A Useless CreationI didn't know her only real interest in my body was as a source of what she needed to produce the baby she wanted so much. Looking back, I probably should have known, but I was very inexperienced in relationships.
I don't think she conciously chose to have that attitude about a husband. Her beliefs about marriage may have been shaped mostly by the circumstances of her life.
Still, I found myself with a wife who had no interest in sex, no interest in me. I pushed her and she sought help for a time. Eventually she declared that she was unwilling to try anything more. Time went on and it became ever more difficult for me to pretend she was getting anything out of sex. I felt I was just using her. So I stopped asking for it. The end.
Should I hate my body now? Should I hate my sexuality? They are the cause of my misery. They are useless. They have always been useless, except for that very brief time of giving her what she wanted. No woman could ever want them. And they probably keep me from doing more with my life, maybe even doing more good for others.
amdac 46-50, M 12 Responses 2 Nov 29, 2012