I Live In a Sexless Marriage
I read a lot. Not for fun unfortunately, but to try and figure it all out (won't repeat the familiar situation at home that everyone else is expiriencing in this forum).
Sometimes there are lines that really strike home. A day or two I ran into one that seemed to nail it on the head.
"Can you remember what is was like before your self-worth was tied, and entirely determined by your partner?"
Hell yes I can. God, I used to be so confident. So strong. I gave love just as openly and genuinely as I TRY to give now to my wife, only if I was NEVER effected by other's opinions of me. I knew who I was, I knew my strenghts.... I was happy.
So, to the subject of this post.... when in the hell did this happen??? When did I become so god-awful dependant? Why did I grant this person so much infinate power over my own preception of my value?
...and here's the catch-22 of the whole thing. Wouldn't you be turned off by some sappy, simpering, nagging jerk who insisted constantly that they need love, they need affection, blah blah blah.. God, that's how I see myself sometimes. She doesn't show it, I feel like crap and try harder to get it, which makes me look even sappier and weaker, which certainly isn't an attractive quality, which makes it harder for her to genuinely show she's attracted... what a vicious circle.
I keep thinking if I knew how, when and why the hell I let this happen, it would give me a clue on how to break out of this disgusting, layered, laquered smothering sense of no self-worth without a pat on the head from her.... you know?
Sometimes there are lines that really strike home. A day or two I ran into one that seemed to nail it on the head.
"Can you remember what is was like before your self-worth was tied, and entirely determined by your partner?"
Hell yes I can. God, I used to be so confident. So strong. I gave love just as openly and genuinely as I TRY to give now to my wife, only if I was NEVER effected by other's opinions of me. I knew who I was, I knew my strenghts.... I was happy.
So, to the subject of this post.... when in the hell did this happen??? When did I become so god-awful dependant? Why did I grant this person so much infinate power over my own preception of my value?
...and here's the catch-22 of the whole thing. Wouldn't you be turned off by some sappy, simpering, nagging jerk who insisted constantly that they need love, they need affection, blah blah blah.. God, that's how I see myself sometimes. She doesn't show it, I feel like crap and try harder to get it, which makes me look even sappier and weaker, which certainly isn't an attractive quality, which makes it harder for her to genuinely show she's attracted... what a vicious circle.
I keep thinking if I knew how, when and why the hell I let this happen, it would give me a clue on how to break out of this disgusting, la
By:
RandDannesk
Age:
46-50
,
Male
10
responses
