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A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago.

Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for four nights. Over the four months before she came, we got to know one another through chatting online and by phone. We did send each other our photos and as beautiful as she is I was afraid this was going to turn out to be fake. We did a live video chat online shortly after and it was her.

When she flew over to my country I made up a business trip to get out of town to meet with her. The day before my wife told me maybe we can have sex that night, to which she developed a headache and just couldn't. As the dutiful husband I got her some Panadol and tried to massage her head but she suspected I was doing it so it could lead to sex. She got annoyed and told me to stop because nothing more was happening, and she turned over to go to sleep. Nothing new there!


Meeting her in the hotel lobby I felt like I was in a dream. It was awkward for the two of us at first even though we had talked over the phone and even on video. I think it was just the reality of what we were here for. To cheat on our spouses. She is beautiful and I am shocked that her husband does not want to be intimate with her. Over lunch we talked about our spouses, children, careers etc...

It was a strange feeling, to be enamored by this woman, to know that I was going to be touching her, to know that I would try to kiss her tonight. I have had feelings of wanting to cheat before but for it to become reality, I just felt like I was still in a dream.

I proposed to her that I would be happy just for conversation and some making out, just touching. She said she was happy with just that but then said she was so nervous and felt like her heart was going to jump out of her chest. I know exactly what she felt. While walking in the gardens of the hotel she suddenly said, "This is so nerve-wrecking and I think we should just get this over with." She then grabbed my shirt and pulled me in for a kiss. It was an incredible feeling. I didn't want to do anything more in public so we went up to my room.

We sat on the couch and started to kiss again. It was deep and slow and sent shivers through my body. I felt her lips quiver a bit and then felt wetness and opened my eyes to see her tears. She started sobbing uncontrollably. In normal circumstances anyone would freak out if a person you are kissing (especially the first time) was crying like this. But for me, it was just something I completely understood. I just held her in my arms as she kept trying to apologize. I told her to just let go and felt tears welling up in my eyes as well. It was a while that she cried and then we had a bit of a laugh at her looking like a panda from all of her makeup running down her eyes.

She went to wash her face and she is still a beautiful woman without makeup. Not to say anything about her aging, but I can only imagine how much more youthful she was when she married at 24 and shortly after the honeymoon he stopped touching her. She has been in a sexless marriage now for 16 years. I wouldn't have been able to keep my hands off of her. I can only imagine all of the envy her husband's friends were feeling about him having a wife as beautiful as her.

Our affair went all the way for 3 days. Since it had been 3 years since I last had intercourse (but 25 years total in this sexless marriage) I was not able to get it up at first. It could be nerves, guilt, age, whatever. But I was embarrassed that here I have this beautiful woman who wants me and I couldn't get it up. She never made me feel bad and said we will just take it slow and in the end she was able to get my equipment to come to life.

I think about her often and hope that she is able to eventually leave her husband and find happiness with someone else. And if this is you reading this--do not waste any more youth on this man. Get out and find someone who will cherish you. But in the end, I completely know why you stay. Because I am living the same nightmare as you.

Through this short affair, I have felt things I haven't felt in a long time. I feel alive. I feel like I now know I can find happiness after all of our children are 18.

For those who will criticize she and I for cheating, I completely understand how you feel. But just know we are not the monsters you think we are. We are just two very lonely souls who found each other but for a brief time. And if I went back in time I would do it all over again.
waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 180 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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Why don't you just misspell it?

I hope she travels to you again, and you can feel that joining of souls once more. A joy indeed

FYI:
"Researchers from the University of Munster in Germany have found that sexual activity was successful in treating migraines in 60 percent sufferers and in one-third of patients with cluster headaches.

"Our data suggest...that sexual activity can lead to partial or complete relief of headache in some migraine and a few cluster headache patients," wrote the authors of the study, published Feb. 19 in Cephalagia.

