No More Marriage Counseling - I Give Up And Am Broke

So since I was paying for the marriage counseling and insurance refused to cover it, I let go of the whole project. My marriage is over anyway.  I know this.

This morning I asked H if we should separate, after we got into a tiff about money.  No way, he said, and tried to hug me.   UUUUuuugh, leave me alone, I thought. 

It is terrible to say, but I keep fantasizing how wonderful it would be if he died.  I do not hate him, but I do not feel any love for him either.  Mostly, other than spats like this morning, we get a long alright as long as we stay out of each other's hair.

I think we can also be okay as roommates who co-parent but I do not expect more than that.  And frankly, I do not want more than that.  As soon as I start working full time, I am going to hire a babysitter once or twice a month to go out on "me" nights.  Movies, hookups...why not? 

Just gotta make myself happy.
EinEngel EinEngel 46-50, F 3 Responses Dec 4, 2012

Your Response


There you have it.
Your entree into a transparent life under the same roof, which will leave him free to persue his love of alcohol without worrying about how that will impact on you.
Leaves you to persue Rudi / Christian without you worrying how that sits with him.

Of course financing this is going to be difficult for you both. Make sure you are not financing - or subsidising - his alcohol habit.

It could work for a while.

But you need an exit strategy for when the time comes that it doesn't work. And that could happen quick. Real quick.

Tread your own path.

"This morning I asked H if we should separate"

We say these things to their faces, we show how unhappy we are over the years, and yet they are STILL surprised when we ACTUALLY leave them/the marriage!!!

I am 100% sure your H will be the same, once you realize you're better off on your own...or with someone else...

If both people are mature and accept the reality of the relationship as it exists today, drop all expectations of sexual intimacy and live with the idea in both their heads that the point of the relationship is now to help each other simply live life (in your case being coparents and responsible roommates) - there is no reason why this "new normal" cannot work for X amount of time.

You have now announced your emotional divorce.

That doesn't mean you have to move out or get a legal divorce - but it does mean different expectations from the union. That would mean accepting the husband for what he is, accepting your needs as they are - and not trying to change either - and fashioning a new way forward from here on out.

Hopefully this new way (whether temporary or permanent) will bring you more satisfaction in general and improve the overall quality of your life.

Yes, I hope so too. Thanks MVC. We just need to help each other live life. More neither of us can expect from each other.