One Woman's Story

 

I met my husband when I moved back home after college. I was impressed by his sensibility, the way he knew how do practical things, his success in his field, and his confidence in his self. This man renovated his house with his own hands to impress me and it worked. He is the exact opposite of everything I ever went for in a person, I always fell for these academic types who didn’t know the difference between a phillips head and flat head screwdriver. But my husband can build anything, fix anything; I thought he was wonderful and so did my family.

Five months or so after we began dating I found out I was pregnant. I was terrified. I remember I made him go look at the test. He didn’t come out of the bathroom right away so I followed him in there. He was staring at the stick with a grim look on his face. I started crying and he pulled me into an embrace. He told me it would be ok, he was there for me, he wasn’t going anywhere. Right before I got pregnant his place of business shut down. He was working a much lower paying job and looking for better opportunities. Then a recruiter called with a job far away from family and friends, but it was job that offered benefits, security, much more money. We decided to go for it. We got married when I was 16 weeks pregnant and moved to a new state a couple days later.

The months following the move and before the birth of my son were the hardest of my life. I sat in an apartment alone for twelve to fifteen hours a day with no friends, no family, and no job to go to. I ate through my misery, gaining 2 lbs a week staring at my size six pants hanging on door. I gained 50 lbs during my pregnancy. We had a sex life while I was pregnant though towards the end with the giant belly in the way my husband seemed reluctant. It was after my son came that the problems began. We were tired, stressed, we had no sitter or family, just us and baby. I was breast-feeding, I felt bad about my body… so when the months started passing by with out having sex with my husband I had my excuses. But over time the weight started coming off, the postpartum haze began to lift, and I began to worry. I tried my best to make “moves” on him, but it my attempts were met with indifference. Why didn’t my husband care about sex? I would ask him about only to be met with a stony silence. I would cry next to him at night and feel what I can only describe as pure humiliation.

I of course blamed myself.  I didn’t look like the same woman he married so I dieted my way back into my size six pants. I try to look pretty when he gets from work, but he hardly ever notices. He does kiss me, hug me, and show affection. But there is no fire there, no desire…. He has told me that he is depressed, he hates where we live, hates his job. He will not however go to the doctor. Our son is fifteen months old now and we have had sex maybe five times since he was born. And I would say none of those five times would have happened had I not pressured him into it. I am afraid for our future, and afraid for my own future. If he can’t appreciate me now, how would he 20 years from now?  All I can think is that live is too short for this. I’m being denied something basic, all of the love and beauty I have to give is going to waste. I refuse to blame myself any longer because I know I am not to blame now. Even knowing that it still doesn’t stop the pain this is inflicting on me. If it doesn’t work out how would I tell our family and friends who think we are the picture of a perfect marriage? I feel so embarrassed over this. I’m young, attractive, educated and live in a sexless marriage.

00greeneyes00 00greeneyes00
26-30, F
8 Responses May 18, 2007

It's not you sweetheart, some people just don't need sex, my wife and I haven't had it in years and I miss it badly, I miss the romance just as much, you need some one who appreciates you I wish we could get together, I would fill your life with love and romance not just sex.

hi love there are many woman who would hAVE SEX WITH A MARRIED MAN .........

* watches

yes some times when a man waches a woman give birth.. for some reason.... some men find it applling an never wants to have sex with his woman again ...... maybe it has to do with the madonna ***** complex?

i am trying to work with my sexless marraige about just not thinking about it but the more i try the more it comes back to me , i spoke to my wife tried to talk to her and she is just not intersted in sex anymore , she is a good mother but not a good wife she accepts that and tell me how can i leave that person ,<br />
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She told me that i can find someone for just the sex part , tell me is that what makes sense to you guys ,,, who is going to have sex with a married man for no reasons ?

Whether he suffer from depression or just trying to handle a bad job, communication is key. He needs to feel your support as much as he needs to give you yours. If communication breaks down, one of you will find comfort and communication somewhere else. Keep trying

kind of a personal question really quick like- did you have a vaginal birth or c-section and did your husband watch?

Hi Romantic Lady here. I can totally understand your story. It is remarkably close to mine. I too moved in with my finance a few months pregnant and experinced the same self-doubt and misery at my weight gain. And like you as I went back to my normal size I realized it wasn't me. That I was still beautiful and that he still wasn't interested in me sexually. I too feel young and excited about life and question if I want to waste all that I have to offer on someone who clearly isn't interested? Like me I'm sure such a decision would be eaiser without young sons. My son is 18 months and loves his daddy. How can I separate them is my everyday question?