Confused EmotionsI cheated. I felt like I was in my own empty world of silence. No one openly talks about the lack of intimacy in their relationship. Especially not a woman. Society often makes us believe that women are supposed to be desired and that men are supposed to be the chasers. What happens when the roles are reversed and the woman no longer feels like the woman? You silently cry at night, hoping things will get better, knowing deep down inside, you’re loosing a piece of you. Should you ever feel guilty for your desires, your thoughts, your urgent need to please? No, but I did. Until, I met someone else who shared my pain. This someone else was never meant to be. We started off as great friends, had fun with each other, understood each other. Then it became much more--- fast. It has been a year and a half since I have secretly had my affair. He was fun, he satisfied my desires, as I satisfied his. He was comfortable, familiar. Our loneliness connected us. We relied on each other to fulfill the void we both did not receive from our spouses. Now, I’m in deep. I love this man, and want the best for him. I know he can not be mine, never. But, the thought of losing him drives me crazy. My husband has tried and has been trying to connect with me. I too have tried with him. Things are much better for the two of us. But I still think of the other guy; still want more. I’ve gotten myself in way too deep. Advice? Thoughts?
confusedemotions 26-30, F 6 Responses 1 Dec 2, 2012