Really Confused And Frustrated

I have lived in a virtually sexless marriage for the last 8 years. We've been together 25 years and we love each other but our sex life is virtually non existent and when we do have sex it is like he lets me "use" him. The last three times have (since beginning of the year) been crap. He doesn't touch me anywhere and basically lets me turn myself on by touching him. I get no foreplay and he doesn't care about my ******. It used to be really good, not more than once or twice a week and pretty vanilla but fine. I've tried talking To him, I've tried lingerie, sending suggestive texts and emails, kissing him more, really making him feel desired, stroking, cuddling, tickling etc. I bought a vibrator. Agreed to a ********* with another girl (didn't happen). No success whatsoever. Even on holiday on our own in the summer Without our child in a beautiful hotel with lots of booze made no difference. He physically pushed me away three times. After our last dreadful coupling three weeks ago I have decided not to bother anymore.

I basically meet men off the Internet for sex now to compensate. It's not really what I want to do but it has been awesome fun and I have joined a special website for like minded people. I have a few friends, some of whom are a lot younger than me (half my age!) some are married and in the same situation, some are single but like older women or just want no strings sex. It works well for me but I hate lying to him. I believe my actions are saving my marriage so I do t leave. He rarely tells me he loves me but I know he does. He rarely cuddles or gives me more than a peck. We don't cuddle up in bed anymore. I feel so empty and alone if I dwell on it. I don't know if he knows but he must wonder how I feel. He won't talk about it. He has no Physical erectile problems but just seems to be sexless now. I don't know what to do anymore. I removed all my pubic hair six months ago as most men prefer it and I like it better. He hasn't commented and we have twice had sex in that period of time. I've also bought lots of nice new lingerie and he hasn't noticed. He Hangs it on the washing line but never asks me to wear it. I feel too unattractive and undesired to be brave enough to put it on myself for him.

I have met some gorgeous guys who are way out of my league but who tell me I'm gorgeous, beautiful, sexy, desirable, fun etc. it's like dating but without the heartache. I am able to keep it NSA which is why I have several friends so I don't get too attached to one! I know these guys want sex ultimately but so do I! I dont have sex with anyone I don't feel Chemistry with and often walk away from a meeting with a peck on the cheek for them and no more. Most if tge guys I see regularly are friends "with benefits" definitely. We chat by text and email and on the phone (sometimes though less often than electronically!) . Some I am in daily contact with over several hours and some it's a text before we next meet! I don't lie to anyone about my situation and have been told I look just like my photos. But what to do - I have no idea! I feel dead inside sometimes and meeting one of my friends is thrilling and makes me feel young and happy again.


Marymarthame Marymarthame
46-50
14 Responses Dec 4, 2012

I think you are doing it right. Often a marriage partner no longer has interest in sex as part of the aging process or for other reasons. They still love but sex is not involved. The remaining partner has needs which can be satisfied through another person, often in the same circumstances.

An update on my situation just over a year later. I gave up my extra marital naughtiness at end of march last year. It felt wrong. At the same time I slid into depression and started having anxiety attacks. I put this down to a change in antidepressant medication just over a year ago. I gave up drinking alcohol as I was on a cocktail of drugs that didn't agree with alcohol. I have lost 3.5 stone as a result. In August I was made redundant. So I did three things my hubby wanted: lose weight, give up alcohol and leave my job. Yes, he approaches me a little more now. Yes I look better. But I cannot shake the depression. I also cannot stop dwelling on my past behaviour. I am still in touch with some of my friends, but they know I'm unwell and not up for meeting at the moment. I feel bad about having fuckbuddies but I also know at the time why I did it. My depression has affected our family badly as it is very debilitating. I guess the way to really heal myself would be to sever all contact with my past friends but I'm finding it tough.

Marymarthame - Thank you for your update. It appears you have made major strides over the past year. And 3.5 stone is amazing - I bet you look great. Avoiding the alcohol is a big win for anyone. Try to not beat yourself up over any of your extra-marital activities a year ago. Remember you were a loving wife, but missing the intimacy that should be present in any marriage, so don't assume unnecessary blame on yourself. Marriage is a two way arrangement and a spouse denying you intimacy can have consequences too. Approaching you a "little more" seems like progress, but still far from where you would like it to be. However my suggestion is to keep your experiences to yourself and build on what has seemed to be progress over the past year. Confessing those may only introduce more emotions and heartaches then either of you want or need.
The world has many, many happy marriages where one partner has few options but to seek discrete intimacy outside the marriage. I would not immediately drop your friends - you may still at least one good friend again.

