I Live In a Sexless Marriage
Okay, hi everyone. Like everyone here, I've scoped the group and can relate to most if not all of them. I'd really really appreciate your help, all comments will be read and taken into consideration, even if you're not in this position.
Where do I start. I'm 21 years old, my boyfriend is 30yrs, we've been together for 3 years, met online; long distance for first year and have lived together for 2yrs. The first year was very rocky, issues with distance but had contact and sex often, even over the phone n skype. Before started living together we had some major problems; an abortion, law suit (not my doing), redundancy etc. and the sex dwindled, to weekly then monthly then bimonthly :(. He was seeing some about his stress at work and law suit (which is now settled) and we both thought his libido drop was to do with this.
Since moving in together the sex was none existent and I was the only one making a move. After a year of this, I began to get very upset about it. He wouldn't touch me, would move away when I touched him, would only kiss me on the forehead instead of lips, wrap himself up tightly in blankets so I couldn't touch his pee pee, then he'd say I was too hot (temp), he was tired, he'd just eaten. I tried to make advances in the mornin, would sleep ontop on the duvet to cool myself down for him, tried underwear, music, suggested different rooms times to have sex. Really made every effort I could for him. As I am very vocal with my feelings I let him know about how I was feeling rejected and how I've got a lower self esteem (image/attractiveness) because of his lack of libido. He said he was sorry and knew how I felt but didn't want to say anything because he thought it'd get better once he got a job.
He now has a job and with court case being long settled I thought things would get better... BUT then he started a new routine excuse of needing the toilet as soon as he got hard after me touching him, which I understood, but then he would disappear after flushing the toilet and head downstairs, leaving me ready to go, with a complete WTF feeling. I would complain, then he would accuse me of being childish and that "he really needed the toilet and can't control it". Recently he has been staying on his computer late a night with lots of tabs open, saying I just want to read this last page, then I'm all yours, with me just touching him while he reads them. I again tried to explain what I was doing and that, he was essentially rejecting me, but this time calmly instead of whinging. He explained that he was still stressed and I want sex more than him, but it's because I'm young and he'll try more.
After weeks of this, I said I can't touch him anymore, I overthink how he touches me in response, whether it's a cue and I feel upset and unattractive with his constant rejection. He said I was being silly and I'm being unsensitive to his stress and that I couldn't feel as if I can't touch him. So I suggested we talk about what could be stressing him out or that he/we should talk to someone. His response was he couldn't see someone with me as he's uncomfortable talking to me about it and he'll see someone on his own(…He hasn't).
Anyway, as I continued to feel rejected-unattractive, I began to feel jealous to who he would talk to or have an interest in. A month ago I found that through facebook (FB) he was contacting girls, who look similar to me and saw comments on their pictures of how "amazingly beautiful" he thought they were. I was heartbroken. I confronted him and we partially resolved it- I decided to unfriend him and not stalk him and he said he wouldn't do that again and would unfriend the girls and that he was sorry. But even today I still feel jealous, he still pays more attention to his laptop than to me and he is still friends with the other girls.
Although the solution didn't work, were now abit more open about our activity on FB. However the NO sex issue is still there. He hasn't seen anyone about it and has said he doesn't want to and that I'm pressuring him, he's called me a slag, fiend, nympho, I make sarcastic comments about sex scenes on tv, it's a mess. We sleep at opp ends of the bed and whenever he touches me I feel like he's teasing me.
Last night I said that he needed to see someone or try and come up with a solution, he didn't have any idea what to do, and said he wouldn't be able to see anyone until february because of xmas. I said what's going to happen in the mean time, he said thats my issue and I'm the one with a problem with our relationship and that he had to go to work. I was speechless.
Icalled my best friend and I am staying at theirs tonight.
What should I do, should I wait until feb? try n be supportive? or should I give up and come to the realisation ( after reading so many of your stories) that he won't change????
Please please respond and help me, I don't really have anyone else I can ask, its such a personal issue and anonymity really helps- although I think i'll try and talk to my friend about it tonite.
