I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Update - 6 Months Out Of The House

By: remodelme

Written on December 6th, 2012

Well - here I am....

I officially left my sexless home 6 months ago and I am happy t update that my divorce was finalized 6 weeks ago.

So, while all is not behind me, seemed a good time to come by the forum that helped me so much and provide an update.

So - most importantly - my teenage daughter. How is she doing? GREAT! This is the best news of all. I could not have imagined in my wildest dreams how mature & able to adjust she is. I am thrilled. Best of all our relationship is arguably better than ever!

How about my ex-Wife. Guess what - SHE IS FINE also. it wasn't easy, she wasn't happy, but now it is over - and...well....life does in fact go on. how did she do it? Well she did it so well for the same reason we never had sex - we weren't in love!

How about me? Well I can't even explain it but I have never been happier. I have a beautiful & loving woman in my life. We go on dates, have "sleepovers", we even took a long weekend vacation. It is terrific.

What can I say? I cant believe I stayed in that crap marriage as long as I did. I was paralyzed in fear that had no basis in reality. I worried about things that turned out to be irrelevant, and gave no thought to some things that were relevant. Regardless, I wasted a ton of time and damn I wish I had it all back.

I sleep like a baby. Smile all the time. Look forward to my weekends.

I know I can't communicate it in a way you would be inspired to leave (if that is your objective). Nobody could have told me either when I saw nothing but obstacles in front of me. But you can and maybe I can be just one more voice to tell you - YOU CAN. YOU CAN YOU CAN YOU CAN. There are wonderful people in this world and they want someone just like you.

I know so well your pain - stay strong. Plan. Execute. YOU CAN.

Best wishes!!!!

By: remodelme

Age: 41-45 , Male

788 people have read this story

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38 responses

Gazell

nice! thanks for sharing...i'm also out of my SM six months. divorce not begun, but i beleive we will soon. question - is the new woman in your life a "relationship" or FWB? (and i do feel that's a relationship type..) i ask because i don't want to get all involved with anyone immediately, but i am not sure i can do FWB? i'm afraid i would get emotionally intwined...so coming out of SM, life still sexless at this point...thanks!

Dec 9, 2012
1 like
zsuzsilowinger

Thank you. I needed to read this today.

Dec 8, 2012
1 like
suky58

Good for you. How long have you been in the new relationship? The reason it works so well no doubt, in part is because you are going out and courting her! It's not the only reason of course, but so many marriages fail because the courting stops. Can't afford it, don't have the time. She pissed me off. The best marriages I've seen are those who work at it; open communication, not afraid to say, i feel hurt, I need you. Not letting a night go by of sleeping on the couch. Relationships are tough. Even the best go through crap. Take care of this one and it will last. Keep it fresh and be kind. Good luck :)

Dec 8, 2012
1 like
- n44wwep
  Agreed. It is SOOO hard to keep up a one-way romance, though.
  
  Dec 8, 2012
  1 like
Lynn750

Yay! Happy you got out. Hopefully you're having tons of sex and enjoying life!

Dec 8, 2012
1 like
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Dec 8, 2012
1 like
reallygoodperson

Glad you're happy now. I'm happy so I'll be staying in my marriage...but for those who aren't it is best to move on. All the best! :-)

Dec 7, 2012
1 like
hotyogabk

Thank you for your encouragement and concrete example, which gave me a lot of hope. Take care and have a great day!

Dec 7, 2012
1 like
nyartgal

Most definitely!!!! I'm also enjoying the bliss of post-SM sex and love---there is no reason to suffer for another minute. For ANYONE.

Dec 7, 2012
2 likes
- n44wwep
  I saw "SM" in your post and had a brain flash - SadoMasochist? Hmmm. Maybe, just maybe Sexless Marriage is a form of SM.
  
  Dec 7, 2012
  1 like
HumanLion

Good for you man, you made it!

Dec 7, 2012
1 like
mvcmvc

Rated UP!!! Way UP!!!!!!!!

Dec 7, 2012
1 like
RobertCentralPA

After nearly 40 years of a virtually sex-less marriage, I'm at the point of leaving, too. But I have the same fears and worried. Thank you for being honest and encouraging me to find a new life before it's too late. I once had an affair partner who wanted and loved me so badly (and wonderfully) and because I couldn't take care of MYSELF I lost her a few months ago. I could have had that happiness you speak about for years with her, now I'll have to start over. But I must or die miserable. No kids to complicate things. Thanks for telling your story for I really need all the help I can get to go through with this for me. Enjoy and treasure that special woman in your life!

Dec 7, 2012
1 like
- n44wwep
  NO KIDS? GET OUT!
  