Angelina753 thanks for your reply. If you want to chat in private I am happy to exchange email addresses. I think peer counselling can be incredibly helpful especially with people in the same situation. Why do you struggle with the friend aspect of NSA? Because you want to be more than friends, or because no strings is impossible eg you connect sex with love only?

If I'm being honest yes I love sex but it is more than a purely physical sensation. Yes I love the feel of a good body (a couple of my friends have awesome bodies!!), the look of a good face but I also like a fun person who is empathetic, kind, sincere, intelligent etc. I've even met FBs and not had sex with them if the need isn't there or other matters are priority! Some of my "friends" can only confide in me. As no one else knows what they are doing. Young guys sometimes hide their "cougar habit" from their friends, others are proud. I have a 24 yr old I see who is gorgeous, fit, tall, funny, kind, sexy etc who told a friend that he met me in a hotel one afternoon and I asked him what his friend said. He said "he thought I was a lucky bastard" . One guy I see on occasion has a pregnant wife and now his regular FB is pregnant too - he's in shock but being responsible. We are talking a lot at the moment as he needs a listening ear to get his head straight. For me I also (dare I say it) like the attention, the one to oneness of an encounter when you are the focus, an FB will spend all night giving you a massage, caressing you, loving every part of your body, revelling in the newness and unfamiliarity of you, spend hours having sex, be up for experimentation etc. my hubby just wants a physical release (maybe) and a quickie!

Some of my guys want the affection that is missing from their lives. Me, I love someone feeling such desire for you they can't help touching you in public, or whispering "hurry up and finish your drink so we can be alone". The novelty and newness is half the fun!

Sometimes I will say to a guy that I am looking for my inner teenager again. The one that could spend hours kissing, teasing, giggling, being silly, and generally forgetting about domesticity and problems. An FB doesn't want to be bored with a story about my boss for hours but a 5 minute anecdote about them with hysterical laughter is different! My Hubby is more likely to be Watching the clock if we have sex than me! Familiarity breeds contempt.

I probably sound like a fluffy bunny who is being self indulgent and reckless but I assure you I am not. I am screaming inside for attention and affection and this is the way I get it. If my hubby isn't prepared to give me either then yes, I do go elsewhere but in my view I haven't chosen a friends husband, or a family friend, or even a friends son. Yes I do think that in the background there might be a wife or partner who would be devastated but that wife or partner also needs to think about their attitude.

One of the reasons I don't want to leave is because I think lack of sex is a trivial reason to give up after 25 years! How sad would I look to the outside world if I left my hubby for a toy boy who wouldn't hang around. He wants a wife and family in the future! Can you imagine what it's like to be a fantasy for someone at my age? One guy I spent one afternoon with but who ultimately didn't like me being married emails me on occasion saying he misses our conversations and still dreams about our sexy afternoon in the summer. Me - he was 27, handsome and a gym instructor with a fit body - hurrah!

I know I sound shallow but I'm truly not!

Angelina753 thanks for your reply. If you want to chat in private I am happy to exchange email addresses. I think peer counselling can be incredibly helpful especially with people in the same situation. Why do you struggle with the friend aspect of NSA? Because you want to be more than friends, or because no strings is impossible eg you connect sex with love only?

If I'm being honest yes I love sex but it is more than a purely physical sensation. Yes I love the feel of a good body (a couple of my friends have awesome bodies!!), the look of a good face but I also like a fun person who is empathetic, kind, sincere, intelligent etc. I've even met FBs and not had sex with them if the need isn't there or other matters are priority! Some of my "friends" can only confide in me. As no one else knows what they are doing. Young guys sometimes hide their "cougar habit" from their friends, others are proud. I have a 24 yr old I see who is gorgeous, fit, tall, funny, kind, sexy etc who told a friend that he met me in a hotel one afternoon and I asked him what his friend said. He said "he thought I was a lucky bastard" . One guy I see on occasion has a pregnant wife and now his regular FB is pregnant too - he's in shock but being responsible. We are talking a lot at the moment as he needs a listening ear to get his head straight. For me I also (dare I say it) like the attention, the one to oneness of an encounter when you are the focus, an FB will spend all night giving you a massage, caressing you, loving every part of your body, revelling in the newness and unfamiliarity of you, spend hours having sex, be up for experimentation etc. my hubby just wants a physical release (maybe) and a quickie!

