The Talk & Emails The Final Attempt Of The DesperateThanks to stories here this week I have been thinking a lot about the Talk & Emails and how we use them in a last desperate attempt to salvage some sanity, or pity from our refusive spouses.
Lets focus on the Talk. After exhausting all avenues known to man kind and putting up with shi..t sandwich after shi..t sandwich we often start to plan our talk. In the mind of the many here who are suffering the talk is often considered as the one magic fix.
Sometimes you spend days or weeks planning this magical talk and what you are going to say and how it will fix things. Now for the talk to work you are relying on many different things which most Refusers are incapable of understanding.
First and foremost they need to give a fuc..k and if you are on these boards chances are they dont. Also you are relying on some pity factor coming from your spouse when planning this talk. As most Refusers are either Narcissits or Passive Aggresives you will get as much pity as the guy who just won lotto.
Now if your still intent on having the talk i go by the rule of do it once and once only. Reasoning is that in all probability your talk is most likely to be brushed off as just having a whinge and given that you have stood by for so long and tolerated their cra..p behavour this is just another instance where you will bit..ch but not follow through. Besides having the talk more than once loses its meaning than the Refuser knows you are just full of hot air and too gutless to follow up on any real consequences.
Give the talk some serious thought and what you will say and consequences which you must be prepared to follow through on. If you arent prepared to follow through with the consequences promised you might as well give up now.
When preparing for the talk it is important to stay calm but be firm. Often the Refuser will get on the defensive and use diversion tactics to throw you off. These tactics may include screaming, making threats, shifting the blame on to you etc etc. In all this it is important to stay calm.
Now to the Email - Like the talk days or weeks are spent pondered on what will be said in the Email. Essentially we compile a shi..t list of whats been bothering us and spill our guts there. I find the Email to be a more aggresive tactic than the talk as the email is less personal and nobody likes to be confronted with a sh..t list of how horrible they are.
So what affect does the email have. If you are looking to pi..ss of your crappy partner and drive home a few home truths than the email works extremely well.
If on the other hand you are hoping they will read it feel sorry for you and magically realise how they have wronged you well you got more chance of winning the lottery.
To anyone considering having the talk or sending the email i would strongly suggest that you first book yourself an appoitment with a Divorce Lawyer find out some concrete facts on how a Divorce will affect you than start making an exit plan or as i like to call it take out an insurance policy because if your serious and the talk or email doesnt work you will need to follow through on promised consequences. Sometimes after the talk or email we enrage our refusers so much that they initiate divorce proceedings for us.
In my opinion the Talk or the Email is the final desperate attempt at keeping a dysfunctional partnership on life support.
In the end actions speak louder than words
Stay Strong & Good Luck