Patience Is Not My Virtue

I took a chance and just finally came out with some of my feelings this weekend. I asked yesterday when he was going to find out something on the bloodwork, and told H that "the doc knows what he's talking about" (in reference to the neuro and what he told H at his appt, see earlier post) and his response was, "Oh yeah?" I replied "Yep." It came up again today; I told him I was tired of being teased with his little grabs and tweaks and I needed the real thing. Later he caught me in the laundry room and pulled me in for a hug and some kisses, and even trailed down my neck to the area around my collarbone, which he KNOWS is a huge erogenous zone for me. I was thinking "jackpot!" But once again tonight he came to bed before me, and even though he was awake when I got in bed, didn't even roll over to kiss me goodnight. WTF!?!?! Chalk up another lonely and frustrating weekend for the big loser.
PersephoneP PersephoneP
41-45, F
5 Responses Dec 9, 2012

His nearly enough is far from good enough....
I wish you luck ....

Now we are moving into what I am learning here is classic refuser behavior: He is trying to turn the tables on me. He is whining and complaining that he's "trying to be affectionate" and I'm ignoring him, and that I must not love him, etc. He's all pissy tonight and went to bed mad. Unfuckingbelievable!!!!!!!

You would do well to disengage from him physically. He is just teasing you with enough affection to keep you intrested.

When it comes to delivering the real thing however he has a proven track record of poor performances.

Its just like betting on a horse if his form guide is poor as obviously the case here what makes you think he is actually going to do the job?

Stay Strong & Good Luck

I think we attribute all sorts of wonderful characteristics to our spouses, like logic, sanity, etc... when in fact they are OUR attributes. When you come to the realization that he is actually telling you EXACTLY what he feels & wants with each encounter, you will be forced to realize it's NOT what you want/need.

Whatever his reasons for not doing the bloodwork/ignoring the results and for teasing you sexually and not following through. It leaves you in the same place: not getting YOUR needs met.

YOU need to get out and find someone who will be HONEST about this stuff.

<p>You are nowhere near ready to pull the trigger on this marriage, and that fact severely limits your options.<br />
You have no leverage to force him into compliance with your model of what the relationship ought be - and, you have no viable alternative / exit strategy if 'what ought to be ' can't be.</p><p>Story "Counterrefusal - The Case For" might be worth a read for you.</p><p>The general idea behind this is putting you in sole control of your sexual persona. It takes all the guesswork of "whether the spouse means it this time" right out of the equation. Gives you certainty, thus freeing you up to think longer term, to think about your future (that would be you 'singular'), to think about how you are going to get to that future.</p><p>Tread your own path.</p>