Thank you for taking the time to read this (sorry this is sooo long) x
Where do I start. I'm 21 years old, my boyfriend is 30yrs, we've been together for 3 years, met online; long distance for first year and have lived together for 2yrs. The first year was very rocky, issues with distance but had contact and sex often, even over the phone n skype. Before started living together we had some major problems; an abortion, law suit (not my doing), redundancy etc. and the sex dwindled, to weekly then monthly then bimonthly :(. He was seeing some about his stress at work and law suit (which is now settled) and we both thought his libido drop was to do with this.
Since moving in together the sex was none existent and I was the only one making a move. After a year of this, I began to get very upset about it. He wouldn't touch me, would move away when I touched him, would only kiss me on the forehead instead of lips, wrap himself up tightly in blankets so I couldn't touch his pee pee, then he'd say I was too hot (temp), he was tired, he'd just eaten. I tried to make advances in the mornin, would sleep ontop on the duvet to cool myself down for him, tried underwear, music, suggested different rooms times to have sex. Really made every effort I could for him. As I am very vocal with my feelings I let him know about how I was feeling rejected and how I've got a lower self esteem (image/attractiveness) because of his lack of libido. He said he was sorry and knew how I felt but didn't want to say anything because he thought it'd get better once he got a job.
He now has a job and with court case being long settled I thought things would get better... BUT then he started a new routine excuse of needing the toilet as soon as he got hard after me touching him, which I understood, but then he would disappear after flushing the toilet and head downstairs, leaving me ready to go, with a complete WTF feeling. I would complain, then he would accuse me of being childish and that "he really needed the toilet and can't control it". Recently he has been staying on his computer late a night with lots of tabs open, saying I just want to read this last page, then I'm all yours, with me just touching him while he reads them. I again tried to explain what I was doing and that, he was essentially rejecting me, but this time calmly instead of whinging. He explained that he was still stressed and I want sex more than him, but it's because I'm young and he'll try more.
After weeks of this, I said I can't touch him anymore, I overthink how he touches me in response, whether it's a cue and I feel upset and unattractive with his constant rejection. He said I was being silly and I'm being unsensitive to his stress and that I couldn't feel as if I can't touch him. So I suggested we talk about what could be stressing him out or that he/we should talk to someone. His response was he couldn't see someone with me as he's uncomfortable talking to me about it and he'll see someone on his own(…He hasn't).
Anyway, as I continued to feel rejected-unattractive, I began to feel jealous to who he would talk to or have an interest in. A month ago I found that through facebook (FB) he was contacting girls, who look similar to me and saw comments on their pictures of how "amazingly beautiful" he thought they were. I was heartbroken. I confronted him and we partially resolved it- I decided to unfriend him and not stalk him and he said he wouldn't do that again and would unfriend the girls and that he was sorry. But even today I still feel jealous, he still pays more attention to his laptop than to me and he is still friends with the other girls.
Although the solution didn't work, were now abit more open about our activity on FB. However the NO sex issue is still there. He hasn't seen anyone about it and has said he doesn't want to and that I'm pressuring him, he's called me a slag, fiend, nympho, I make sarcastic comments about sex scenes on tv, it's a mess. We sleep at opp ends of the bed and whenever he touches me I feel like he's teasing me.
Last night I said that he needed to see someone or try and come up with a solution, he didn't have any idea what to do, and said he wouldn't be able to see anyone until february because of xmas. I said what's going to happen in the mean time, he said thats my issue and I'm the one with a problem with our relationship and that he had to go to work. I was speechless.
Icalled my best friend and I am staying at theirs tonight.
What should I do, should I wait until feb? try n be supportive? or should I give up and come to the realisation ( after reading so many of your stories) that he won't change????
Please please respond and help me, I don't really have anyone else I can ask, its such a personal issue and anonymity really helps- although I think i'll try and talk to my friend about it tonite.
Thank you for taking the time to read this (sorry this is sooo long) x
By:
petiteBrit1
Age:
18-21
,
Female
