Security, Sexeducation, Sensuality To Possibly Sex?

Okay
Security---
We made the marriage settlement agreement legal and sealed.
My husband set the terms of the contract, which says He will fix himself , if he cant and in the event of a divorce I pretty much get everything for next 10 years, DD's expenses all that in addition to the $5m from business and he threw in another $2m from any inheritance or selling of the business at a later date.
So thats one major aspect I am not worrying about any more.

For a husband like that I need to accept and honor his efforts to make a change. I do want our marriage to work, no amount of money is going to get me a guy who can love me this much.


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Sexeducation---

1) Husband is fixing himself with testosterone, and other things.
2)We are going to couples therapy.
3)We are watching online educational videos together. There are plenty!
(how to have sex was also an unknown in case of DH since I am the first woman in his life ).
4)We have hired an online sex coach.
I am still researching what else I can do..
We are learning new skills, one at a time, its very organized. We even have files with dos and donts for reference and a To do list.


Sensuality---

Day1 we were watching educational videos and he was trying to learn new things.
He gave me a sensual body massage, which blew my mind and I was like "oh my god, I am alive again!" Very good start.. I am hopeful for the next 4 weeks..

I hope we will get to the actual act of sex soon..

As this is happening I am also working on myself to detach and let go of the sadness, hurt and pain and to make myself a strong, positive person, proactively seeking happiness,..

God give me patience and strenght over the next 4 weeks to follow through my commitment..







uma1980 uma1980
31-35, F
4 Responses Dec 10, 2012

I wish you good luck in this endeavor! But remember, as always, you owe him nothing - you have paid all your debts in full and then some - whatever you are agreeing to here, I also urge you to see a lawyer. I know where I live, if you sign a separation agreement, but then go back and co-habit/re-engage in the relationship within the first 90 days, the separation agreement is void and you have to fill out another to separate again...

Thanks a lot zsuzilowinger, you are right I owe him nothing at this point. I am giving him a chance to make it work so as to alleviate some of my own hurt as well. Whether I stay or leave I dont want to take the baggage of hurt through 2013 and future.. I am giving it my final push so I can let go one way or the other..
Actually this is not a seperation agreement, its just a marital settlement agreement, which says that whenever we divorce this is what I would get..
In my situation going out for 6 months isnt going to be a problem because I will still be working in the overseas operations of our business. And he will have to keep coming there every couple of months as well..

Uma doesn't want to get divorced....she wants to have an ****** :)

You go girl.

Find out what REALLY turns both of you on and go for it.

I wouldn't sweat the time limit as long as it's moving in the right direction.

Good luck!

Exactly, I really want us to keep moving in the right direction, and not have this issue slide in the background somewhere..You are right, I am really looking to make this work and hoping to get a few ******* out of this, since I do love my husband a lot and he loves me a lot ..

<p>Well... Here I am to share a different perspective, My Friend. </p><p>Be careful about attaching any time period... such as 4 weeks... to restoration of your relationship. It is VERY easy for the pressure to perform... and the expectations of performance... to start to build to such a high level that they overwhelm the whole relationship... resulting in feelings of frustration and failure.</p><p>You are headed in a positive direction... just let the health of your relationship recover at a natural pace. You're doing many good things... Just don't push too hard and too quickly. </p><p>Think of it as planting a seed in a pot of fertile soil... You need to add a little water and warmth and give it some time to germinate and begin to grow. You don't need a lot of water... just enough to keep it moist. If you flood it with water, you won't end up with a pretty flower any sooner... You'll just end up with a rotting seed and no pretty flower at all.</p><p>Enjoy the journey... :>)</p>

Thanks a lot for that, what you are saying is also right, but just doing a lot of different things could help us as well, and keep this really big problem in the forefront, instead of allowing it to slide in the background as it always has..
There is a lot of stuff that I have to deal with, and I do realize its going to get worst before it gets better..In the very least I expect to make peace with the hurt and pain, and let go of the anger. The goals arent too high, I know I am not going to get a breakthrough out of this, for all this work I want just a little bit progress in the right direction if not too much. That will alleviate some hurt as well..Thanks a lot for making me realize that I shouldnt put too much pressure on the expectations and set myself up for failure.. you are so right..

You have the clock running on this obviously. That is very wise. Your lawyer (as in "uma's lawyer) approved this documentation, yes ?

In 4 weeks time you are likely to be highly pissed off one way or another.

In one scenario - where his self reinvention plan crashes, you will still have the aggravation of unravelling this situation.

In another scenario - where his self reinvention plan works - you are going to be mightily annoyed that he didn't do the self reinvention trick years ago.

Tread your own path.

Yup, I'm still still mad h didn't run after solutions at least 10 years ago....

Came here to post that too...

@bazzar : All the 3 points you make are just very real and to the point.
*You are right I needed to have checked it with My lawyer. actually in that case I am going to go ahead and do that before the end of this week.

*Yes actually in the back of my mind I do have a hunch that self reinvention trick is only going to work half way through..

*I am still trying cope with the fact that he didnt do all this years ago, because we would have made so much more progress by now, and I wouldnt have all this hurt ..

Succinct and to the point - in any kind of "look look, I CAN have sex with you!!" demonstration, it's tough to not put your hands on your hips and say "great!... so why not before?"

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