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And There It Is....

Well, so I didn't see that coming necessarily.  Therapy appt, to start discussing separation.  We talk...  And W blurts out "I'm done".  She has had it with my negativity and cynicism.  It cuts her to the core....  She was crying and emotional, then I was asked how I would feel if the decision was made for me.  Didn't know how to answer that, but apparently don't need to cause it has been made for me....  I don't think it has sunk in with me yet, very detached feeling... Relief?  Not sure yet.   At the end of the session the therapist asked if we were both on the same page in that we are now heading for separation and divorce....  The room was quiet.  So while it is right under the surface it is still hard to say...  Its like looking at red object and being asked if it is red and you freeze!  You see it's red, you know it's red, but....  And then we share a couple jokes on the way out of the office....  Very surreal moment...
Usernametbd Usernametbd 36-40, M 7 Responses Dec 6, 2012

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Salutory lesson here that if you are in a relationship, be it wonderful, average, or a genuine ILIASM ****-hole, you need to know what you'd do if it ended.

Tread your own path.

Also said she is done because she tired of me not getting IT, capital I capital T...  And that she is a sexual person, I just don't bring it out in her

Thanks.... Still sinking in.

This is like an early holiday present from her. I'm sure you don't think so yet, but... take it as the start of the rest of your life.

Now the decision has been made for you. This is not surprising since she also made the decision that you will remain sexless without consulting you. It just continues the power trip she feels she has over you.

As sad as you think this might be now is your chance to show her that was the last decision she makes for you. My two cents here is accept its over visit a good divorce lawyer and claim everything you are entitled to.

Have minimum communication with her other than thrrough the solicitors and when she approaches you tell her that you have made up your mind that you two best communicate through your legal teams.

Stay Strong & Good Luck

I've always felt that when the divorce word comes up in a marriage it's only a matter of time.

In my experience talking about the elephant in the room does produce some moments of unguarded laughter and jokes again sometimes. The tension dissipates as you both realize what's going to happen and you accept it. It sounds like -- even if neither of you can say "red" -- you had that happen. Congrats. Welcome to this side of the decision. You've got a long ways to go, but this is Huge.