Feeling Too Good Feels Bad

If all was right with the world those awkward moments of life would be soon be lost in time. It is the sum of the experience that wears on you.
You cannot fix someone but you can improve your life by improving the experience as you nicely stated. In the end your happiness be yours to win with the right path.

Just turn to the wind, smell the freshness, eat some fresh fruit and all shall be told when you realize the brilliant pallettes that life presents to you..

But I've been told that I'm retarded by some of the most knowledgeable posters on these forums.

Just enjoy life and yourself and don't overthink things.

Personally, I think much of your thinking is still "us" driven - as if you were in a functional relationship (where such thinking is perfectly appropriate).

"Us" thinking is useless if there is no "us".

From where I observe, your situation is not an "us" situation."Us" thinking, when there is no "us" does "you" no good.

Fundamentally, you must still believe there is an "us". From the outside looking in, it appears that there is no "us". Just "you" (who at some level want to progress to an enhanced life) and "him" (who doesn't).

There can be no contribution from "him" to an enhaced "us". It ain't what he wants. Efforts you put into "us" you are simply ******* up against the wall.

Tread your own path.

Supporting someone who is going through a bad time is admirable. But be careful not to mistake supporting for doing his work for him. You can advise, support, encourage and help him - but you can NOT do his work for him. If he chooses to do nothing to help himself, YOU are not responsible for that choice.

I think you would be wise to read up on "co-dependency" - because I believe that IS a factor in your relationship. You have the belief that you "should" take care of him, regardless of how he treats you - or himself.

Your sense that you are feeling "TOO good" is dictated by some deep inner insecurities. I encourage you to explore this with a therapist who can help you identify the sources of these feelings and how to deal with them in pro-active ways. {{{hugs}}}

Now that you own your happiness at the level you do, i say divorce and go be who you want without him.

Even being single would have to be ok.

If your hesitant to do so get a good psychologist and figure this out and leave the past behind.

I wish i had going on for my self esteem that you have. I would no longer be on thos site.

Here is one tactic to try if you still feel the need to be "responsible" for provide motivation to the husband under the category of "for better or worse". I use this often at home myself.

When you go to exercise, invite him ONCE, and only ONCE, if he would like to join you. You can also use this in other situations too. Ask only ONCE. Do not beg, plead or treat him in any other way than you would any other adult. Respect his decision to decline. Make no further comment on his decision.

He will no doubt refuse the offer(s) more often than not. You know it and he knows it. But his decisions to live as he sees fit must be respected. /P>

And when he declines to go then you continue on with your plan to engage in healthy behaviors, your other plans, etc.

You offered, he declined. WIth each passing day he becomes more irrelevant to your life.

But - your spousal "responsibility" has now been suitably discharged by the mere fact that you made the offer.

Then live your life as you see fit.

One good thing from getting all my messy thoughts out there and receiving feedback is things are clearing up for me in my mind. I sm getting ready to speak my truths with him again. Grateful for that..feeling stronger. Thx, all.

The only action you can take is to continue on your journey of self improvment.

It is solely his choice as to whether to join you or not.

If you choose to go down to his level of inactivity - you will need to do so without complaint. If going down to his level subtracts value from your life then do not do it - remain at your higher level of activity. You might want him to rise up to your level, but whether or not he will is solely his choice.

You own your moral dilemma. Your line in the sand is going to be different than another person's. Your "how much should I give to the marriage" cannot be dictated by another. That is going to be solely your call.

Is sex - drive "inner driven" or "outer driven" -- hmm........ I know he watches a lot of ****. So he is looking for something OUTSIDE of himself to turn the switch on for him. But if we take care of ourselves, maybe it is more "inner driven" (Comes from within and we don't need so much outside stimulus.. although, a warm body would be nice!! lol)... okay.. just a random thought I had...