I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Here We Are Again..... Standing On The Edge Of The Cliff.....

By: nuttymontgomery

Written on December 5th, 2012

Ok...So, if you were standing on the edge of a steep cliff, could not move away from it, and knew that at any moment, would be plummetting to your doom....what, do you suppose, would possibly be going through your mind?

For me, I believe, the first thought would be of my daughter, what I wish I had said to her, etc.

The next thing I think of, as I sit here with my eyes closed, trying to imagine this scenario?
My missed opportunities...my "what if" moments that just became that, because I didn't choose to act on them...
-what if- I had learned to pole dance, the ***** tease, and other fun things that may have made my husband spend quality time with me....Or..maybe they wouldn't have any effect and he would think I had lost my marbles even attempting to learn those things.. Or, I would just fall off the pole and crack my skull..which, sounds quite likely, for me...

-what if- I acted on my impulses and had the reckless affair?....would I have gotten caught?..would I have left my marriage for that person, or become wild and crazy? Had all the nieghbors "guarding" their husbands, thanks to my new, awful reputation?
Or, would I have gotten a disease that I couldn't wash off, even with Clorox?

Anyway....Life is about CHOICES, isn't it?... We all have our OWN choices to make..So, choose wisely. Because, when you fall and hit the bottom, don't forget, that's not the true END. You may open your eyes and discover there are worse things than this life we live....

(This is just the beginning of my thoughts, as the New Year approaches.... be thinking of your resolutions!...I will be) : >

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By: nuttymontgomery

Age: 41-45 , Female

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55 responses

pieante

Being crazy is not the bottom. As you stated, and the view from down here is fantastic! See you this year on the way up! You have a groovy new year!

Jan 20
2 likes
pieante

The what if 's haunt me. I think running off becoming crazy is a delightful idea! I did that once: it was invigorating! Never had any misgivings about doing it. It was well worth the risk. I'll try almost anything once! Twice if it's fun! Take the leap; don't wait to fall. Leaping gives you a choice as to what you land on. Instead of falling with no choice at all. That's my opinion I could be wrong?

Dec 18, 2012
2 likes
- nuttymontgomery
  I've always been more of a "look before you leap" kinda person..Lol...
  It does tend to put a damper on things...maybe I will change...you never know
  
  Dec 18, 2012
  1 like
1OHD

Nutty, you've done an excellent job of laying out the choices that we face everyday whether we're in a sexless marriage or not. And all have their consequences. It's amazing how our emotions can override our will & intellect and cause us to make the expedient choice over the right choice. Looking forward to reading more of your thoughts on the upcoming year! HD

Dec 9, 2012
3 likes
- nuttymontgomery
  Thank you, 10! You said it perfectly..."how our emotions can override our will and intellect"... And, hopefully, our new years will be full of better choices! : >
  
  Dec 9, 2012
  1 like
- 1OHD
  yes, with our emotions, will and intellect all in sync!
  
  Dec 9, 2012
  1 like
ambroseguy80

Love the doomsday approach here, nutty!!!

Dec 8, 2012
2 likes
LynnLee828

nutty girl! its funny you mentioned POLE..hahaha..I told my husband a few years ago I was going to start a dance class as church were all the women learned how to pole dance and make their husbands happy. Of course I was only giving him a hard time NO pun intended as I was actually starting a zumba class. HE WAS HORRIFIED at the thought of me even buying the dvd teaching tools for the pole class!
Now that our marriage has made this MIRACULOUS turn around I asked him what I could do to make sex more fun for him or things he would like me to do to him..know what he said? "you could put up that pole in our bedroom you've always wanted" LOL
I THINK HE WAS JOKING BUT I MIGHT JUST SURPRISE HIM! hehehehhehee..

Dec 7, 2012
3 likes
- pamelamc
  Interesting idea. Wouldn't be opposed to trying it, but I'd likely break my neck.
  
  Dec 7, 2012
  1 like
- LynnLee828
  LOL... I hear ya pamela!
  
  Dec 7, 2012
  1 like
- nuttymontgomery
  Haha...Pamela! ..and Lynn.... I'd be about as graceful a pole-dancer as Jamie Lee Curtis was in "True Lies" !...love the part when she falls off of the bedpost.. : >
  
  Dec 7, 2012
  1 like
- LynnLee828
  Nutty...I would SO BE like Jamie Lee Curtis as well..but it would be fun and shocking dont you think! I love that movie! :)
  
  Dec 8, 2012
  1 like
- pamelamc
  That is a good movie. I would fall flat on my butt, but it does sound interesting.
  Maybe I'll Google and find me a class. Mwah, ha, ha, ha.
  