Some of my guys want the affection that is missing from their lives. Me, I love someone feeling such desire for you they can't help touching you in public, or whispering "hurry up and finish your drink so we can be alone". The novelty and newness is half the fun!

Sometimes I will say to a guy that I am looking for my inner teenager again. The one that could spend hours kissing, teasing, giggling, being silly, and generally forgetting about domesticity and problems. An FB doesn't want to be bored with a story about my boss for hours but a 5 minute anecdote about them with hysterical laughter is different! My Hubby is more likely to be Watching the clock if we have sex than me! Familiarity breeds contempt.

I probably sound like a fluffy bunny who is being self indulgent and reckless but I assure you I am not. I am screaming inside for attention and affection and this is the way I get it. If my hubby isn't prepared to give me either then yes, I do go elsewhere but in my view I haven't chosen a friends husband, or a family friend, or even a friends son. Yes I do think that in the background there might be a wife or partner who would be devastated but that wife or partner also needs to think about their attitude.

One of the reasons I don't want to leave is because I think lack of sex is a trivial reason to give up after 25 years! How sad would I look to the outside world if I left my hubby for a toy boy who wouldn't hang around. He wants a wife and family in the future! Can you imagine what it's like to be a fantasy for someone at my age? One guy I spent one afternoon with but who ultimately didn't like me being married emails me on occasion saying he misses our conversations and still dreams about our sexy afternoon in the summer. Me - he was 27, handsome and a gym instructor with a fit body - hurrah!

I know I sound shallow but I'm truly not!

Angelina753 thanks for your reply. If you want to chat in private I am happy to exchange email addresses. I think peer counselling can be incredibly helpful especially with people in the same situation. Why do you struggle with the friend aspect of NSA? Because you want to be more than friends, or because no strings is impossible eg you connect sex with love only?

If I'm being honest yes I love sex but it is more than a purely physical sensation. Yes I love the feel of a good body (a couple of my friends have awesome bodies!!), the look of a good face but I also like a fun person who is empathetic, kind, sincere, intelligent etc. I've even met FBs and not had sex with them if the need isn't there or other matters are priority! Some of my "friends" can only confide in me. As no one else knows what they are doing. Young guys sometimes hide their "cougar habit" from their friends, others are proud. I have a 24 yr old I see who is gorgeous, fit, tall, funny, kind, sexy etc who told a friend that he met me in a hotel one afternoon and I asked him what his friend said. He said "he thought I was a lucky bastard" . One guy I see on occasion has a pregnant wife and now his regular FB is pregnant too - he's in shock but being responsible. We are talking a lot at the moment as he needs a listening ear to get his head straight. For me I also (dare I say it) like the attention, the one to oneness of an encounter when you are the focus, an FB will spend all night giving you a massage, caressing you, loving every part of your body, revelling in the newness and unfamiliarity of you, spend hours having sex, be up for experimentation etc. my hubby just wants a physical release (maybe) and a quickie!

Some of my guys want the affection that is missing from their lives. Me, I love someone feeling such desire for you they can't help touching you in public, or whispering "hurry up and finish your drink so we can be alone". The novelty and newness is half the fun!

Sometimes I will say to a guy that I am looking for my inner teenager again. The one that could spend hours kissing, teasing, giggling, being silly, and generally forgetting about domesticity and problems. An FB doesn't want to be bored with a story about my boss for hours but a 5 minute anecdote about them with hysterical laughter is different! My Hubby is more likely to be Watching the clock if we have sex than me! Familiarity breeds contempt.

I probably sound like a fluffy bunny who is being self indulgent and reckless but I assure you I am not. I am screaming inside for attention and affection and this is the way I get it. If my hubby isn't prepared to give me either then yes, I do go elsewhere but in my view I haven't chosen a friends husband, or a family friend, or even a friends son. Yes I do think that in the background there might be a wife or partner who would be devastated but that wife or partner also needs to think about their attitude.

One of the reasons I don't want to leave is because I think lack of sex is a trivial reason to give up after 25 years! How sad would I look to the outside world if I left my hubby for a toy boy who wouldn't hang around. He wants a wife and family in the future! Can you imagine what it's like to be a fantasy for someone at my age? One guy I spent one afternoon with but who ultimately didn't like me being married emails me on occasion saying he misses our conversations and still dreams about our sexy afternoon in the summer. Me - he was 27, handsome and a gym instructor with a fit body - hurrah!

