"it's Not That I Am Not Attracted To You.. I Am Not Attracted To Anyone"That's what he said to me last night. I am not even sure how to take that. His levels have been tested and they were "within the normal range". I am frustrated and his lack of interest is taking away from my interest.. with him anyway. Who wants to try to have sex with someone who is just not into it?
Last night I went out with a few girlfriends.. looked hot.. came home.. sat on his lap and started to make out with him and he was just not into it AT ALL :( God.. how much I would love to straddle the lap of a guy that actually WANTED me to.
Tonight at dinner with some friends I sort of told them a little bit about how we were having problems and they all were shocked..I told them he had little interest in sex and one of them goes "WHAT?? But you are the HOT wife!!" That doesn't make me feel any better. I know they don't understand but I am so sick of hearing how their husbands want it ALL THE TIME. They told me I could have their husbands.. little do they know..haha.
I keep thinking I need to go on anti depressents so I can deal with all this... and not be tempted to have another affair. I have two guys friends that keep hitting on me and I don't have anything but platonic feelings for both of them. But I worry. I don't know if I am truly depressed or just depressed by the SITUATION. If I still am living in the "hangover" of the affair and I will start to feel better. But then again the sex stuff with the husband doesn't seem to be improving. It has its moments where it seems like he is trying but then, like last night.. I start to doubt again. I am confused. He doesn't need to want it ALL the time.. But we are just so different. Besides the fact that he would be find never have sex ever again.. even when we do have it is is SO VANILLA. I try to spice things up.. I will do ANYTHING for him if it turns him on.. and he acts like I am a freak or I scare him. :( That does wonders for my self esteem as you can imagine.
I am YOUNG! I shouldn't have to be going through this. I am so scared I am going to wake up at 40 or 50 or older and it will be too late. I don't want to live with regrets.