I Live In a Sexless Marriage

I Have A Headache Is Real!

By: Changewilldoyougood

Written on December 5th, 2012

I am almost two years out of my SM (my God, has it been that long???)

I am in a new relationship with a man who has turned out to be a very sweet, attentive, considerate and giving man.

One day recently when things were getting a little hot between us leading up to round 2 or 3 that day he suddenly stopped. He made a face, rubbed his forehead and said "I am sorry, I just had a headache come on." We stopped and I brought him some water and stroked his back for a little while. He fell asleep in less than 3 minutes of having his back rubbed. His breathing changed and I knew he was out, so I flipped off the light and fell asleep myself.

I didn't put too much thinking to it but a little of me was apprehensive. I've heard the excuses - "I'm tired", "I have a headache", "my stomach hurts", "the moon is too full tonight", "what will the pets think if they hear us?" - a few too many times in my SM not to feel somewhat jaded about it. But my goal is to not make this relationship pay for the sins of the past one(s), so I let it go, snuggled up with him and fell asleep.

It was much to my groggy amazement when he woke up feeling better a few hours later and picked right back up right where we left off.

Interesting... sometimes you can really have a headache and it makes you not want sex right then but - here's the shocker - you still want it later when you feel better. Did you guys know that?

;-)

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By: Changewilldoyougood

Age: 31-35 , Female

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17 responses

flyingstone

It is hard to forge ahead when there have been so many headache episodes in the past. However, as you have basically stated, our past does not have to be our future.

Dec 24, 2012
1 like
konaprincess

Lucky! I want a man who says what he means!!

Dec 8, 2012
1 like
Changewilldoyougood

I felt a little like I was discovering Santa Claus does exist. You hear stories so often about something but you never have proof... Until you do. :-)
Of course I do know that we all have days when we genuinely aren't in the mood... But I've also learned that some people are just full of excuses. But sometimes, a headache is just a headache.
He DOES exist. :-)

Dec 5, 2012
2 likes
Frustrated1978

This is a normal outcome in a normal relationship. How does it feel to be in a normal relationship?
I bet it feels fantastic.
Stay Strong & Good Luck

Dec 5, 2012
2 likes
tthetree

Of course we know that (and that's why we knew our spouses were lying...).

Dec 5, 2012
1 like
- Changewilldoyougood
  This post was meant as a playful and lighthearted look at brainwashing we experience. I hope we all DO know that the excuses aren't real. But at the same time I think we must not always believe that... Or why would we put up with it so much without assertively changing the parameters of the relationship because of the BS excuses?
  
  Dec 5, 2012
  1 like
- tthetree
  And my comment was meant lightheartedly too.
  I honestly don't know why I put up with things as long as I did. I did think she genuinely was struggling with inner turmoil. Now I have a bit more perspective, I see it differently - it was, I guess, just a more sophisticated version of having a 'headache'. Sadly I've come to believe what she was doing more to do with control and manipulation than anything else, and I feel a bit of an idiot for allowing myself to be gamed like that...
  
  Dec 5, 2012
  1 like
Kimstarway

Change, I'm so happy you have a great bf now :)
I know that little sting backflash that tries to make you overreact. It will go away, I bet it will, it will take time.
P.S. Sex stops headaches. I tested that theory. It really works ;) Might not cure it but does better than headache meds lol

Dec 5, 2012
1 like
- Changewilldoyougood
  Hi Kim! Yes he is a great guy and, in fact, my bf lives in your neck of town.
  Maybe we can meet for drinks one of these days since I'm out by you so often nowadays.
  
  Dec 5, 2012
  1 like
loopnscc

Happened to me once, not so much sex, but dinner and life in general. I had let it get to bad and even the first round of pain relief meds didn't help, but my GF said, go to bed and sleep it off, you will feel better. I was shocked, my EX would have told me to suck it up and just help her with the kids. Two people two attitudes, glad I am with the GF.

Dec 5, 2012
2 likes
Fienchanny

Not yet...but I'd sure like to find out!

Dec 5, 2012
2 likes
- Changewilldoyougood
  Well... Surely since you're nursing a c-o-l-d (not to be mistaken for c-h-i-l-d) you have a headache...? Sounds like the perfect time to experiment.
  
  Dec 5, 2012
  1 like
enna30

Change, your story gives me a huge smile! From time to time one (or both) of us will have a "not in the mood" feeling or a genuine reason (headache, etc) for not wanting sex. But we are both supremely confident that it is "of the moment" and is NOT a serious portent of sexlessness!! How gratifying, freeing and cool is that? Welcome to our "new normal" world!! {{{hugs}}}

Dec 5, 2012
1 like
pamelamc

The first 16 years of our marriage the "I have a headache" speech was real. Years 17-20 have turned into a permanant headache though. Of course we don't always feel in the mood. Nothing bad about a"rain check" every now and then. Glad things are going well.

Dec 5, 2012
1 like
maryryan

Maybe Thor has a remedy that will help a man with a 17-year headache?

Dec 5, 2012
3 likes
- Petrushka
  I am sure that Thor's hammer would fix that headache for good.
  
  Dec 5, 2012
  1 like
- Changewilldoyougood
  I think Thor would say after 17-years of something causing continual pain, perhaps it should be amputated. Of course, he would say it in his Swedish accent which somehow makes bad news easier to hear. :-)
  
  Dec 5, 2012
  1 like

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