I know I sound shallow but I'm truly not!

Angelina753 thanks for your reply. If you want to chat in private I am happy to exchange email addresses. I think peer counselling can be incredibly helpful especially with people in the same situation. Why do you struggle with the friend aspect of NSA? Because you want to be more than friends, or because no strings is impossible eg you connect sex with love only?

If I'm being honest yes I love sex but it is more than a purely physical sensation. Yes I love the feel of a good body (a couple of my friends have awesome bodies!!), the look of a good face but I also like a fun person who is empathetic, kind, sincere, intelligent etc. I've even met FBs and not had sex with them if the need isn't there or other matters are priority! Some of my "friends" can only confide in me. As no one else knows what they are doing. Young guys sometimes hide their "cougar habit" from their friends, others are proud. I have a 24 yr old I see who is gorgeous, fit, tall, funny, kind, sexy etc who told a friend that he met me in a hotel one afternoon and I asked him what his friend said. He said "he thought I was a lucky bastard" . One guy I see on occasion has a pregnant wife and now his regular FB is pregnant too - he's in shock but being responsible. We are talking a lot at the moment as he needs a listening ear to get his head straight. For me I also (dare I say it) like the attention, the one to oneness of an encounter when you are the focus, an FB will spend all night giving you a massage, caressing you, loving every part of your body, revelling in the newness and unfamiliarity of you, spend hours having sex, be up for experimentation etc. my hubby just wants a physical release (maybe) and a quickie!

Some of my guys want the affection that is missing from their lives. Me, I love someone feeling such desire for you they can't help touching you in public, or whispering "hurry up and finish your drink so we can be alone". The novelty and newness is half the fun!

Sometimes I will say to a guy that I am looking for my inner teenager again. The one that could spend hours kissing, teasing, giggling, being silly, and generally forgetting about domesticity and problems. An FB doesn't want to be bored with a story about my boss for hours but a 5 minute anecdote about them with hysterical laughter is different! My Hubby is more likely to be Watching the clock if we have sex than me! Familiarity breeds contempt.

I probably sound like a fluffy bunny who is being self indulgent and reckless but I assure you I am not. I am screaming inside for attention and affection and this is the way I get it. If my hubby isn't prepared to give me either then yes, I do go elsewhere but in my view I haven't chosen a friends husband, or a family friend, or even a friends son. Yes I do think that in the background there might be a wife or partner who would be devastated but that wife or partner also needs to think about their attitude.

One of the reasons I don't want to leave is because I think lack of sex is a trivial reason to give up after 25 years! How sad would I look to the outside world if I left my hubby for a toy boy who wouldn't hang around. He wants a wife and family in the future! Can you imagine what it's like to be a fantasy for someone at my age? One guy I spent one afternoon with but who ultimately didn't like me being married emails me on occasion saying he misses our conversations and still dreams about our sexy afternoon in the summer. Me - he was 27, handsome and a gym instructor with a fit body - hurrah!

I know I sound shallow but I'm truly not!

Angelina753 thanks for your reply. If you want to chat in private I am happy to exchange email addresses. I think peer counselling can be incredibly helpful especially with people in the same situation. Why do you struggle with the friend aspect of NSA? Because you want to be more than friends, or because no strings is impossible eg you connect sex with love only?

If I'm being honest yes I love sex but it is more than a purely physical sensation. Yes I love the feel of a good body (a couple of my friends have awesome bodies!!), the look of a good face but I also like a fun person who is empathetic, kind, sincere, intelligent etc. I've even met FBs and not had sex with them if the need isn't there or other matters are priority! Some of my "friends" can only confide in me. As no one else knows what they are doing. Young guys sometimes hide their "cougar habit" from their friends, others are proud. I have a 24 yr old I see who is gorgeous, fit, tall, funny, kind, sexy etc who told a friend that he met me in a hotel one afternoon and I asked him what his friend said. He said "he thought I was a lucky bastard" . One guy I see on occasion has a pregnant wife and now his regular FB is pregnant too - he's in shock but being responsible. We are talking a lot at the moment as he needs a listening ear to get his head straight. For me I also (dare I say it) like the attention, the one to oneness of an encounter when you are the focus, an FB will spend all night giving you a massage, caressing you, loving every part of your body, revelling in the newness and unfamiliarity of you, spend hours having sex, be up for experimentation etc. my hubby just wants a physical release (maybe) and a quickie!

