Update - 6 Months Out Of The House

Well - here I am....

I officially left my sexless home 6 months ago and I am happy t update that my divorce was finalized 6 weeks ago.

So, while all is not behind me, seemed a good time to come by the forum that helped me so much and provide an update.

So - most importantly - my teenage daughter. How is she doing? GREAT! This is the best news of all. I could not have imagined in my wildest dreams how mature & able to adjust she is. I am thrilled. Best of all our relationship is arguably better than ever!

How about my ex-Wife. Guess what - SHE IS FINE also. it wasn't easy, she wasn't happy, but now it is over - and...well....life does in fact go on. how did she do it? Well she did it so well for the same reason we never had sex - we weren't in love!

How about me? Well I can't even explain it but I have never been happier. I have a beautiful & loving woman in my life. We go on dates, have "sleepovers", we even took a long weekend vacation. It is terrific.

What can I say? I cant believe I stayed in that crap marriage as long as I did. I was paralyzed in fear that had no basis in reality. I worried about things that turned out to be irrelevant, and gave no thought to some things that were relevant. Regardless, I wasted a ton of time and damn I wish I had it all back.

I sleep like a baby. Smile all the time. Look forward to my weekends.

I know I can't communicate it in a way you would be inspired to leave (if that is your objective). Nobody could have told me either when I saw nothing but obstacles in front of me. But you can and maybe I can be just one more voice to tell you - YOU CAN. YOU CAN YOU CAN YOU CAN. There are wonderful people in this world and they want someone just like you.

I know so well your pain - stay strong. Plan. Execute. YOU CAN.

Best wishes!!!!
remodelme remodelme
41-45, M
25 Responses Dec 6, 2012

So happy for you :)

nice! thanks for sharing...i'm also out of my SM six months. divorce not begun, but i beleive we will soon. question - is the new woman in your life a "relationship" or FWB? (and i do feel that's a relationship type..) i ask because i don't want to get all involved with anyone immediately, but i am not sure i can do FWB? i'm afraid i would get emotionally intwined...so coming out of SM, life still sexless at this point...thanks!

Thank you. I needed to read this today.

Yay! Happy you got out. Hopefully you're having tons of sex and enjoying life!

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Glad you're happy now. I'm happy so I'll be staying in my marriage...but for those who aren't it is best to move on. All the best! :-)

Thank you for your encouragement and concrete example, which gave me a lot of hope. Take care and have a great day!

Most definitely!!!! I'm also enjoying the bliss of post-SM sex and love---there is no reason to suffer for another minute. For ANYONE.

I saw "SM" in your post and had a brain flash - SadoMasochist? Hmmm. Maybe, just maybe Sexless Marriage is a form of SM.

Good for you man, you made it!

After nearly 40 years of a virtually sex-less marriage, I'm at the point of leaving, too. But I have the same fears and worried. Thank you for being honest and encouraging me to find a new life before it's too late. I once had an affair partner who wanted and loved me so badly (and wonderfully) and because I couldn't take care of MYSELF I lost her a few months ago. I could have had that happiness you speak about for years with her, now I'll have to start over. But I must or die miserable. No kids to complicate things. Thanks for telling your story for I really need all the help I can get to go through with this for me. Enjoy and treasure that special woman in your life!


Good advice. Thanks.

Also, don't count yourself out with the woman you lost a few months ago, unless she found someone else or got married!

Thanks for the encouragement.

1 More Response

Congratulations! Best of luck! Thank you for the inspiration!

Thanks for sharing. Fear is the great unknown and I, like many, stayed way to long, but the other side of the abyss is much better. Good luck to you and keep smiling, most say it makes us look better.

Sounds like you had someone waiting for you on the other side. Congratulations on achieving your goals.


THANKS!!!! I really appreciate you coming back here to post such a positive message as it has lifted me up today! Seriously. I am especially encouraged by what you said about your teenage daughter doing so well...I'm reading books on divorce and kids and I am very worried. You and ex W must have had a very amicable divorce. I'll send you a friend request and hope you add me to your circle as I do not want to miss any future posts from your life on the other side. Your new relationship sounds great too.....maybe you can share more about that someday?


Thanks for sharing and cheering us on... and congratulations.

I wonder how many of us are here because we are afraid to stand up for ourselves.

Too many of us are trying to please a partner or spouse who is perfectly happy with things the way they are, and has no desire to change to meet our needs even part-way. It took counseling/therapy for me to see that I was destroying myself in a loveless, sexless, silent (she rarely talks) marriage of nearly 40 years. Dumb! Maybe that could help you also get the strength to deal with your relationship?

Hi remodelme: So glad you came back to share! Thank you and congratulations on your new sex-filled life!!!

I think your story is VERY inspiring! There are many people on ILIASM who are frozen with fear about the "what might happens". . . and it is wonderful to hear from someone who can honestly say "There is nothing to fear"!!!

Everything you have written - about yourself and your love, your daughter and your Ex, all these things show that there IS life after an SM!! Congratulations!! {{{hugs}}}

Thank you. I needed this tonight.

I so needed to hear your story! Thanks.

Congratulations. I wish I could leave and start over, but I know there is no one out there for me. You are an inspiration.

Dear Lonly,

There IS someone out there for you. If you truly want to make a new life, you can. Just look at the number of MEN on this site so very frustrated in their marriages or relationships. I hope you'll at least think more positively about yourself and what you could offer someone who would treasure and love you as you deserve.

Very encouraging. Thank you.

And I'm very happy that all three of you are doing quite well.

Well, if you hadn't waited, you might not be in the great relationship that you're in now. Not gonna lie, as much as I love my H I find myself starting to almost obsess over the question of whether there is someone else out there for me...

Yes there are more than likely PLENTY of someones out there for you.

Testify brother !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol

Great to hear from you again.


Thanks for sharing your story. You give us all hope!

Oh, I forgot to tell you the best thing that happened. This woman I am seeing got a little sad one day - she said she was worried I didn't try to have sex with her more often - did I really desire her! EASY FIX. WOOHOOO

Great problem to have, for an ILIASM-veteran. :) Congrats!