  Dec 7, 2012
  1 like
- RobertCentralPA
  Good advice. Thanks.
  
  Dec 7, 2012
  1 like
- n44wwep
  Also, don't count yourself out with the woman you lost a few months ago, unless she found someone else or got married!
  
  Dec 8, 2012
  1 like
- RobertCentralPA
  Thanks for the encouragement.
  
  Dec 8, 2012
  1 like
1 More Reply
bmcinnis

Congratulations! Best of luck! Thank you for the inspiration!

Dec 7, 2012
1 like
loopnscc

Thanks for sharing. Fear is the great unknown and I, like many, stayed way to long, but the other side of the abyss is much better. Good luck to you and keep smiling, most say it makes us look better.

Dec 7, 2012
1 like
Fienchanny

Sounds like you had someone waiting for you on the other side. Congratulations on achieving your goals.

Dec 7, 2012
1 like
Buroak

Remodelme,
THANKS!!!! I really appreciate you coming back here to post such a positive message as it has lifted me up today! Seriously. I am especially encouraged by what you said about your teenage daughter doing so well...I'm reading books on divorce and kids and I am very worried. You and ex W must have had a very amicable divorce. I'll send you a friend request and hope you add me to your circle as I do not want to miss any future posts from your life on the other side. Your new relationship sounds great too.....maybe you can share more about that someday?
Again....thanks!!

Dec 7, 2012
2 likes
vaguestbaby

I remember you and I am glad to see you thriving. Your story will change a life today, so thanks for posting it.
Generally speaking, when people take off the cement shoes, their luck in the swimming pool does tend to increase.
Enjoy your backstroke.

Dec 7, 2012
1 like
Distilled

How many years were you In your marriiage?
And congratulation s!

Dec 7, 2012
1 like
chroniccalm

Thanks for sharing and cheering us on... and congratulations.
I wonder how many of us are here because we are afraid to stand up for ourselves.

Dec 6, 2012
1 like
- RobertCentralPA
  Too many of us are trying to please a partner or spouse who is perfectly happy with things the way they are, and has no desire to change to meet our needs even part-way. It took counseling/therapy for me to see that I was destroying myself in a loveless, sexless, silent (she rarely talks) marriage of nearly 40 years. Dumb! Maybe that could help you also get the strength to deal with your relationship?
  
  Dec 7, 2012
  1 like
maryryan

Hi remodelme: So glad you came back to share! Thank you and congratulations on your new sex-filled life!!!

Dec 6, 2012
1 like
enna30

I think your story is VERY inspiring! There are many people on ILIASM who are frozen with fear about the "what might happens". . . and it is wonderful to hear from someone who can honestly say "There is nothing to fear"!!!
Everything you have written - about yourself and your love, your daughter and your Ex, all these things show that there IS life after an SM!! Congratulations!! {{{hugs}}}

Dec 6, 2012
1 like
lovedbymany

Thank you. I needed this tonight.

Dec 6, 2012
1 like
expectingthebest

I so needed to hear your story! Thanks.

Dec 6, 2012
1 like
lonlywife

Congratulations. I wish I could leave and start over, but I know there is no one out there for me. You are an inspiration.

Dec 6, 2012
1 like
- RobertCentralPA
  Dear Lonly,
  There IS someone out there for you. If you truly want to make a new life, you can. Just look at the number of MEN on this site so very frustrated in their marriages or relationships. I hope you'll at least think more positively about yourself and what you could offer someone who would treasure and love you as you deserve.
  
  Dec 7, 2012
  1 like
MissLee

Very encouraging. Thank you.

And I'm very happy that all three of you are doing quite well.

Dec 6, 2012
1 like
PersephoneP

Well, if you hadn't waited, you might not be in the great relationship that you're in now. Not gonna lie, as much as I love my H I find myself starting to almost obsess over the question of whether there is someone else out there for me...

Dec 6, 2012
1 like
- Changewilldoyougood
  Yes there are more than likely PLENTY of someones out there for you.
  
  Dec 6, 2012
  1 like
bazzar

Testify brother !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol
Great to hear from you again.
baz

Dec 6, 2012
1 like
nutmeg99

Thanks for sharing your story. You give us all hope!

Dec 6, 2012
1 like
remodelme

Oh, I forgot to tell you the best thing that happened. This woman I am seeing got a little sad one day - she said she was worried I didn't try to have sex with her more often - did I really desire her! EASY FIX. WOOHOOO

Dec 6, 2012
8 likes
- Changewilldoyougood
  Great problem to have, for an ILIASM-veteran. :) Congrats!
  
  Dec 6, 2012
  1 like

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