I Love, I Try, I Can

Sometimes I spend the whole day thinking about sex, I must to do something. I think the solution to my problem is conversation, so I am trying gradually.
My first attempt with positive results was yesterday: I went to a party with my husband, we drank a lot and after dancing, I asked him and he told me about why he couldn't have sex with me for so long. He said that sex to him needs to be exciting, with challenges, as it was forbidden. He said he wanted me to show my body to him more often too.
He also misses the sex and I thought not. Now I can see that this problem is about me too. After this conversation we had sex yesterday and today and it was perfect. For today, I'm happy.
JulieSo JulieSo
26-30, F
6 Responses Dec 2, 2012

Do you think that maybe it is not even about the sex but the thrill of the chase. Some are addicted to sex or money or whatever. But it is always about achieving the unattainable.

Just my thoughts

Sex is like a food sweetheart.. If you eat now, you may surely feel hungry after sometime..
It's a necessity... well.. You gave me a dangling carrot.. shown but not eaten..
Wanna chat with you online on yahoo email...

I think you need to continue the communication about what turns him on, and he needs to know what turns you on as well. If you can do things for each other that are satisfying and the frequency of your encounters continues to increase, I think you can find a balance that keeps you both satisfied.

Sometimes my wife likes to be tied up and spanked ( which I enjoy doing to her...a LOT :) ). Sometimes she wants to take charge and maybe tie me up. I prefer to be in control, but I am certainly going to accommodate her wants and needs also.

I see nothing wrong or selfish communicating to your lover what "does it" for you, and vice versa.

Over the last one year, how many different kinds of pizza have you eaten? How many different flavors of ice cream? What exotic beverages have you sipped that you never had prior to that last one year? My impression is that by the time you are 30, you have tasted pretty much everything you will ever taste. People do like some daily variation in their diet, but if you look at your diet for a year, you will find considerable monotony interrupted by perhaps four or five outlier meals. Most people aren't bothered by this, and most people do not dislike food, because they are /hungry/. And yet (refusing) people often make an excuse of the boredom of "same old" sex turning them off. There's nothing wrong with the menu ---- they just aren't hungry.

This is going to get real old real quick.

Then, you'll head off chasing the "why" he is like he is. You will discover all sorts of interesting conditions that might explain his intimacy aversion. Should keep you busy for a couple of years minimum. Then, you'll have to conclude that he has no intent or ability to fix his "why" and you'll have to scrub him.

Alternatively, you could look at his intimacy averse behaviour now, and scrub him now and do something productive with those couple of years (or more) you would otherwise waste on him.

Tread your own path.

"sex to him needs to be exciting, with challenges, as it was forbidden"

That is a pretty big ask! How you (or he) can sustain this over a life-time would seem to me an insurmountable challenge.

I'm happy for you that things are great for now. But sadly I don't think this will result in a long term solution for you. :(