Some of my guys want the affection that is missing from their lives. Me, I love someone feeling such desire for you they can't help touching you in public, or whispering "hurry up and finish your drink so we can be alone". The novelty and newness is half the fun!

Sometimes I will say to a guy that I am looking for my inner teenager again. The one that could spend hours kissing, teasing, giggling, being silly, and generally forgetting about domesticity and problems. An FB doesn't want to be bored with a story about my boss for hours but a 5 minute anecdote about them with hysterical laughter is different! My Hubby is more likely to be Watching the clock if we have sex than me! Familiarity breeds contempt.

I probably sound like a fluffy bunny who is being self indulgent and reckless but I assure you I am not. I am screaming inside for attention and affection and this is the way I get it. If my hubby isn't prepared to give me either then yes, I do go elsewhere but in my view I haven't chosen a friends husband, or a family friend, or even a friends son. Yes I do think that in the background there might be a wife or partner who would be devastated but that wife or partner also needs to think about their attitude.

One of the reasons I don't want to leave is because I think lack of sex is a trivial reason to give up after 25 years! How sad would I look to the outside world if I left my hubby for a toy boy who wouldn't hang around. He wants a wife and family in the future! Can you imagine what it's like to be a fantasy for someone at my age? One guy I spent one afternoon with but who ultimately didn't like me being married emails me on occasion saying he misses our conversations and still dreams about our sexy afternoon in the summer. Me - he was 27, handsome and a gym instructor with a fit body - hurrah!

I know I sound shallow but I'm truly not!

All you have to do is put my name where yours is.. This is my story also.. I think you are brave for trying to find a way for yourself.. I struggle with the friend aspect of NSA sex. Maybe I am just bad in bed.

Thanks everyone for your responses. I guess by writing this I knew what I needed to do. It's time to talk to him again. I sleep on the sofa bed most nights and yes, I would like him to say " please come and cuddle up" but he never does. Maybe I will go and stay with my folks for a week and see if he wakes up. My daughter has a really busy after school life which is tricky. He works mostly from home so maybe she stays with him? He says I have a short temper which I do when my daughter is being tricky and he is ignoring me. It's frustration and "look at me, like me, love me, do something". He looks at my naked body and says "go back to the gym" . I know I need to tone up but believe me im not bad for my age. I don't think I'd get men paying for hotel Rooms to spend time with me if I was a state. Nice, kind, handsome, witty men. One of whom is 28 and drives 180 miles to spend a few hours with me. Maybe I'm kidding myself but when I started this online thing I had no idea if it would work. But it has. My navel gazing is as a result of doing a magazine interview yesterday about my "online affairs". The journalist made me think. It's interesting the guys I meet. Most are in happy (this varies) steady marriages with kids but there is no or little sex or intimacy. Some of these guys want a cuddle more than sex! I can relate to that! I don't care if they sleep with their wives or not - it's not my business. One of my "friends" has a pregnant wife. The singles are more complex. They generally want a "naughty cougar friend" with no strings that they can see on occasion without it affecting their lives. I have had several instances where there was more of an "emotional" attachment (from their side not mine) which I have had to deal with carefully. My husband says I'm "not right" and took me to the doctor last week but the doctor said it was our circumstances, not me. I am also being bullied at work by my manager who belittles me and has sapped all my confidence at work. So when I get home I don't want hassle and difficult hold and husband to deal with.

"He looks at my naked body and says "go back to the gym" ."

O.M.G. THAT is your LIFE PARTNER??? You have GOt to be kidding me. He is unkind, untruthful, and WANTS TO HURT YOU.

I caution you, however, in taking this out on your daughter. Get yourself some help so you don't mess up that relationship. It is NOT her fault that you are frustrated and unloved - that blame lies squarely on your dud-of-a-mate's shoulders. I am speaking from experience on this one. Turn your frustration ANYWHERE else but to her, please.

