Can Anyone Stay In A Sexless Marriage

I'm 31 been married for nine years have three children I work hard to support the family and to give my wife the luxury of not having to work so she could have more time for kids. I help out at home I always compliment her I take her out but she never wants to get intimate, I mean I literally have to beg her and I've had enough of it can anyone please give me some advice
happygilmore72 happygilmore72
31-35, M
9 Responses Dec 9, 2012

You can stay in a concentration camp. You can stay in a prison. You can stay on a stranded island marooned from the rest of the world with only bananas to eat...but in each of those situations, you merely survive, you don't thrive. It's just my interpretation of what a sexless marriage is akin to. I'm in it too, and I'm just stacking what I can waiting for the right moment to jump ship. Only thing I can do is commiserate, I am still going through it too. Maybe get a hobby? I write short stories, cook and garden whenever I have time away from him being in my face with time to look stupid as hell (but no time to bump). I hate when he gets under me and just be all in my business. I am not even attracted to mine anymore. It's like his every negative attribute has been intensified by his neglect of me. I hate the way he eats, talks, breathes, walks, etc. and honestly if a pack of rabid rottweilers ate him for lunch out of the blue I would wear electric blue to his funeral and shed not one tear. This is what 6+ years of this can do to you, so you just think about that. How's that for real talk?

10 years four kids, shes the best thing that ever happened to me but whatever has robbed me of my sex life I'd never do it again. I make money, we spend time together. I talk and all the other stuff. Even took up knitting and yoga just to spend time with her so she can feel like i'm not just interested in sex. She has no desire at all. Once every 3 months if i am lucky. I hate it but I love her. I came to a cross roads, I either have an affair or learn to do without. I chose the latter.

Was it like this all 9 years? Have you ever had happy intimate life? Or was it promising before marriage,then pregnancies, breastfeeding, so no time for anything and now here we are in sexless marriage? If it is so you probably don't have any chance getting better as what you want has never been there... Read here

You are WAY too young to be stuck here forever. Keep reading on here. If you haven't yet, try talking with her first about your frustration - but if you are like most of us, you've talked non-stop to her about your frustration, and have been met with silence or worse.

My advice would be: draw a line in the sand. Go visit a lawyer to see how a divorce would pan out for you. Start a plan for yourself for the future, whether she is on board or not.

You only have one life to live.

Divorce over sex? Really? Is this what marriage is now a days. I'll stick with you till you **** me off. Don't choose divorce. What the hell? Who says that? Over sex? Of all things. Till death, for better or for worse, toss your whole life together out and pit the kids through divorce over sex? C'mon man

Your very right but it's not just the sex it's the rejection. Sex is an act, but it's the closeness the intamacy the feeling wanted is what I miss. Beluve me I don't want to get divorced but I just feel so unhappy. Thanks for your thoughts

Emsboy, obviously you have not joined any groups or shared any stories, and I'm willing to bet you are not even married.

Let me ask you this: what would YOU do if you are belittled, ignored, or worse over an issue that has great importance to you, by the very person who had pledged to support you in that endeavor, and who also makes it clear you are not to get your needs met elsewhere ever? Would you stand for that in ANY relationship?

Marriage is (usually) taken as an EXCLUSIVE SEXUAL relationship. If one person UNILATERALLY withdraws from that relationship, without explanation, cause, etc., and makes it clear through action or inaction that there is NO WAY to rectify the situation, which person do you think is breaking up the marriage? The person who withholds all intimacy, or the person who, after years of suffering, finally breaks down and leaves the relationship?

OK I just read your statement above, you obviously are married. You have made your choice. Others will make other choices.

Thank you so much for your advise. I must say I feel a lot better just having people to talk too about it. Of all my friends I'm the only married one with kids because I started very early. I used to think that perhaps I have a particularly high sex drive but now I realize I'm just normal. Ok maybe a bit higher than normal. I think sex is such an important aspect of marriage, especially when you have presure of kids, bills, work etc it's nice to just forget about all that for an hour and just behave like a teenager : )

2 More Responses

More details would help a lot. Are you still talking together, does she recognize there is a problem? Have you been totally open with her about how much it means to you.

Everyone has their own love-language and their own needs and "needing" sex is nothing to be ashamed of.

Get her talking, and take a look around this board, there is a mix of positive and negative stories, glean what information you can.

Have you had a heartfelt talk with her about how you feel about your marriage? Have you laid it out there asking for an explaination as to why she is so detached from you? There are so many possibilities that might explain her detachement - some of which may not even have anything to do with you (childhood issues). Your marriage needs help and my advice to you is not to waste any time - seek answers. Even if your marriage ends - these answers you find will help you cope now and in your next relationship (if necessary). If you are in the early stages of a dysfunctional marriage - you may be able to "right the ship" if she is willing to work with you. That would be a wonderful outcome and certainly worth fighting for!!!! If she is not cooperative, then you will have some very hard choices to make.

You could take the manly approach like the "stop begging" guy, or start to get fulfillment through celibacy and abstinence, coupled with fantasy and ************. I just fantasize that my wife won't **** me because she has made me a Cuckold. I get all the humiliation, do the chores, suffer tha abstinence, and earn the money like a Cuckold, just don't get to eat her ***** that is stretched out and *** filled from another man. That's where the fantasies come in to keep me somewhat sane. Other than that you are never getting your sex life back. Oh yea, you have kids and need her so you can't leave. As my wife controls the family purse strings getting a rub-n-tug, lap dances or a hooker are not really possible. So welcome to the club. Get comfortable.

In adverse circumstances, much depends on YOU. Your journey through life, and how you navigate your way is down to YOU and no-one else.

You get YOU right, get YOU making informed choices, you start to get traction and move forward.

As your journey unfolds, as a result of your informed choices, people and relationships that enhance your life are taken on board. People and relationships that do not enhance your life are left behind.

Your dysfunctional marriage will be highly unlikely to survive this process.

Tread your own path.

1) Stop the begging.

2) Read some more on this site. You don't give many details, and other stories may trigger some connections, so you get more clarity.

3) Start to explore more what you want from life and from your marriage. What do you stand for, and what are you willing to do to get it?

4) Look after yourself more, in every sense. Dial back the free ride and the hoop-jumping. Expect kick-back when she starts to realise the status quo is changing.