No More Marriage Counseling - I Give Up And Am BrokeSo since I was paying for the marriage counseling and insurance refused to cover it, I let go of the whole project. My marriage is over anyway. I know this.
This morning I asked H if we should separate, after we got into a tiff about money. No way, he said, and tried to hug me. UUUUuuugh, leave me alone, I thought.
It is terrible to say, but I keep fantasizing how wonderful it would be if he died. I do not hate him, but I do not feel any love for him either. Mostly, other than spats like this morning, we get a long alright as long as we stay out of each other's hair.
I think we can also be okay as roommates who co-parent but I do not expect more than that. And frankly, I do not want more than that. As soon as I start working full time, I am going to hire a babysitter once or twice a month to go out on "me" nights. Movies, hookups...why not?
Just gotta make myself happy.