  Dec 8, 2012
  1 like
- LynnLee828
  MWWAHHH HA HAHAA! *chanting* GO PAMELA GO PAMELA!!!!! HAHAHAA
  
  Dec 8, 2012
  1 like
- LynnLee828
  hehehehehee..."bow-chick-a-bow-wow" ;) lol Im getting the giggles now! lol
  
  Dec 8, 2012
  1 like
- 1OHD
  well, it's none of my business Lynn, but if I were you & had suffered as much as you have, I'd get that pole installed asap. You may finally have gotten him to open up and be honest with you after all these years. Why risk it? I'd take his response literal and meet his request. After all, you asked. And once it's up do you really think he'd want you to take it down? No way! [what I would give, if my wife asked me what you asked him. He is such a fortunate and blessed man to have you, Lynn!]
  
  Dec 8, 2012
  1 like
- LynnLee828
  Thanks 10..so right..now..where does one find a pole in the hills of AR? lol
  Think this will be an internet search..Im sure I dont have the link anymore! ;)
  
  Dec 8, 2012
  1 like
- 1OHD
  I met someone on here from Florida (she's not on here any more) who had been pole dancing for years & she had some amazing abs as a result. She mentioned one time you could find one for around $100 or so, depending on the composition of the pole. I'm sure you can find one online, and just in time for Christmas!
  
  Dec 8, 2012
  1 like
- LynnLee828
  ITS A PLAN...you have come up with some good plans for me today! Thanks 10. xx
  
  Dec 8, 2012
  1 like
- 1OHD
  You are welcome Lynn! Just call me the "Helpful Hound"! (jk)
  
  Dec 8, 2012
  1 like
- 1OHD
  It just occurred to me that there are probably a lot of marriages in your church that could benefit from installing a pole in their homes, too. New ministry opportunity for ya!
  
  Dec 8, 2012
  1 like
- LynnLee828
  lol...i did try and spice the women up with zumba, but they would surely burn me at the stake for bringing out a pole! lol
  
  Dec 8, 2012
  1 like
- 1OHD
  Publicly perhaps, individually and privately, not a chance!
  
  Dec 8, 2012
  1 like
- LynnLee828
  oh yes..what I do in my bd room is nobody's business! I was just trying to imagine how that announcement would go 'Starting a new ladies fitness class...POLE Dancing" IF ONLY you knew the resistance I got to ZUMBA! I had crazies bringing me files on how Zumba was of the devil! lol We still did ZUMBA!
  
  Dec 8, 2012
  1 like
- 1OHD
  I don't doubt it in the least. There is always someone in opposition to dancing in any form, yet they're quite when reading the Psalms about David and his dance offering to the Lord in the OT. This kind of hypocrisy in evangelical churches is why their membership is down to all time lows. People like consistency in their religious instruction and application, not traditions or personal preferences that have been handed down for years without scriptural basis or "just because we've always done it that way" kind of narrow thinking. Now I'm not sure you could justify "Zumba" from a scriptural standpoint, but if your "motive" was to improve your health and appearance, and it wasn't done in a co-ed class, and you didn't do exhibitions publicly down on the town square to flaunt your results, then I don't think there is anything wrong with it. But, if you were going to criticize this activity, then you most certainly have to go into the public schools, colleges and universities, and discontinue cheerleading and drill & dance teams, or at the very least, remove those who participate in such from your church roll. What those groups do publicly nowadays cannot even be compared with Zumba in a closed setting. I'm glad you stood up to the "controllers" in your church.
  
  Dec 8, 2012
  1 like
- LynnLee828
  10..Is been a "tough row to hoe" standing up the to Controllers..they tried to "run us out of town on a rail" this past summer with deceitful fabrications and lies. They lost! WOMP! Go God and His purposes!
  They dont like that we dont do things 'the old way", or by "tradition" ick!
  I had no idea I wasnt allowed to wear jeans on Sunday morning as the worship leader! LOL And a zillion other complaints as frivolous as that! Guess what? NOW THE WHOLE BAND WEARS JEANS! LOL..BUT this convo is for another forum I suppose! LOL
  Our Zumba Class was WOMEN ONLY (for FUN EXERCISE AND HEALTH) although we did have a few men inquire! lol I might just use some of my zumba moves if I ever go on another cruise and go out dancing...oh for shame..pastors dancing! *shhhsh* ;)
  
  Dec 8, 2012
  1 like
- 1OHD
  I'll never tell. Have fun!
  
