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Marriage Therapist Discussion

We discussed alot about how i feel stressed at work to come home to more stress and no stress relief. We agreed that sex was the ultimate stress reliever. We talk about my wifes past and her current job as a nurse. He figured out that shes stressed her self and needs some of her stress taken out of her hands. The only thing i can do to take away some her stress is clean the house.

So here's what i'm going to do. I'm going to keep as much of the house clean as possible. I'm not going to ask her for sex so she doesn't feel pressured. I'll see how long i can keep that up. If this doesn't work, i'm all out of options. The only thing i want in life is a wife to want me, want me as in honey come home because i want you now. I can't remember the last time i was wanted sexually. I'm only wanted to life heavy things and take out the trash.

You women wonder why we look to other women for affection when we have you at home. Simple, it's because we can't read minds. We don't know you want us, we have to hear it and feel it physically. If there's something that's bothering you and preventing you from wanting us sexually and expressing it, then tell us. Tell us what bothers you and the reason your not having sex more is because of it.

Eastandunderstand Eastandunderstand 26-30, M 5 Responses Dec 4, 2012

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This group is generally quite tolerant to mischief so I'll throw out a bait. Some may even find truth in it. If a man needs to get rid of stress, he can do that very well by having sex. A women needs to be not stressed first to even contemplate sex. There are some exceptions. At this point there is no further danger that I will have sex with my wife ever again, but just typing that sequence of words raised my cortisol and blood pressure.

Clean the house and not bother her for sex you say. She really will have it made. You would do well to read the story i posted a couple of days ago called The Excuses We Make.

It actually covers your theory of men cleaning the house to alleviate stress for their partners. It is a big no no, but read for yourself i am sure you will find it informative.

Stay Strong & Good Luck

Frustrated, you really DO make me crazy! Your whole theory of "accountability" as you call it, drives me NUTS!! "TAKE AWAY HER CAR IF SHE WON'T HAVE SEX WITH ME!!" Smacks of prostitution, no?
For me, as woman, having my man actually, spontaneously, take some burden off my shoulders, OUT OF LOVE is a HUGE turn on. On the other hand, if my man said I will take away some of the stuff I have given you if you won't **** me??? OUT THE DOOR...I have WAY too much self esteem to endure being turned into a prostitute for a Beemer....or even a blender....especially by a man who CLAIMS to "love" me?? yuck

This aint about me its about Brother East & Understand. Have you actually read my story? It covers bothes genders refusive man and refusive woman.

If you take off your Fema Nazi Sunglasses off long enough to realise that in most scenarios the more you do the more you are abused.
And as for your statement of being thrilled if a guy did that for you most normal women would be.

We are refering to dysfunctional Narcissict or Passive Aggresive Types.

So take your prostitution claims and blow them out your a...ss. When people marry it is to engage in se..x as well. Not to be used as a meal ticket, babysitter, maid, etc.

Telling one to stand up for themselves against an abusive partner and yes witholding sex is a form of abuse is not as bad as you make it out to be.

Hey Guess WHAT? I DID read your story and SO many previous ones. THAT's why I can NOT tolerate your viewpoint. It is literally shocking to me that more women do not stand up to you here, but whatever. The idea that you get your wife to have sex with you because if she WON'T you will take away her Beemer is ABHORRENT (look it up)! Even in marriage, exchanging STUFF (or access to stuff) for sex equals prostitution. I truly feel for your poor wife, who loves her STUFF enough to take your "bargain"...GREAT! She keeps the keys to the car if she ***** you x times a month!! but that is NOT what love and sex is supposed to be about. Do you not get that?!?!
And do you not also get that YOU may be the "abusive partner"???

You have no idea what you are talking about. We have both sat down and realised that we both have faults and we have both made compromises. Thats what adults do. Your just a Fema Nazi twisting issues cuase you obviously have a hatred of men.

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That's alll your therapist came up with? Or was it you who decided that house cleaning (yet again) was the way to help reduce your spouse's stress so shhe'd want to have sex wiith you? If there is no desire for you, you could keep the floors so clean you could eat off them and you still won't be having sexual intimacy with your spouse.

House cleaning is a great stress reliever for the one that cleans. Good for you even if you are single.

-----" I'm going to keep as much of the house clean as possible. I'm not going to ask her for sex so she doesn't feel pressured."

Your comment from your previous story: -----" One time I tried to clean everything for a week and not pressure her for sex. Nothing came out of it."

I am wondering why you keep doing the same thing over and over again and expect different results!!

This clean house thing is a diversion to the real issue. Because if the lack of intimacy was due to a cleaning issue, then hiring a housekeeper (you did mention your earnings) would resolve the issue right away.

But you already know that no matter how clean you keep the house not a darn thing is going to change with respect to intimacy.

Your biggest challenge is to accept that reality.

It is your perfect right to **** about chasing "why" your missus is intimacy averse to you. You will likely find out all sorts of interesting theories and attitudes over the next couple of years as you undertake this research.
You will likely become expert on things like "passive aggression" and other such maladies.
And at the end of your search, she will exhibit the same refusive behaviours as exist right now. And, you'll then have to scrub her, because YOU can't fix it.

You could save yourself a couple of years by recognising here and nows behaviour on her part is the authentic her and ain't going to change, and scrub her now.

Depends really on whether you have a couple of years to **** about on your research or not.

Tread your own path.