"Our results show that sexual activity during a migraine attack might relieve or even stop an attack in some cases, and that sexual activity in the presence of headache is not an unusual behavior," they added. "http://www.cbsnews.com/news/sex-may-be-a-natural-way-to-treat-migraines-cluster-headaches/

I am not going to criticize you, or her. I don't feel that does any good here, I just wanted to point something out..
I have suffered from severe migraine headaches since I was in elementary school..I honestly couldn't remember a day that I didn't have a headache, of some sort, from age 8 until shortly after I had my son, who's 6.(since having him, they've calmed down, although I get them very frequently, it's not as bad, and some days I don't have any)
I laugh whenever I hear that tired cliche, "not tonight dear, I've got a headache, " --headaches..of any sort, are HELPED/CURED by having an ******..seriously. The endorphins released, taking your mind off of it, I don't know for sure, but, it's a proven scientific fact..so, in my experience, whenever I do have one-I discovered that this helped by accident, years ago.) I would want very much to have sex, and your wife should too, although, I have doubts about the headache being the Only thing going on..
I really feel for both of you, I cannot understand this sexless marriage thing..Sex is very important in a relationship..albeit, if something happened, where one person physically COULDNT have sex, intimacy, and other ways of being in that space..that one on one energy..THAT is crucial, in my opinion, to a relationship.
I was told by one of my friends that he was going to marry this woman he's been seeing--he since has married her--and I asked him why? what was it about her..out of curiousity..and he told me, "because she never refuses me."
I was shocked, because I personally, have never refused that, and I guess it's my idea of being a "decent woman", in a relationship, a committed, monogymous(pardon my spelling, I am over tired) relationship, I feel that refusing to have sex with your man, is just wrong. granted, there have been times where I was physically not in any condition to have sex, like, after I had surgery, etc, but, I still helped him out, and there's a lot of things two people can do together, to get some release, etc, ..I just really don't get it. Do women that refuse their husbands sex WANT them to go and cheat? Because, that's honestly another reason I don't refuse my man..because, I realize, do that enough, and regardless of how much he loves me, etc, there's only so much a man can take, they are different than women that way, (well, I should say, some women,) and, if they aren't getting any at home-again, pardon me-they're going to go get it somewhere, and I am not in any way trying to say anything judgemental to you...its just pretty obvious.
ok, i made my point, headaches are Helped by sex, if not cured outright..look into it, do some research. It's proven. good luck to you, i hope you find some happiness, i'm very sorry to hear that you are in the situation you are.

Choatica,

Great post. Good info to know re: headaches, and it's great to hear your perspective re: sex... a very healthy one to the relationship IMHO. Don't know how I lasted as long as I did. I need to update my stories because 2014 unbelievably has been a turning point for me. More later.

TL2

" I realize, do that enough, and regardless of how much he loves me, etc, there's only so much a man can take, they are different than women that way, (well, I should say, some women,"
Remove the gender...no human, who loves intimacy and touch can take much starvation, regardless of whether they wear underpants or knickers. Many, many women embrace their sexuality and they are NOT different to men in that way.
It's gets hard hearing again and again the same old preconceptions, that a man is wired for sex, a woman isn't, but puts up with sex so that her man doesn't stray. News: Women also love, need, want, enjoy, initiate, demand, sex. Not because they are dirty little things, but because it is totally normal basic human need, as much as it is for men.

Great story. This brings up one "a-ha" moment / realization I had 6-12 months ago: If your spouse is refusing you, it is the refuser spouse who is being "unfaithful to the marriage" first. He/she is cheating the opportunity for intimacy and love out of the marriage relationship... So what you choose to do in response to your refuser's first initial cheating... is up to you. After reading stories here for 3 years, I judge *no one* .... I have not walked a mile in their shoes so any judgment is inappropriate.

You did what many normal souls have done for centuries... share incredible sexual intimacy. For almost all of us, it is not a want, it is a *need*.

Hope you find true long term happiness soon... whether that is in a rekindled marriage or whether it's in a new relationship. Life is too short not to be happy. It's Time For Living.

TL2

Those feeling you decribed so perfectly is the same I felt the first time, or in my case every time. The joy, excitement and the emotions you expressed here I have felt often and cannot today even still understand how some husbands with the beauty of heaven in their hands spurn them.
Anyone who judges two people in dire need of the solace a brief moment of sexual intimacy long denied are idiots.

Reading your story, I know that happiness even fleeting is possible.

This is such a nice story! I'm really happy that the two of you had this wonderful encounter. You are so honest and sincere. Once those kids are 18, you are going to have wonderful, fulfilling experiences. Of that I'm sure.