  Dec 8, 2012
  1 like
- pamelamc
  I can see it now...poles in the church fellowship hall.
  Lynn, you are so lucky to be able to wear jeans to church. That would give the Baptists a heart attack. My H is trying to get that changed in our church. He is tired of wearing the suit and tie also.
  
  Dec 8, 2012
  1 like
- 1OHD
  The "dress down" look like most every thing else gets taken to the extreme by our staff & Levi could start a factory in the congregation. I for one do not like the look. It's ok to "dress down" on the Lord's Day, but they wear suits & ties to funerals & weddings. It's a lack of reverence in my mind, and yes I know I hold a minority view. BTW, my church is Baptist. So the secret is out!
  
  Dec 8, 2012
  1 like
- nuttymontgomery
  You guys are HILARIOUS!! Omg... I never thought ZUMBA would cause a cry for embroidering a scarlett letter on your...forehead..haha... or, wearing Jeans, would evoke wanting to boot you out the church doors! That's sad...
  Now...how many "Hail Mary"'s will we need to do, for the pole dance??...I'm not Catholic, just wondering...hmmmm : >
  
  Dec 8, 2012
  1 like
- LynnLee828
  Nutty, that question will have to wait on C for a reply! He could probably tell us! lol
  
  Dec 8, 2012
  1 like
- nuttymontgomery
  LMAO!! Ohhhh, ok!! : >
  
  Dec 8, 2012
  1 like
- pamelamc
  Getting ready for church and I'm wearing pants (not jeans though). Hubby is going to try preaching with no tie. Wish him luck. Lol
  
  Dec 9, 2012
  1 like
- LynnLee828
  pamela! I will think of him. So sad people have to be stuck in traditions of men, rather than focus on what GOD IS DOING IN THE SERVICE rather than what people wear.
  C...you are hilarious. Nutty and I knew you would help us out on the Hail Mary's!
  
  Dec 9, 2012
  1 like
- nuttymontgomery
  Lynn, you knew just who to ask!! Thanks!!...
  And, thank you, Mr C, for enabling us to continue to show our faces...after the pole dance...even though I may be in a wheelchair, showing my face ...So, 4 Hail Mary's...hmmm... that's not so bad!...
  Pamela, please let us know if your H has been kicked to the curb, after this morning...Lol ..Hope not!
  
  Dec 9, 2012
  1 like
- pamelamc
  Well, not kicked to the curb, but he got some comments. All from 70+ year old ladies. The men didn't care, nor did the younger people. Go figure.
  He looked quite nice actually with a black silk shirt and jacket. Kinda like a priest without the white collar.
  
  Dec 9, 2012
  1 like
- pamelamc
  And yes, I did find where there is pole dancing class near me. He he.
  
  Dec 9, 2012
  1 like
- LynnLee828
  Thanks for updating us on the service. I was thinking about you guys and wondering how it went.
  My husband wears a jacket..with his jeans and tshirt on Easter. lol His idea of dressing up. Of course it wasnt always this way. We were dressed to the NINES IN THE 90. When we moved to the Pacific NW and to England we relaxed...thank God...FREEDOM from hose, and beaded dresses! lol
  IS THERE REALLY A POLE DANCING CLASS NEAR YOU? I am so jealous! lol
  Have a great day..and yes C told me his Catholic background so I knew he could help us.
  
  Dec 9, 2012
  1 like
27 More Replies
NWFLMan

Life is also about initial impression. Mine:
You must be hella fun at a New Years eve party.
I decided long ago to not leave things unsaid - but I have not done so well in my SM as compared to the other part of my life. Not sure exactly why. Maybe the stakes are higher than in other areas.

Dec 7, 2012
3 likes
- nuttymontgomery
  I'm sure it does depend on the stakes...you say more to the person who doesn't hold your life in their hands... understandable.
  Also, (as, surely, you weren't implying otherwise, Mr. NWFLman) I am quite fun at new year's eve parties...tyvm... : >
  
  Dec 7, 2012
  1 like
- anastasiagrey
  LOL!!
  
  Dec 8, 2012
  1 like
soulrunher

It can always be worse, yes but it doesn't have to be and we don't have to settle for unhappiness. We all have choices and it just depends on so many things what choice we make. Good luck in making yours.

Dec 6, 2012
3 likes
bobrido

Dealing with what ifs all the time means you're stuck in the past. In order to progress forward, you need to learn from the past, tread carefully right now, and use your life lessons for the future.

Dec 5, 2012
3 likes
- nuttymontgomery
  Good advice, bo!
  
