Holidays Make Me Feel Desperate

I think about my ideal holiday family time. To me there should be playfulness and laughter, love and happiness. In my house it's stressful with a lot of expectations on me but very few things I get to expect of him for me.

I used to find the holidays quite romantic. It was cold outside and a good time for holding hands and getting close to each other. Now when we walk there seems to be a gap 3 feet wide between us. If our son is between us we walk closer to each other (even with him in the middle) than if there's just air.

I don't know how much more of this I can take. I don't see how I can get out with a young child still at home and I only work part time. He is a great provider and there are good things about him, but we are just parenting partners and pay bills together at this point. I can not remember the last time we had a conversation that was not bills-daycare-soccer-school-work. Something about my thoughts, my beliefs. I bring things up that I would like to talk about and he stares off like I am boring.

Having my husband act like I am boring all the time is doing a number on me. Sometimes I get so angry I don't know if any of this is worth it. I don't know how to get out and provide for my son. I don't want this anymore. Sometimes I wonder if disappearing or death would make things better. My husband would take good care of our son and I wouldn't be unhappily asking him for more all the time. If it were not for my son I surely would have left the marriage. If it were not for my son I possibly would have killed myself. Concern for my son at this point keeps me in between and stuck here.

The holidays coming are making me depressed. I just needed to vent.

lovedbymany lovedbymany
36-40, F
5 Responses Nov 29, 2012

I understand...completely. I am living your life right now and I get that feeling of hopelessness and despair. I live for my child, also. It's a shame so many of us feel and live like this but it is the truth. I wish I knew what to say to help you but I can't even help myself out of this situation. All I know is thinking of my child and how terrible it would be for her to grow up without mom keeps me strong.... and hopeful that sometime soon there will be a silver lining. Maybe that lining will mean freedom! Hang in there.

The time seems nigh for you to consult a professional.

Tread your own path.

I am concerned about your mental state. Once you begin to consider, even briefly, absenting yourself forever, you ARE depressed. You need to seek medical help for this - and ask for a referral to a therapist. Talking about your problems with a trained and objective third party can be extremely helpful for you in many ways. I hope you realise there is no shame in seeking such help. I for one owe my life to this type of assistance.

Your husband appears to be highly controlling and very critical. It is quite likely he has psychological issues that contribute to this, so it is very UNlikely he will change.

Your fears are very natural ones, but women with children DO get away from unhappy marriages. Can you seek support from family, friends, women support organisations?

Above all, think of your child. He deserves a happy mother living a fulfilling life. Choosing to stay in an unhappy situation for him is NOT a good choice IMO. He is your primary consideration - be brave for him, even if you cannot be brave for yourself. {{{hugs}}}

I've felt the same way on and off at the Holidays and around my birthday, hoping and expecting some sort of "reward" or gift for my patience. I've always been disappointed. So I always found a way to have the bedroom to myself at some point, regardless of circumstances, where I can have enough privacy to be as debaucherous as possible, even if it is just by myself - not just a plain 'ol rubbin' one out, but something a little more than what you might do normally. Plan it out and give yourself a good night of ******* and kinkiness to look forward to. Doesn't cure the problem, but it helps sometimes..

Have you tried just grabbing him and planting a kiss on him, one like when you were dating. Maybe he just needs a kick start.

Sorry to say, but this is worse than useless !!!

Seriously??? Grabbing and planting a kiss on him?? Clearly you are not one of us that have suffered endlessly for years, trying, begging, pleading.....concocting EVERY damn idea known to humankind to seduce our husbands. THERE IS NO KICKSTART!!!! NOTHING WORKS!!!

While this is a great idea for NORMAL relationships, it's likely to end in greater rejection and heartache for someone living in a chronically sexless marriage.