Why Did I Join Ep?I just posted most of this to Unjust in a group, and realized I should have put it here as my story.
My username says a lot of where I am, and have been most of my life - and, yes, it is from an Alanis Morissette song - I've always longed for, desired someone to REALLY get me, to really connect, to really understand.
I've been married 17 years, have 4 great kids, but my marriage has always had sexual problems - as close to sexless as possible without me being able to say truly sexless. Going six months or longer is common for us. I am SO tired of it, so angry and hurt and frustrated. I want the emotional intimacy, the physical contact, the physical release, pleasing a woman, having fun. We've had trouble our entire marriage, been through counselors, books, marriage programs... nothing helps, but perhaps for a very short time.
I am SOOO tired of it. But I love and enjoy my kids dearly. I don't want to have divorce be a part of their lives. My wife and I actually get along and work well together as parents - just not as a romantic couple.
I think often of finding someone for casual sex... but when it comes right down to it, honestly, my greatest fear is my wife finding out, because I'm not sure our marriage would survive, which brings me back around to not wanting to lose my kids, or have to limit my time with them, or put them through a divorce.
I am angry about my "sexless" marriage. I'm hurt, rejected, frustrated. I just want to forget about it, resign myself to no sex, convince myself I don't care, focus on what is good. I can do that for a day, or a week. Then I'm back in the pit of anger and dispair and bitterness.
In all other aspects - I really am a great guy. Smart, funny.. (really)... friendly, giving. I'll admit, part of the reason I joined EP is the hope of finding a woman to connect with, to talk, to be open and honest, to find some of that emotional and intellectual connection I'm missing - even if that relationship is also sexless. At least my expectations and desires aren't in the way and getting shattered.
Other than that - I'm good! I'm ready for and excited about other topics here...
catchthisdrift (male, 47)