Thanks everyone for your responses. I guess by writing this I knew what I needed to do. It's time to talk to him again. I sleep on the sofa bed most nights and yes, I would like him to say " please come and cuddle up" but he never does. Maybe I will go and stay with my folks for a week and see if he wakes up. My daughter has a really busy after school life which is tricky. He works mostly from home so maybe she stays with him? He says I have a short temper which I do when my daughter is being tricky and he is ignoring me. It's frustration and "look at me, like me, love me, do something". He looks at my naked body and says "go back to the gym" . I know I need to tone up but believe me im not bad for my age. I don't think I'd get men paying for hotel Rooms to spend time with me if I was a state. Nice, kind, handsome, witty men. One of whom is 28 and drives 180 miles to spend a few hours with me. Maybe I'm kidding myself but when I started this online thing I had no idea if it would work. But it has. My navel gazing is as a result of doing a magazine interview yesterday about my "online affairs". The journalist made me think. It's interesting the guys I meet. Most are in happy (this varies) steady marriages with kids but there is no or little sex or intimacy. Some of these guys want a cuddle more than sex! I can relate to that! I don't care if they sleep with their wives or not - it's not my business. One of my "friends" has a pregnant wife. The singles are more complex. They generally want a "naughty cougar friend" with no strings that they can see on occasion without it affecting their lives. I have had several instances where there was more of an "emotional" attachment (from their side not mine) which I have had to deal with carefully. My husband says I'm "not right" and took me to the doctor last week but the doctor said it was our circumstances, not me. I am also being bullied at work by my manager who belittles me and has sapped all my confidence at work. So when I get home I don't want hassle and difficult hold and husband to deal with.

He is paying the consequences of his complete lack of desire towards you. I would completely rethink your statement that he loves you cause if he did he would not treat you the way he does.

I think you need to visit a Divorce Lawyer and seek legal advice cause i can see this ending in Divorce.

Either you will eventually like one of these fu...ck buddies and want to move out with them, or he will at some point stumble upon some incriminating eveidence regarding your infedelities and his reaction is likely to be Volcanic, therefore destroying the marriage the very thing you claim you are trying to save by having these encounters.

Not passing judgement cause this cement head has obviously bought on this misery on himself but you do need to cover your a...ss.

Stay Strong & Good Luck

See a lawyer to establish how a divorce would shake out for you.

The sheer weight of opportunity you are creating with other blokes is highly likely to produce someone with whom you'd prefer to live other than your dud husband, so you'd do well to prepare for that eventuality.

Also, you are at risk of divorce at the hand of your husband if he discovers what's going on and reacts in a less than understanding manner.

Tread your own path.

Geez mvcmvc that was harsh!

Thanks realman. I've tried talking and it doesn't work. He simply doesn't engage with me about it. Yes I am being naughty and it's not good and soon I think I will have got it out of my system (I pray) But I do question why I am still married to him. We love each other and we are each others best friends (I know this sounds ironic) but he just doesn't desire me any more. I know that. I cannot afford to leave, I don't want to and it would wreck 3 lives. This way I have a little fun discreetly. I am discreet. I go out max once a week or less and never near where I live. I practice safe sex and get tested. He has apologised before for the situation but when I suggested relate or similar he told me I wouldn't like what I heard. I think that's pretty final! He has made decisions in our marriage that have deeply affected our lives and the stability and I have forgiven him, I also have a long term health problem which he supports me with. There is an awful lot more to it than I have described but I am stubborn and dont want to give up. I feel unloved (even though I'm not), unwanted, unattractive, and undesired. Maybe tge problem lies with me but many friends have observed his indifference towards me. I have had many friends in social occasions say "why doesn't he pay you any attention?" . It really isn't simple!

MaryMarthame,
The only good suggestion I could offer you is this , if you not happy and you have to go outside your marriage to be happy. Then you have a tough thing to think about Stay Married or Not. It is not fair to him that your running around on him. I feel you pain trust me I do but you don't want him to find out nor feel very upset. You would not want this done to you. Just do what is right either you talk to him about how you feel , what you want and then give it some time to see what he does with what you said to him. Or you can walk away but atleast you walk away with your head held high becuase you are not having affairs on him . Good luck hope this helps. I hope and pray you talk to him and he hears you loud and clear ... You guys might need to just talk and spice things up ... Him do what you want and you do what he wants - do this as a couple.. Good Luck

Well, it's not fair to HEr that he broke the vows first by pushing her away! WHY do these "anti-cheating" morons flood out of the woodwork whenever someone publishes a story like this?

I agree with real. She has a decision to make not assumptions like some other comments.