  Dec 6, 2012
  1 like
smithy8015

nutty, the new year (and accompanying resolutions) has (have?) been on my mind of late. two quotes I have up on the overheads at my desk: "we cannot become what we need without changing what we are" (paraphrased) - Max Dupree; and "forget the past. No one ever became successful in the past"--Josh Billings (I think). point being, bazz has it, we are all inclined to introspection and what ifs. but each of us here is on a journey--I like the idea that be it crab like, sideways, meandering, we are moving. in *some* direction. something I've said numerous times to folks in times when they (we, I) question choices: life doesn't come with an instruction manual with the answers in it. we all do the best we can, with what we know, at each moment. can tell you; if you take up pole dancing, do it cause it looks like fun to you. take care of YOU. xo

Dec 5, 2012
2 likes
- smithy8015
  just for giggles: one of my coworkers (I am a vegetarian for umpteen years) left a new quote up for me to find yesterday morning "eat more BACON!!" -- some awesome guy. I busted a gut laughing when I saw it yesterday. :)
  
  Dec 5, 2012
  1 like
- nuttymontgomery
  That's hilarious!! And, I love the quotes, smithy! : >
  
  Dec 6, 2012
  1 like
hl42

There's a notion I've found liberating - I think it's from Buddhism - that I heard in an Alan Watts talk.
Basically, the idea is that we have all fallen off a cliff and are heading to our certain demise - that's life. And the liberating thing I've found about it is "enjoying the view", and making most of our time, maybe not sweating the small stuff. And more prepared to do pole dancing - though I doubt many would wish to witness my rendition!

Dec 5, 2012
6 likes
- nuttymontgomery
  oH, HAHA! C'mon, now... the pole is just there... we choose to jump on it and act like monkeys, or not...
  I don't really make resolutions anymore, but, I'm not getting any younger...would like to do many things before I'm officially old. I think that's what this was about.
  Thanks!
  
  Dec 6, 2012
  1 like
theremustbeawayout

Lately I've been waxing morose about my age, previous life circumstances, and outcomes. When this happens, I try to objectively review the circumstances of my choices. Each choice was made with the best information possible at the time, made within the context of my faculties at the moment. I am not the same person now that I was then (whenever "then" was), and I cannot go back to remake old decisions. All I can do is make sure I don't continue to make choices that I now see are poor ones, or ones that I know will not work to best advantage. Over the broad sweep of life, things have definitely moved towards the better. Maybe I'm not Moses, but progress has clearly been made in being Zushya. In the end, that's pretty good.

Dec 5, 2012
5 likes
- nuttymontgomery
  Thanks for your reply, tmbawo!
  And....that's a good point.... one that I think about a lot now.
  I am not a risk taker, never have been... my H always fusses bc most of my retirement is in the "fixed" bracket... Lol!
  
  Dec 6, 2012
  1 like
Mrperfectstranger

And the point of it being YOUR own decision, YOUR choice is paramount because there won't be anyone there when YOU jump, and YOU land because its only going to be YOU to pick YOURSELF up

Dec 5, 2012
3 likes
- nuttymontgomery
  YES!! Decisions, decisions.... we all have them to make.
  Thanks!
  
  Dec 6, 2012
  1 like
bazzar

I will put the propostion up, that there would not have been - and is not now - one person in the world who did not at some point play "what if".
It will range from the death row prisoner who wonders "what if I hadn't pulled that trigger", all the way to the Leader of some nation who wonders "what if I hadn't studied at school and gone partying instead".
"What ifs" are not just the province of negatives. ("What if I had (not) done X, then my life might now be way better"). It also applies to the "What if I had done Y, then my life would now be way worse".
It is all hypothesis. Unproven theory.
Personally, I have been known to think "what if I had not got out of my shithole marriage ?" *shudder*
I tend to think that in moments of introspection, one will regret the things one did NOT do, far more than the things one DID do.
If you are DOING something, you are moving forward. It might be crab like, sideways to the true direction, it may meander left and right, but inexorably, you go forward.
If you are doing NOTHING, then you are going nowhere.
Looking back (apart from when this is a part of challenging self examination as part of the forward progress) does NOT count as "doing something".
Tread your own path.

Dec 5, 2012
5 likes
- nuttymontgomery
  "If you are doing NOTHING, you are going nowhere"... I will tape that above my desk at work, I like that alot, Bazzar..
  Also, I'm glad that by your treading your own path, you found some peace...may we all do the same..
  Thanks
  
  Dec 8, 2012
  1 like

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