing that with us. I know what it's like to be ignored, and it does cause pain and frustration. Sometimes we get a chance to release that, but oftentimes not. This woman brought a spark back to your life. Outstanding!

Read it for the 3ed times and cried again ....looooove it :)

This is beautiful. You both deserved to feel alive and worthy of the attention and touch of another human being. Thank you for sharing.

I have been without for 6 years and I envy you, you did no wrong. I would love to find a woman that was looking for the same as me and maybe meet once or twice a year. To just hold a woman in my arms would be wonderful.

I have felt that same urge. I am also in a sexless marriage. Before my wife and I had my firstborn, we were like rabbits, could never have enough. But ever since, she always makes an excuse on why she doesn't want to. Either it is she has a headache, is tired, or that she isn't in the mood. My question is, what happened?

I have been in the same boat as you but never got up to the point of meeting a person. I have looked around online at single woman wanting to hook up, but never contact them or anything. I feel like it is driving me out of my mind. Has anyone ever really figured out how to really spice their love life back up? Is there something that she can take to stimulate hormones or something to help bring her drive back?

I really don't want to buy a book, I think they are a waste of money. I just think that the transition was crazy to really wanting it to never.

I totally understand. I love my wife and want her, but she don't want me. She loves me, but no longer has the desire so what can I do! I'm going mad here!

I feel the same way. Even when my wife was not pregnant, she would always be too tired or have a headache, or even just say that she is not in the mood. I can't stand it. I love her so much, but this is killing me. I'm the kind of guy that needs it constantly. She used to be like that just after we first got married, but after the first pregnancy, she has virtually no sex drive at all.

I don't fault you at all so I presume I'm also shallow :) Life is too short to be miserable, although that isn't to be taken as an excuse to cheat. Cheating only allows someone to live in a fantasy world for so long before it gets stopped short for whatever reason (ie. loss of interest in continuing the charade, distance, etc.). So the two of you never made any further plans?

Oddly- I understand this story. I feel emotionally deprived in my marriage and an affair is such an exciting idea----of all the things that hold me back, morality, 'doing the right thing', the face that I have a son, if my family knew how hurt they would be etc etc....the one thing that prevents me and always that I would not like it if he did the same thing. It's that thought that stops me from contemplating it everytime. I'm not judging but what if you found out the other has would be a dagger in your back and unlimited pain. Cliche---two wrongs dont make a right. I wish my husband would try to figure out what I need--after 8 years he's clueless. He thinks it's money and actions....I just want to be told I'm wonderful the way I am---all the men I know aside from my husband tell me this...the temptation is heavy. I think this is the story of millions of women.

people should not judge unless they are in the situation... :)