Breaking It Down Into Concrete Immediate Steps : My Final 4 Week Plan To Make It Work..I have made 2 plans, and will fill in on them as I go. One is the short term 4 weeks to make it work.
The second would be the long term, which would be determined by what happens in the next 4 weeks.
Step 1: Acknowledge the truth.
Be at peace with it. Dont be emotional about it. Process is as information, facts, incidents, not as "I cant believe God did this to me!"
In my story "Finally a change to Happiness" I have worked on acknowledging, accepting the truth, like an adult.
Step 2: Communicate the truth.
The fact that change is not going to happen without proactive intervention. If both partners dont have the same need for a change, then there is not much the one partner who does want it can do about it.
Making an intervention plan, and following through with it is the most important part. Discussing it with DH without getting emotional/angry is important.
Step 3: Determine What you want your present truth to be.
Something concrete like:
a)I want him to have sex with me x no of times a week/month whichever.
b) to indulge in foreplay.
c) to pursue me.
d) to be able to kiss me.
e)to touch me in a sexual way.
Then kind of try to determine,
a) does he have the will to do it.
b)does he have the ability to do it.
( I think this step 3 would be helpful to discuss with a sex therapist, without getting all emotional about it.)
Step 4: In the immediate short term.
4 weeks: for DH to see a
a) Sex therapist
c) Would it be a urologist or fix his testosterone levels?
(pls fill in here, I really dont know what speciality would that be, who is the man's version of a gynaecologist?)
d)Also do we need to see an internal medicine family doctor first to fix that?
(we really havent done any of that except he getting a presc
But looks like after 11 years he may be willing to accept intervention. I hope thats the case.
Step 5: Set a Concrete time limit:
2 Days to get all the appointments.
4 weeks for my husband to seek help, work on it.
Step constant : Dream, dream of the good life, make a list of things you see yourself doing in your new changed life. The positives. The Happiness. Talk about it. Because this is what it is all about. This is the reason, the It, thats going to give me the strenght to keep going..