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Shhhhh.....a Sacred Moment

I am in the process of divorce
after 35 years of marriage.......
struggling through
forgiving,
acceptance, and
healing...
my oldest son,
flew home from California
to pack up his stuff ...
and move across country.
yesterday he finished packing the car and
came up to say goodbye....
bittersweet...
so proud of his courage
he's clean and sober...no longer in the process of dying....
but this mama's heart is going to miss his presence...
J, my soon to be ex and i had a moment
when we looked into each other's hearts 
and said at the same time...
"i am so thankfull"...tears again filling my eyes....
he mentioned G had left his
Sea World hat in his bedroom on his nightstand....
memories flooded me as i remembered the lil 5 year old
who, because of a tv show.....could move and be "real"
only when the hat was on,
when it was removed...he became a mannequin...
so symbolic...so intimate....choosing that lil hat to leave
when sooo much went in trash bags.....
in my heart i heard
"dad/mom...i am fully ready to leave my childhood,
i am ready to fly......i am whole again
healthy again...and no longer looking behind me
with the hounds of war, horror and addiction behind me...
Thank you for all you've done.....i will never forget"
you, the reader may say i have the imagination
to "see" so much in that lil simpleact....
nope....just a son's heart speaking to mine...
so often we "see" only the obvious....when 
we may be missing the sacred.....messages from the heart...


clgsassy clgsassy 56-60, F 11 Responses Dec 5, 2012

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Was so nice....time moves too fast.

the older i get...
the faster it flies
yep...it does
joyinthe journey, clg

*whispers* Though our children grow up and leave, they are and always will be our children. The way we love each other may changes, but the love is always there. You're on hecka of a mother, a woman and a person, Connie and I am so glad to be your friend :)

ahhhhhhhh...
my pleasure to be considered a friend...
ya, it is....

A man's reaction....a father's, may be different, no less poignant or touching...just expressed differently, quiet pride, a touch of envy as a son begins his journey with the vigor of youth, and a bit of trepidation for the challenges that lie ahead. Well done mother! Not all can communicate heart to heart with their child.

Wow- talk about touching and beautiful. I am so envious- for many reasons; first for both you and your son overcoming hurdles and problems and coming out healthy and happy. Second I too have been married 35 years and although I am not as far in ending my marriage, each day indicates I am closer and closer to that.

Keep the faith; love and be proud of your son and yourself. You are an inspiration.

Wow...
how did i miss
some of these responses.....?
thank you so much
for your kindness....
from one mama's heart...
to another...
joyinthejourney, clg
you will just "know"
when that door opens....
just keep your faith..
and walk on through...
see?
no worries...
difficult?
yep
painful?
yep
devastating?
some moments....
If God be for you
and He opens that door...
trust your gut
when you recognize
"the truth shall set
you(and many around you)
FREE!

Thanks for this- after 3 days of constant crying I needed some support.

Makes me cry. Every year that goes by, I proudly witness the kinds of adults my children are growing up to become. I hug them and encourage them when they are down, applaud wildly after a performance, and once in a while, kick their butts when they know better.

It's only later, in the dark, that I allow a few tears to fall, grieving the child I once knew...

I wonder what things they will leave behind, the memory forgotten, but not by me....
:-)

Reading this brought a tear to my eye. It's so very intimate and personal, and for me quite poignant. My own "last day" looms just around the corner, and though I think that I am ready for it, I know that it will be no less hurtful. I have spent almost half my life, and certainly my very best years, married to this one woman and surrounded by five great kids. At a time when I had expected to be curled up on a couch with her, as grandkids scurried about, she is about to leave forever. I will not watch her stir pots in the kitchen, laughing with daughters-in-law, as I sit with my sons watching the holiday games. I will not have her here to hear about my day with our sons-in-law while she stayed home to visit with our daughter's, home for the holidays. And I will not have her snuggled tight to my body on a cold winters night as we drift off into a dreamy lovers slumber. But I haven't had that for many years now, to be honest, yet despite that harsh reality, the fantasy remains. I long for what was and should be, though I know it never will. I do know where you are right now. Just look over your shoulder. I'm right behind you.

wow...
speechless...

One by one, my children have left. Now just one son left, and I know when he gets a job (recent college grad), he too will be gone. He is ready. His 2 older brothers each left random things. Sometimes they come searching for things to take back to their homes. My middle son recently took the game "Hungry Hungry Hippos"...no, he is not married nor does he have children! He just wanted to play with his friends...BTW: He is 27! LOL!
I am so glad your son is doing well. Parenting on a good day is difficult enough.
I am also happy that you are brave enough to make the leap to start a new life. I am not there yet.

I am so glad your son is well and thriving .. Gives me hope for my own sons!

Where there is love...
there remains hope
at times an ember
other times
a
blazing
fire...
but Hope, nonetheless
joyinthejourney, clg

Not all memories are meant to be tossed and totally forgotten. Not all memories are full of tears. So collect those special moments, sacttered about like diamonds, and tuck them away,close to your heart, where they will be safe, always remembered, always cherished......for forever.

You have deeply touched my heart. My own son has faced many demons and overcome them too. It is a time of rejoicing and a time for looking back over the years, remembering those "heart in mouth" moments and wondering how any of you managed to get through it.
Keep that Sea World hat safe . . . another generation may yet want to wear it!! {{{hugs}}}

ALWAYS...
now has become
a beautiful...
intimate...
priceless object....

beautiful. here's wishing you & your son both the best in your newly emerging lives. xo

Thank you
for your kind words...
words are so powerful...
some cut right to one's soul...
yep, and hope springs
anew