Thank you for sharing that with us. I know what it's like to be ignored, and it does cause pain and frustration. Sometimes we get a chance to release that, but oftentimes not. This woman brought a spark back to your life. Outstanding!

Read it for the 3ed times and cried again ....looooove it :)

This is beautiful. You both deserved to feel alive and worthy of the attention and touch of another human being. Thank you for sharing.

I have been without for 6 years and I envy you, you did no wrong. I would love to find a woman that was looking for the same as me and maybe meet once or twice a year. To just hold a woman in my arms would be wonderful.

I have felt that same urge. I am also in a sexless marriage. Before my wife and I had my firstborn, we were like rabbits, could never have enough. But ever since, she always makes an excuse on why she doesn't want to. Either it is she has a headache, is tired, or that she isn't in the mood. My question is, what happened?

I have been in the same boat as you but never got up to the point of meeting a person. I have looked around online at single woman wanting to hook up, but never contact them or anything. I feel like it is driving me out of my mind. Has anyone ever really figured out how to really spice their love life back up? Is there something that she can take to stimulate hormones or something to help bring her drive back?

I really don't want to buy a book, I think they are a waste of money. I just think that the transition was crazy to really wanting it to never.

I totally understand. I love my wife and want her, but she don't want me. She loves me, but no longer has the desire so what can I do! I'm going mad here!

I feel the same way. Even when my wife was not pregnant, she would always be too tired or have a headache, or even just say that she is not in the mood. I can't stand it. I love her so much, but this is killing me. I'm the kind of guy that needs it constantly. She used to be like that just after we first got married, but after the first pregnancy, she has virtually no sex drive at all.

I don't fault you at all so I presume I'm also shallow :) Life is too short to be miserable, although that isn't to be taken as an excuse to cheat. Cheating only allows someone to live in a fantasy world for so long before it gets stopped short for whatever reason (ie. loss of interest in continuing the charade, distance, etc.). So the two of you never made any further plans?

Oddly- I understand this story. I feel emotionally deprived in my marriage and an affair is such an exciting idea----of all the things that hold me back, morality, 'doing the right thing', the face that I have a son, if my family knew how hurt they would be etc etc....the one thing that prevents me and always will...is that I would not like it if he did the same thing. It's that thought that stops me from contemplating it everytime. I'm not judging but what if you found out the other has cheated....it would be a dagger in your back and unlimited pain. Cliche---two wrongs dont make a right. I wish my husband would try to figure out what I need--after 8 years he's clueless. He thinks it's money and actions....I just want to be told I'm wonderful the way I am---all the men I know aside from my husband tell me this...the temptation is heavy. I think this is the story of millions of women.

people should not judge unless they are in the situation... :)

I understand. I'm 33 and am living in a sexless marriage. My husband withholds affection for stupid reasons like I don't clean the house to his liking. Its insane. One day he told me that when we have sex, he's in it for himself and I have a vibrator so I can take care of myself. Hes even gone so far as to say that i can have sex with another woman and he wouldnt mind.
Its just sad. I'm a redhead and look younger than what I am. I have been told by many men that I am beautiful. I want attention from my husband but ill never get it. I just miss human touch. I want to feel alive and sexy. I'm a very sexual person and I'm getting antsy because I need sex.

I find it interesting that he has said it is OK for you to be with another WOMAN. Perhaps he is trying to lead you in that direction and then have you bring the other woman home to him, too?

I could be completely off base here, but I could never understand why anyone would want a *********.

I certainly understand your need for intimacy and emotional closeness.

Zaaphod, *********'s can actually spice up the love life for some. Having that extra person might really actually bring both of them closer together. It's also nicer for the women who want more than one thing done to them at the same time or men who like having more than one woman. It's not for everyone and not everyone would feel comfortable with it, but some people do like it. Personally, if it were me I wouldn't mind, but I haven't really warmed up to the idea of it yet. If it were just something out of the blue, I would probably go with it, but something long term where my wife and I just have a single third partner on the side. It would take some getting used to.

omg!!! my ex husband used to do that to me.... refuse sex to me if i did not clean the house to a certain way or cook something properly. I felt like i was a five years old child!

