My TruthsI guess this is somewhat of an update. I just need to ramble or rant or whatever. I apologize if it seems scattered.
I don't feel any differently. I still want to separate even though he has been getting testosterone injections, stopped his narcotic pain meds, and is more engaged in what's going on.
He doesn't think it's fair that I feel this way because he didn't realize how unhappy I was. He was in his own world, just waiting for his next dose of pain medication. He says I have no idea what very low testosterone does to a person, how it made him feel. He said he was blindsided when I told him last year I wanted a separation. I told him I still feel the same way.
I told him that I shouldn't have to remind my husband that not having sex and intimacy with your wife is a bad thing and will make her very unhappy. I expressed how I unraveled and was just barely keeping my head above water trying to take care of the household, the kids, becoming severely depressed. I told him how I got to the point that I was hoping one of us would die, and I knew it was time for me to get help. He does not understand how ridiculous it is that I had to tell him I want to leave for him to get help/help himself. How could someone not know that not screwing your spouse for years will make them quite unhappy?
He does not understand how all of this changed how I feel about him. I told him that I am very happy that he's off most of his meds and that he gets along much better with the kids now.
I am pretty sure he has his libido back, but I just cannot bring myself to be sexual with him.
No, I haven't seen a lawyer yet. I am not finished with school, and I'm not working. I have already mourned the loss of my marriage. I still feel stuck because of guilt.