It's Been A While..

I've been away for EP for some time now. I took an absense because I was tired of saying the same thing. I chose my screen name therapyfor me because that is what EP is for me, free therapy for me. In this time I realized how much sharing my thoughts (good or bad) has been for me and that not sharing was like bottling it all up inside.

I've had a lot of changes happen in my life this year. Some were good and some were very painful. Among the painful is the reality that not much if anything has changed in our marriage. I feel no more compelled to leave now than I did a year ago. It almost seems easier to stay than it does to leave. I keep trying to get my heart to accept things as they are but my mind is the only one convinced, my heart refuses.

I turned 38 a couple months back and I keep telling myself, "I'm way too young and have too much life left in me to settle". Again, my mind is convinced but my heart refuses.

therapyforme therapyforme
36-40, F
5 Responses Dec 6, 2012

It is a journey for each one of us. The time it takes to travel is uniqe to each of us. And the destination will differ from person to person. You are your own tour guide. When (if) you find yourself feeling increasingly frustrated about the time your journey is taking OR the apparent destination, THEN you will do something to change it.

If you can distract yourself by looking at scenery or getting involved in local activities, and thus ignore the real journey for awhile, then you are likely to dawdle along as you are for an unknown period of time.

OTOH if your journey leads you to sitting in the gutter feeling sorry for yourself, chances are you will choose to expedite your journey in some way . . . .

Only YOU can make these choices.

I think I am you! LOL. I'm 39 and in the same boat. I have, however, decided on a plan even though it involves me finishing school and waiting until my kids are a bit older. It's NOT easy to make major life decisions. Don't get down on yourself. I also come here for support. Who else understands?

There is no rule-book that says "you have to leave".

The recognition that your marriage is dead in the water does not necessitate a headlong rush for the exit if that is not a good fit for you at this time.

The recognition that your marriage is dead in the water allows you to re-prioritise your life. You can abandon any effort of working on "us" because there is no "us", plus you can cease "why chasing", and you can direct your thinking into what is in YOUR best interests, and make informed choices on that basis.
It is highly likely that doing this will end up with you formalising the end of the marriage as a consequence as events unfold. A "by product" of your process of embracing your authentic self.

Tread your own path.

Indeed this group is a good place for support and therapy. Rest assured no matter what decisions you make this group will be here to support you.

Stay Strong & Good Luck

I feel the same way about EP, great place! I was going through the acceptance part last year, and my turning point was that to deal with accepting it I found myself on 3 medications for depression, anxiety, and always tired. Then turned 39, and told myself I will not start the next decade of my life with this problem...