That's ridiculous hearing of this. Those guys sound so unappreciative. I know I would never hold out on my wife. I do ask her to help me keep the house clean, but never hold that against her for something like that. I feel so bad for you and the author of the post. That is an absolute travesty. If I had a woman with a high sex drive, I would never let that go to waste. I'm just kind of wondering what happened with my wife because before we had kids, we were like rabbits, but after she never wants it anymore.

That's honestly sad. Yeah, I do ask my wife if she can help me keep the house clean since we both do it, but I would never hold out on sex with her for that reason. Sounds like he's got the old gender roles idea in mind or whatever that used to be where the woman's job was the house and kids and the husbands job was to provide to the family. I hate when people think that is the way things should be and that is exactly how your husband sounds to me.

I have to agree, he does sound like he is pushing towards having some kind of *********. I'm sorry to say, but he sounds really unappreciative. Then again, I am in a sexless relationship and it is something with my wife. Just never has a drive anymore - never wants it. Drives me insane.

Sounds an awful lot like my relationship... Sure we don't have the same guy?! Lol. He withholds for house not being clean to his satisfaction, etc. and I'm the type of woman, I'd be screwing every night and twice on Sundays if I could. It's sad, because I see so many men on here that would actually appreciate a woman with a high sex drive and I think, why couldn't I have gotten one of them???

lol! same guy! What a jerk he would be if he was! I'm like you.. i want to screw often!!!!

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I happy for you, mate.

Beautiful story and inasmuch as I have also been there many times before I relived those pleasant moments again in your narrative. These are the occasions that because of our marital circumstances we are forced to venture into. Sad that we cannot find this within the confines of our own homes but it is great that we can find the intimacy and affectation so long denied for even so brief a time with others suffering in similar situations.
Thank you again for sharing this with us.

No judgement here. I can see how it can happen, even in a marriage that does have sex, it can leave a person feeling empty and incomplete, as if why do we do that when there is no connection. I think connection more than anything is what so many of us are searching for.

No judgement. I understand this urge. I feel it often. I'm in a similar situation...only I am the problem. It was a relief to me to read your experience. I understand. Thank you for sharing.

Though I didn't go there in my sexless marriage, I can certainly understand. The only thing that held me back from cheating was that my ex-wife was extremely jealous and always seemed to think that I was cheating, anyway. I never gave her the satisfaction of actually doing the deed.

I don't really understand how someone could stay in such a situation for double digit years, not judging, just not understanding. I left after a year of being sexless and an additional 2 years of darn near sexlessness.

We married in 1992. The marriage started to crumble, sexually, in 2004; I left in 2010. Never looked back!

three weeks ago my wife left me the night before she told me she would call me she didnt three months ago she a[most died now two months ago we lost a little boy now this

Wonderful story and well written as already mentioned by others.

I often fantasize about what you two experienced because I am also in a sexless marriage. I just haven't ventured off that way yet. Maybe the right situation hasn't presented itself yet.

IT WAS cheating BUT..., YOU made her feel special and cared about and there is NOTHING wrong with that my friend, she deserves that and her **** of a husband deserves to lose her, simple.....

I do not criticize you at all. 've been married for 30 yrs in a sexless marriage. Why do I stay? Comfort I suppose, fear....too old now to do anything about it. So sad. I, we are watching our lives slip through our fingers. Isn't life meant to live? I, we, are just existing. So sad!!!

Awe, u wrote it so well!!! that's the only affair story I cried while I was reading it ... I bet any woman on SM site will read this story would feel like your female friend and any man in SM would feel what u felt... No judgment at all ... Best wishes

That was such a well written story and I thank you for posting it. I know the feeling exactly, and we are in the same age bracket! I feel for you but I am glad to know I am not alone in my feelings. It is better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all! You are lucky you were able to experience your wonderful woman! Best wishes!

I know what you are talking about, but I'm many years past where you are with meeting someone that I had met online. End result...I eventually left my marriage, not to be with this person and not willingly. Here I am 15 years on the other side and I wish I was still married. I wish I had not been so much of a victim and had been an active participant in my life. I wish I would have worked on my marriage or, better yet, on myself. After all of this time, I've finally accepted that I'm the author of my own happiness and I wasn't trying to write that story with the person I had made a family with. Instead I blamed my unhappiness on my mate. I know that my story is my own and every situation is different, but thought I would share.