Men-why Are You Not Having The Sex?

my exwife and i always had great sex. her, her lover, and me watching, cleaning up.

Koz they r gay yo.

My wife is an angry angry person who makes life very difficult for me. Constantly telling me how worthless I am, I don't make enough money, I'm ugly, I'm unlovable. Everyday. All the time. I cant do anything to make this woman happy. How can I be intimate with her?

hell i would have sex if she would offer.
i am male 53 married but wife dont care for sex much anymore i would love to be added

My wife stopped wanting sex for a host of reasons and well I have to respect her not wanting it any longer.

When you get told no so many times you have a tendency to not ask anymore.

It's my wife's fault

After 24 years together my wife stopped having sex because of body issues. She had a series of operations and ended up with a colostomy. Our sex life slowed down and eventually stopped. I hung in for another 16 years as I loved her and our marriage was comfortable, but in the end, due to other issues, we broke up. it's a sad end to 40 years together, but Life goes on...

There must be any number of reasons why guys stop having sex with their wives. It could be anything from health related reasons to "punishing" their wife for some insignificant slight from years before. Or, they could be gay, or having an affair. Or they could be bored shitless because wife just wants vanilla and they have been asking for tabasco for years. The last one is my reason. I still have sex. I just can't be bothered asking for it anymore. Whatever the reason, communication is the key to finding out what the deal is..... and THATS easier said than done!

My CEO (the wife) has done this. She has given no reason....just said that she is not interested in sex any more. She also has never kissed me, and just recently told me it is all about me....stating that she has never liked how I kiss....so no kissing for us.

I guess there are lots of reasons,,, but as for myself ,,from around the age of 50 it stopped getting hard without help from my partner,,, this wouldnt stop me from feeling horny,, just wouldnt get hard,, if she played / stroked it for a few seconds it became erect enough to enter then we made love like normal,,through this Ive sorta learned to make love differently but would rather not go there in this public forum,,, but could tell more in pvt it you are interested,,,

At the age some physical reasons may happen but I do not agree to it.Man should follow personal life with charm

I think that eventually it is a chemical thing and people just aren't attracted to each other anymore after many years. I was with my ex for 17 years and at the end, he repulsed me. His mouth reminded me of an alien's mouth and I was totally grossed out.

He may have ED and doesn't want to talk about it?? Can the two of you talk openly? (Or, worst case in my thinking, and don't let me create a paranoia for you since I have no idea, but I'd like to be helpful just the same, and I know this was the case for a female friend... he's cheating on you and this is his way of being "fair"/"loyal" to you... not forcing you into a shared-lover situation... sorry, and I hope that's not the case for you.)

Of the couple of blokes that i know they tell me they have gone of sex with the wife because of the wifes bad hygene b/o etc. I can understand this as it would turn my stomach also. Luckily i am not in a relationship though.

When you try for so long and constantley get rejected you eventually give up trying.

...it's not by choice I assure you!

Sorry I shouldn't highjack your question should I.

Sorry can't help you & can't understand how a bloke can feel like that, in my house its the other way. so if any ladies can explain.

good question... here on EP you only hear one side of the "sexless marriage" story... i don't know what happens to the women, but i know from experience what it is like for the man. I have been married for 25+ years now, and as I've aged, my sexual charge has decreased... yes i can still get it rock hard and good for a go, but i can't last hours like i used to, and if i get too close to coming, i can't stay totally hard anymore either, like i used to. While i have experience this slow decline which as of yet has not impacted our sex life (but I am aware of it) my wife's libido has increased. in her thirties she really started to come alive, and into her forties she is an animal! sometimes this has been a bit intimidating...

my guess is when some guys experience this, they turn to sex with someone new for at least several reasons:
1) easier to please someone new, where there is the endorphin rush to help
2) someone new comes and goes quickly - makes you feel good about yourself without the risk of seeing your diminished abilities - no commitment, just the boost to the man ego for being the stud
3) the lack of character that makes numbers 1 and 2 more important then putting in the work it takes to have a real relationship and please the woman who deserves to be pleased.
I think for many men it is really the ego boost they get from it, which assuages their concerns about aging.
maybe not the answer you were looking for, but just some of my thoughts on the male side of the coin.

I am a woman but I can give you the therapists version of why my husband won't have sex with me. Because his mother was an alcoholic he learned that it was dangerous to trust and love a woman. Therefore, he refuses sex as a way to prove that I need him more than he needs me, which makes him safe from being hurt by me.
Just so you know, my husband said the therapist was full of crap and that there is nothing wrong with him. He claims he would want sex if I were a better housekeeper. So take that for what it's worth. We haven't had sex for almost 2 years.

Good question, I don't know the answer because if I could decide I would have sex with my wife 24/7 :)

Once every 4 months? I haven't had sex in over 2 years. I don't really know the 'why' either.

What I have a difficult time understanding is sex as THE litmus test of life. I'm prepared to be corrected for thinking that is what is even being said, but it is how I read these messages. My wife and I have a wonderful life. We have creature comforts. We have a decent level of financial security. One of our kids is doing a doctorate at an Ivy League university. Another is a successful artist. We went through significant emotional upheaval with the deaths of beloved family members this year and we stood beside each other through both tragedies. We treat each other with respect, dignity, compassion, tenderness, superabundant love. We agree and disagree and laugh and cry. A lot. So do we measure all that against how often we have sex? It seems disproportionate to me.

Guess she is either Jetlagged, tired, ill, busy, on her period, not in the mood, too full. Need I go on?

I don't have sex because my wife has refused for the last few years. Other than that reason, the only things I can think of would be they physically cannot do it or they are ******* bat **** crazy insane.

judging from your comments he needs weeks to respond? you want to be prepared.
be ready for:
mid life crisis, wants out of marriage, had (has) an affair, is gay, has a medical issue he is hiding. just doesn't want to have sex anymore.
sorry to be blunt.

My experience of trying to get to 'why?', was a long series of bullsh1t excuses; when one is found not to stand up to scrutiny, then they give you another one... and on it goes. They can keep this up for as long as you want, decades seems normal around here. My conclusion (at least for my ex) is that, actually, it was about control and manipulation. These are fundamentally not very nice people - even though, to the outside world, they can often be perceived as caring, pleasant and fun (in fact that's very important to them), only we get to see their 'special' side.

My wife and I have been married 10 yrs, have a 3 yr, old.. I do not fit into the sexless category.. My wife and I have sex alot.. Some days is tougher than others, with child, and work, and chores and so-on. That being said, I or we make it a point to have sex atleast 5 times a week, most of the time more... Now before having a child, we were nasty.....Freaks.... Most Women and Men just get relaxed in their relationship. Never anything spontaneous, just same ole boring, get in bed, no foreplay, not much kissing, caressing, and so on, have intercourse and done... The way to fix it is this::::: Women and men are always wanting the other one to be the spontaneous one, the one to make the first move, the one to change things up.. Until both parties figure this out, the well will always be dry.. Change things up, watch some ****, expieriment with toys, Hell, expieriment with other couples.. Whatever you have to do to bring that flame out again,DO IT.. Youre marriage depends on sex, it needs sex, it has to have sex!
The Flame is always there, you just have to stoke the fire sometimes.....

Knock, knock...how many times does someone knock on the door before realizing nobody's home. That's what it's like. Still in love but not getting any loving. I'm a giver and there's not been a recipient acknowleging my sexual being. My needs have been diminished, minimized, to the point that I am questioning my own sexuality.