The Logic Of A Time Warp?Maybe I'm really slow. No, I must be. It takes me too long to dissect BS.
The releases this week are that it is my fault he doesn't care and it is my fault he lies to be mean,
++No. 1 quote "What can I do to make you happy? That's all I've ever tried to do was make you happy. So when your not happy, I just get so angry, so upset. That's why I call you _____ , or accuse you of ____, or whatever!"
++No. 2 quote "You know, you brought this on yourself when you said I didn't care about you. You said it so many times, well, that's what you get."
Two months ago when he said both of these, it just became so apparent that when I didn't yell or argue, he continued on to tell me that I make everything complicated. I chuckled. "Not me", I said, "And I can prove it." After waiting for his "How?" I repeated back what I understood he said. "If someone you profess to love says they don't feel you care about them, that is the justification for not caring? If you say you want to make me happy & I complain about something you do or don't do, then that is reason to attack me?"
He then got really mean. I asked him why? What was the purpose? Did he have a goal here?
He threatens to kill himself. "I should just kill myself!" or "I wish I had a gun so I could swallow a bullet as the ultimate **** you!" then, "To get along!" he quietly adds.
"Why do you lie?" I ask
"I don't." he declares.
Then there is the nonsense, me repeating a half dozen recent lies, my favorite - "You don't do ****", is always recent.
"I just say that 'cause I'm mad." or "because you hurt my feelings.". Then the irony that is his cheerful "Good night, I'll see you in the morning." as he goes to 'his' room.
I slough off the fury in my soul & ask "Would you just think about it? Think about why you would say these things, Why? What did you want to happen?"
It doesn't translate well - that 99 times he gets the same knee jerk reaction out of me & this 100th time it is completely different - his intention was to get me upset so that he could continue to the next 'comments': "You're insane." "You're lucky I'm not a violent man" &/or "I can see why your father beat you."** finishing with "This is abuse." But this time was different - it didn't go that far. This time I didn't let go of the starting point losing all sense of intention or sense..
Usually, he says A, I say B - then he claims to have said A because I said B. I call it the time warp.
**& other things i shared with him privately/my secrets/shame.